WHY do we FF? **NOT A VENT THREAD**

[Babyluv]

Wow so many of your stories relate to what I'm going through right now!

My DD is 5 weeks old. When we were in hospy she wouldn't feed because she had alot of mucous and also seemed to be struggling with attachment so was syringe fed. She continued to struggle with attaching & would scream & scream at the breast. I got her on finally the day before we were going home. First 2 weeks still had lots of issues with her refusing to attach, screaming at the breast etc. She finally started to feed well but became increasingly unsettled. She screams sometimes for 7hrs non stop & feeding this whole time constantly through the night turns out she has silent reflux. The silent reflux has improved with Zantac but the unsettled behaviour continued and she would be on the boob feeding, continually pulling off screaming and I had the feeling she was still hungry even though the MCHN & LC told me my body would produce enough milk for her and that her unsettled behaviour was normal. So After about the fifth night in a row of screaming and constant feeding for 7-8 hrs I decided to give her a top up with formula.
I battled with this decision so much. There was so much pressure put on me in hospital to BF and even after hospy the health nurse & LC told me I'd be producing enough, not to give her formula etc.
I really desperately wanted to exclusively BF my baby and felt so guilty about giving her formula. I know it's silly but I feel like ppl will judge me, like I've failed as a mum for giving her formula but my bub is so much happier now and much more settled having a top up. We had our first 6hr break between feeds last night.
I wish I hadn't been made to feel likeio couldn't give her formula, that I was a failure if I did. I don't think its fair. Some women can exclusively BF some give top ups & some exclusively FF. We all make the best possible choices we can for our babies and we give them what we think is best and that's what matters. Even now I feel so guilty & like I've let her down, which I know is just crazy!
So now I'm feeding bub on the breast, top ups when needed & expressing after every feed to try & boost my supply. I'm also drinking aktavite and looking at getting some supplements.

[Cass72]

Hugs to you!!!! What a fantastic job you are doing! You have made the right choice for you and your bub. People are judgmental but sometimes we are harsher on ourselves. Also, as an aside, I don't know if it really dies work or not but Actavite seemed to do wonders for my supply!

[danniellabella]

I BF DD until exactly 5 months because my supply ran out as I'd gone back to full-time work.

I had to use a nipple shield the whole time while I was BF because she just couldn't latch on.

I hated BF. I hated the way my boobs got so hard, I got sick of the smell, sick of having to wear a bra all the time, sick of the way they just hurt anytime I thought about DD and just hated the way I didn't feel "normal" until I stopped BF.

I remember telling mum this and that I didn't know if I wanted to BF if we had another child and was so pleased with her reaction "do whatever feels best for you and don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing because believe it or not, you actually do know what is best for your child"

So, if we decide to have another child I've decided that I will most likely FF from birth. This is also because if we have another child I'll most likely go back to work after a couple of months as I earn more than DH and probably always will.

[Blondie]

I agree this thread was a good idea!

I had a great supply of Colostrum and Milk and fed Aidan from the Breast for 6 weeks and loved it but had numerous feeding issues (bad attachment, flat nipples, large breasts) I did seek assistance for this, I had spoken to two Lactation Consultants and visited one at a Clinic so when nothing seemed to work I then decided to start expressing and giving him Breast Milk in a bottle. I kept this up for 2-3 weeks but it totally exhausted me, as I had so much milk I felt like I was constantly attached to the Breast Pump. The last straw was that I got a slight bout of Mastitis and also got Raynaud's of the nipple and a fungal infection in my nipples from the massive and deep cracks in them. I couldn't continue down this path - had I not had nipple issues I would have persevered but I was exhausted, in pain and was starting to feel depressed. So this week I have made the decision to wean my son, it was a difficult decision to make but for my sake it had to be made and now I am happy with my decision. I have given him a good start, he is happy and healthy but its time to start looking after me, so that I can better look after him

Thanks again for setting up the thread

[Babyluv]

Well dome Blondie you're doing a great job!

[Pooley]

Daniellabella- I am so happy that someone is game enough to say what you did out loud.

I had complications and suffered an epidural headache. I went great at breastfeeding to start with, no attachment issues, DS was feeding fine. I went home thinking my headache was just from the hospital and that I would be fine at home. First night my DS woke numerous times and each time I was upright and tried to feed I started vomitting. It was so bad I nearly vomitted on my DS's head at one stage. By the morning I was back in hospital expressing for my son while the docs figured out what was wrong. To me, with the associated pain and symptoms from my headache, my breast milk was the most foul and horrid thing I had ever smelt and I was dry reaching everytime I smelt it. FF was the easiest decision I made. I have no regrets and think that because of my stay in hospital and the fact that I couldn't even look after myself, my DH and FF was the best choice. I was not one of the mother's that was physically unable to BF, I just chose not to. Breastfeeding was not normal or nice or natural for me. Maybe 2nd time round I'll give it a go.

