What happens to the sisterhood when you FF?

[Arcadia]

Double post

[Visitor3]

MotherGoose, I really am not attacking just replying to any posters which were made in the public forum that's all. I actually really liked this site, but have noticed over the years this lack of sisterhood, when BF mothers need to use formula (or God forbid choose to use it !) Initially I tried to laugh off the whole thing about never having had the experience of DD settling on the breast, but it came back at me in such a way that when I read that I felt so....so....low. I don't expect anybody to agree with everything I said, but don't be mean, YKWIM?
Anyway I really have had enough of this forum being like this and the superiority expressed by some people towards others ( Really, again, not anyone in particular but the collective attitudes by certain people) expressing their hardnosed attitudes towards a mother who has made the decision to BF eg being told in the chat room that you are selfish because you are FF'ding, even though your journey which took you to that point was horrendous !) I don't think that should be acceptable. But it gets overlooked because this is a "gentle" parenting forum. Sorry but there is nothing gentle about that.

I guess I've just had enough and judging from the PM's and public posts, it's clear that I am not the only one who feels this. It's just that I am the on who has raised the topic that people are coming forward in how they feel. But it is evident that it is defnitely NOT because I posed this question that made people feel unsupported, those feeling were already there. Sure promote BF'ding because it is wonderful and beautiful and nurturing but don't push and push and push and then when it's not working push some more. That's not fair and only leads to feelings of "despair and resentment" and those are words I took from another member who felt like that.

Honestly thank you to those who have expressed their opinions with a level understanding which has in turn promoted meaningful conversation.
To anyone who feels like I am angry, hurt and that I wanted to feel like that....well then I guess all I can say is, if I said something hurtful to you on a public forum would you not feel....anything. I think "feeling" is what makes us human. Please don't de-humanise that.

Anna perhaps you are right, perhaps I haven't let go of the desperate yearning I had to BF my DD. That's why I need to leave and heal and go on living my life loving my daughter, rather than feeling like I need to hide my experience because I might be shot down. Thankyou to you all those who have been kind enough to acknowledge this journey.
Good luck to all mothers who choose to nurture their child the best way they can and the best way they know how whether it be Breast or Formula. I believe that every mother wants the best for her child not just the ones who choose to breast feed.

PS, NikiW, you have hit the nail on the head. Thankyou

[kirsty_lee]

Argh, PB, I gotta spread the love dammit! I just wanted to say you have said what ALOT of members have been thinking and just not saying. I like you have recieved NUMEROUS pm's about alot of issues/attitudes but no one says anything to stand up for themselves or their beliefs! Good on you for saying exactly what your feeling and why it has upset you. Imo, this isn't about 'how we individually perceive or interpret ones comments', because it's pretty clear that it's not just the OP who looked at it and went 'errrr incensitive'. Like I said hun, it's always going to be something that you do as a mother that people won't agree with. You just learn to form a thick skin

[maz]

Only YOU can let someones post affect you......its your interpritation of what they have said and allow it to fester that will damage you.

In all honesty..this thread is starting to become like a ***** session......if you dont like what someone say's report them, PM them or be the bigger person and just simply turn the computer off and walk away

[Olive]

im so sad to see that this thread has become more about mother AGAINST mother than mothers SUPPORTING mothers, were women, mothers and nuturers, lets leave it at that, go cuddle and love our kids no matter how we feed them, why not come up with ideas on how we can as a group help others, create more awareness about the lack of help many get when it comes to breastfeeding, why not try and make a difference even if its to just one other mum?

[Lolli]

PB- hun, just for the record, i was one of those people who PM'ed you with support. It wasn't because I was afraid of retribution. It was because I wanted to give you the support I could see you needed, but I didn't want to publicly contribute to a thread that was effectively slandering someone who was not online to defend themselves, and probably not even aware such a discussion was taking place. Now pb I know that was not your intention. When I read you OP, i was not aware that it was a specific comment that upset you, it was someone else's post that alerted me to that. But that seems to be what this thread turned into.

I understand what was said was hurtful- like I said in my PM, that would have devastated me. But this would also devastate me- if I made a thoughtless comment, after a long and stressful day, (who can say they haven't done that?) that was interpreted the wrong way by a lot of people; then there is a public thread about how insensitve I've been, without me having a chance to explain myself. That would be quite hurtful as well.

Just my two cents. i think it's important to take everything everyone says online- no matter who they are- with a pebble-sized grain of salt. I hope you can find some peace with this pb- it almost seems like the person who is being hardest on you about ff is yourself. You did the right thing for you and your baby, deep down you know that- take it, own it, be proud of the mummy you are

[Liz]

Despite the tendency of some BF promotional literature to hype the magical qualities of BM and to expose the alleged dangers of formula, it should be remembered that formula milk is a safe and nutritious alternative to, or addition to, BM. FACT.

*watches the pendulum swing back & forth*

for a thread that was supposedly started about feeling unsupported and complaining about bullying... there's been a fair bit of bullying of those providing support for breastfeeding.. now to the point where it's being spouted that benefits of breastfeeding are only magical hype and any risks or dangers of formula feeding are only "alleged" because formula is as good as, if not better than breastmilk? Why bother trying to breastfeed at all if this is FACT.

And I totally agree that if there are issues with what someone has said.. take it up privately. Mob mentality can get out of control very quickly. No one deserves to be tarred & feathered, whether there are higher expectations on them or not.

[Jennifer13]

I sympathise with someone feeling attacked over something that has been said to upset them.

But starting a thread, bagging out a person for what they said and not dealing with this directly with the person involved - not cool.

[Oorki Galoorki]

OK here we go.

it was Me who said those "things" to KL, SO KL i apologise for not putting things elequently, as a BFer who FFed too i wanted to say that i put my bfing before my own feelings as providing the best for my child was more important to me! that was the point behind what was said. I have the grace of a brick! when it comes to the written word and making my self clear.

18 months has passed since then, KL is happy with her choices.

like what has been said many times on BB only the reader can interperet the posts made, how the reader on that particular day feels changes it to.. so posters can not be held accountable for others feelings. but are accountable to themselves and to provide factual information.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I sympathise with someone feeling attacked over something that has been said to upset them.

But starting a thread, bagging out a person for what they said and not dealing with this directly with the person involved - not cool.

Spot on.

[AliBaby]

Wow!

I dont normally like to comment on these threads and its not because of the content, but I read the other thread and I think that this thread was totally unnescesary and should be closed.

In the other thread, the poster apologised for the misinterpretation and explained themselves and this thread slandering someone was still opened.

I really do agree that a PM is much better than a public slandering. Just my opinion of course but I am sure many would agree.

[Jakabella]

One of the main things that make FF mums feel like crap are when ppl say "formula feeding is dangerous and risky" Just stop and think about being told that how you feed your baby is risky and dengerous. It makes you feel like crap weather you have choosen it or had it forced apon you. Evey mum WANTS to do what is best for thier baby, I had no choice, Bella would have died. I get that it was out of my control and alot of other mums control - yep I get that breast is best. Many cant do that and when you already feel like a failure its a very very very hard thing to hear that they way you HAVE to feed your bub is dangeous and risky.

Kate

[Liz]

Just stop and think about being told that how you feed your baby is risky and dengerous. It makes you feel like crap weather you have choosen it or had it forced apon you.

I would feel the same as I do when people talk about the risks of immunising and I have my children immunised. I'm glad to know the risks that are involved. I'm not sticking my head in the sand about it and hoping no-one ever speaks of the risks of immunisations ever again.