[black_rose]

Haven't read all the replies yet but here is our story

Dd1 was a premmie, I had an emergency c sect at 34 weeks. It took a long time for my milk to come in. She was always topped up with formula, her weight gains hovered at 80g a week. At 8 months she self weaned to formula, after trial and error we worked out with everything she had been through she was lactose intolerant. She finally put on closer to 150g a week.

Dd2 was in scn with jaundice and had formula until my milk came in, but we bf for 8 months.

Ds was born with an unexplained low grade fever, he was bf exclusively for three months but he lost close to 15% of his birth weight and only managed 50g a week. At 3 months he was diagnosed with reflux, he still had trouble with weight gains on his meds, so we introduced formula and confirmed he is also lactose intolerant. He was close to being admitted to hospital. At 4 months he refused to bf so he went onto formula. After stopping bf he is now putting on 230g a week. It seems that he wasn't tolerating my breast milk even after i cut all dairy and wheat from my diet.

I am just happy to have a healthy little family continuing to bf dd1 and Ds would have done them more harm than good and when on formula and they thrived.

[Daffodil Mumma]

Our DS was FF from about day 5.....I was so determined to BF but many things worked against us.
Without too many gory details.....I felt let down by my body that I didnt have the natural birth I wanted, I felt distant from DS (and that distance stayed with me til I saw him finally get a decent feed on FF) DS just would not/could not latch properly, I was told I had inverted nipples (again feelings of my body let me down) tried expressing - nothing from one side, minimal from the other (more body failure feelings!!) So at 3am one morning with my DS having cried constantly for hours and hours on end, DH & I at our wits end, my MIL gently suggested we give formula a try and I "gave in" in my mind I really did feel at that time I was a failure and I let my DS down.......but when I saw how eagerly he drank that bottle and how soundly he slept afterwards....my only regret is that I didnt try it sooner!!

[Nettie]

I was so ready to BF and had great plans to make sure I did it as good as I could and as long as I could.

Then DS was born with a cleft palate and it wasn't possible to get him to attach. I did try 3 times, but it was a horrible experience for the both of us, so I stopped trying. I don't regret that as it was very traumatic for both of us.

I expressed for 3 months (partly with FF as well) which was as long as my body could do it without medications which I wasn't convinced didn't increase my already high risk of breast cancer.

So there's another reason for FF.. thanks Maz for making me feel less of a freak!

[Schmickers]

We formula fed our middle daughter from the age of six months to a year because DW became very ill and lost her supply.

[Danielle_NZ]

I'm one to always give something a go, but not to blame myself when / if it doesn't work.

My first son, I was induced and after no progress in over 10 hours (still at negative 2) I was rushed off for an emergency c-section. My milk didn't come in, I ended up with mastitis twice after I got home from my c-section, first I was in hospital for 3 days with a male nurse on an old persons ward with a communal bathroom, I didn't feel safe there at all, having to leave my baby to go to the bathroom to shower (I'd hold off till I had visitors), when asking for help with feeding I had a male who really didn't know what he was doing try to show me. I still tried, we were topping up with FF after using whatever I could express. Was home for a few days then back to hospital for a day while I was on a drip and antibiotics via IV then onto oral medication so I could go home. My DP wasn't supportive (because he was going to work next day) the night I broke down... two weeks after my c-section, 11 o'clock at night I put my son on our bed (while DP dozed) and said I was going to get formula.

My second son (new partner, now DH) my waters broke and I was again taken to get my c-section (only two days before my scheduled surgery) I believe my milk came in a few days later and when I got home I was expressing to release the build up... I was stupid I threw out this EBM as I was more than capable in feeding him directly... however I ended up in hospital with an infection in my c-section scar... this got extremely bad... I was on extreme drugs... had two additional surgeries... my milk dried up over the course of my additional 3 week stay and he was switched to FFs, I don't remember alot of my hospital stay so I please that he wasn't passed on the drugs I was given.

This time I am planning on breast feeding again... however I will take what comes... I am in the process of trying to gain as much information as possible to gear myself up for the right start...

[Inertia]

My story is here.

Way too much to retype.

[SammyRo]

Honey - what an amazing story, and you should be so proud of your efforts for all your babies - it sounds like you tried you best with the information you had.

To everyone else, you all seem to have tried your hardest in situations that were often out of your hands, so again you should all be so proud!

My story is a little different, but by 11months, both my children have ended up being ff. Reading this thread, I kept changing my mind about telling my stories - I had no traumatic birth, no illness, no attachment problems (apart from at the very start), it was just our choice. I understand and respect those that want to bf past the 12month mark, and even past the 2year mark, but I had always thought that my bf'ing would end at the 12month mark. I'm happy with my decisions and decided to post my story, because for the most part, the stories that have been told have been that bf was a struggle for one reason or another. Those mothers like me that haven't had as difficult a journey might still end up feeling guilty when they read this thread. So i figured I'd tell my story (does this all make sense or is it just dribble lol!)

DD was posterior and had a massive haemotoma on the front of her head. I didn't get to attempt a bf until she was about 2-3hrs old because she came out flat and was rushed off me for oxygen, she was then taken to nursery for observation. after that, BF in hospital was ok, and because I was in the MGP they let me go home. The first night home she slept 8hours, and we told our mw the next day about our wonderful sleeping baby, but she said um, nope she shouldn't be sleeping that long, especially as she was developing jaundice as the haemotoma broke down. So we had to wake her 3hrly to make sure she fed, but even then, she wouldn't attach or would keep falling asleep. Luckily, I had a pump so after talking with my mw again, the plan was to offer her a feed, try for 10 mins, then express for 10mins and then finger feed her. We kept this up for 72 hours, and just when i got to the point where I couldn't carry on, she started to feed and she fed well. But I always had issues with expressing, I would pump for over half an hour at a time, and only get 20mls or so. If I wanted to express enough to cover one feed, I would have to express a couple of times a day (only in the morning, in the arvo I had no chance of getting any out) so when at 6months, I was going back to work (mainly in the evening) we decided to introduce one bottle at night. Luckily DD was happy to switch. About 9months, I also swapped her early morning feed for a bottle, I found that if I bf her when she woke at 5am, that would be the start to our day so I decided to give her a bottle and she slept for a few more hours. At 11months, she had gradually weaned her daytime feeds so that all her BF's were over by 11 months.

Again, within half an hour of DS being born he was in nursery for observation, but was back and had had a succesful feed. But then he was admitted back to the NICU for antibiotics and wouldn't feed so ended up with a naso-gastric tube. I asked the nurses to let me know when he woke up for a feed so that I could still try and attach him before he was given formula, and luckily, by mid morning the next day he was feeding well enough for them to remove the naso-gastric tube. From then on, DS never had a problem with BF'ing. We saw a LC just to check all was good because he was slow weight gaining, but by wk 3 my mgp mw was very happy with him. I managed to get even less milk when I expressed this time so at about 8months, we introduced a bottle of ff in the evening. About 10months, we introduced a morning ff and then DS decided he preferred the bottle.

[cathie5]

Hi ladies,
I have 6 chn and I have FF each and everyone. Alex my first I started to BF and I hated it, I did it for 4 weeks. I just didn't like him any where near my Boobs.

[~Sarah~]

DD was BF for 1 month before my milk dried up

DS was BF for 4 months, same thing, milk dried up, I tried everything to get it going again, LC, feeding heaps, expressing even meds but nothing worked

[RhiChiChi]

DD was BF for 1 month before my milk dried up

DS was BF for 4 months, same thing, milk dried up, I tried everything to get it going again, LC, feeding heaps, expressing even meds but nothing worked

((hugs)) Sounds like you had a crappy time but gave it a good shot.

[starangelk]

I BF and expressed and gave her EBM bottles until 8 months. When DD was 6 months old AF returned and I fell pregnant straight away. She became fussy at the breast and refused to feed so I ended up full time expressing for 1.5 months. My supply started to drop when she was 8 months old and we started topping her up with formula. Now at 9 months she is drinking 3 formula bottles/day and 1 EBM bottle. I feel like my BFing friends (not on here) judge me for being so inconsiderate to fall pregnant so quickly and use formula. As if I had a choice, have another baby and use formula or stay BFing DD and have another baby later on. I didn't see it this way at the time and I still don't. DD is thriving on formula, we have had no problems - she took it without any faces or spits and drinks both types of milk happily. I was disappointed initially to give her the formula but just like my CS, once I had a chance to process MY feelings about it and let go of the judgments of others, I felt fine with it.

Great thread

[mel_cur]

I am a proud FF

When DD was born 5 weeks early, I had to have an emergency c-section as she presented footling breech after my waters broke (no contracts, midwives just did an internal to check if I was dilated!). They had minuted to get her out as the cord prolapsed. DD had to go to SCN and I didn't see her for 24hrs

I expressed to give her milk via her feeding tube and after a few days I did try and BF her. She latched on correctly and had a great go of it but often she would get tired and slip off and suck only on the nipple part.

DD was in SCN we me expressing whilst at home and the nurses topping up with formula when there wasn't enough milk to feed her. Towards the end of the 2 weeks I went back to hospital to be with her for 24hrs before I took her home. It became very clearly that I had no where enough milk for her and had to mix feed.

A few days of me trying to do both, I ended up just FF feeding as it was becoming less and less BF.

It was great because DH could do a feed as well to give me a break when he got home. Cleaning all the bottles was a PITA though lol.

With this one I am not sure what I will do. I think I will at the very least express to give DH a go of feeding as well.