Any suggestions???

[Sally2]

Hi Nurse86

My partner and I have just conceived through IVF in Victoria and we are currently 7 weeks pregnant. Sooo excited, we got lucky on our first attempt so now we are just waiting to see if we stick!

You have a lot of decision making to do, but thankfully in Victoria at the moment, you actually have a lot of options. Hoorah for the new law changes Melbourne IVF, who helped us, have 'relaxed' a lot of rules regarding access for single women and lesbians in anticipation of of the law changes coming through later this year.

SO, your options are : at home with a known donor
We have friends who now have a beautiful little girl after meeting her 'father' at a Maybe Baby meeting in Melbourne. I would really recommend going to at least one of their meetings, their website is maybebaby.org.au, it's for prospective gay and lesbian parents and it's a great way to meet other gay people who are all wanting to be, or are already, parents. Their meetings are usually held once a month at a restaurant in melbourne.
Our friends are now doing amazingly well with their 'father' having once a week visits with their daughter, but it has certainly been a long road to get to this 'happy medium' to create their blended family. But, their little girl knows her father and will have access to him for the rest of her life, so if that's important to your family, then absolutely find out as much as you can about this way of creating your baby. It's been really successful for a lot of people we have talked to.
We certainly looked at this options, but got totally scared off by the fact that, no matter what sort of legal document you have in place before the birth, including a parenting order drawn up by a lawyer, saying that the 'father' will not have any or minimal access or custody to the child, it can only show intent in a family court and judges will, and have, ruled that the 'father' can have 50% custody and all the rights of parenthood. So if you go into this with everything in place to use a friend or a guy you met over the internet to basically be a sperm donor, he can sue for custody once the baby is born, despite what you have decided beforehand.
We decided that we didn't want to take that chance, as we weren't looking for a 'father', just a sperm donor, so we approached Melbourne IVF to find out what they could offer us.
Option 2 : IVF Access
Thankfully, my partner had polycystic ovarian syndrome, which meant that we got full access to IVF including anonymous donor sperm, with the sperm only becoming available because of the impending law changes. Prior to December of last year, you would have had to provide your own sperm donor to access IVF with the known donor being treated as the father, with all the legal rights. With anonymous sperm, the donor is treated as exactly that, a donor, with no paternal rights, but all their information is on file with the clinic, so when our baby turns 18, they can access all their information and contact their father if they want.
All you need to go to Melbourne IVF is a referral from your GP, so it is well worth going to see a specialist there, as you may be able to access donor sperm, if not now then in the very near future, with no medical infertility. Medicare covers your costs the same as a heterosexual married couple, which means you do have a substantial out of pocket expense, but you get a lot of that back from Medicare.

Anyway, we have a lot of information about all of this as we have been trying to do this for 3 years now, so have talked to a lot of people to find a way that works for us.

Good luck to you, I really recommend getting as much information as you possibly can, as the law changes are really shaking things up and you have a lot more options now than you had even six months ago.

Sal & Sal

[nurse86]

Thankyou for your msg, Sally2, sorry for the late reply.

I didnt know that same sex couples could access IVF in melbourne, I thought u had to have fertility problems. I also was unaware that medicare offers a rebate. Guess I gotta get up to date with Victorian law.

Thanks for the information. Did you and ur partner concieve the first time?

Have you decided on what your baby will call u both (ie mum/mumma etc) and which surname your baby will have?

Nurse 86

[Sally2]

Yeah, the new law changes are making a HUGE difference already and they aren't even in yet!!
I believe the policy's change from clinic to clinic, so my recommendation would definitely be Melbourne IVF as they have been amazing for us You will need to see a specific specialist who is connected to Melbourne IVF. We had no idea who anyone was so rang Royal Womens Hospital who gave us the name of our specialist.

We were so so so lucky, my partner conceived on our very first round of IVF. We had six eggs harvested, only one fertilised and that's the little sticky baby that she is brewing right now! She will be the 'tummy mummy' for all our kids as I have no interest in being pregnant, just in being a Mum at the end of it all and sharing her pregnancy journey. I figure i'm more useful cooking for her while she does all the hard work
I think she will be Mum or Mummy and I will be Mama ( we share the same first name, so that limits our choices a bit ) but I think these things evolve on their own, whatever our kids call us will be their own choices. The last name will be a hyphenation of our last names, as you can put whatever last name you like on the birth certificate.

Sorry, I ramble on a bit, it's just that we are soooo excited and I'm completely addicted to these forums! I love having this gay and lesbian thread, it's really cool to be connected to other families that are going through the same journey that we are! Although if we go shopping in one more baby store with one more sales assistant that says ' And where is the father' I might scream. Though it's something we need to get used to...

[kate28]

Hi nurse86 and Sally. My partner and I are also in Vic and had to overcome all the obstacles that brings.

Nurse86, the law changes still haven't come through yet so you have to be declared clinically infertile before you can access any fertility treatment. There is a home insemination program operating through Melbourne IVF which allows you to bank known donor sperm and take it home to inseminate but you have to factor in a 6 month quarantine period after you have found a donor and deposited his sperm before you can proceed with any cycles.

Everything (costs, lead up times, legalities) depends on which road you want to follow (as Amazing Race puts it, "each with their own pros and cons!"). We travelled to City Fertility Centre in Brisbane to start our TTC adventure. We did 4 rounds of IUI and after learning that our donor's statistics weren't going to cut it, we went to IVF and got pregnant on the second IVF transfer (a frozen cycle). Between our two IVF cycles though we signed up to start IVF with Melb IVF with a new donor but fortunately we didn't have to proceed with that treatment. Although now, we have to travel up to brisbane again should my partner wish to conceive the second child with the same donor. After all the dramas, we might just be content with the one! If you ever want to do IVF or IUIs at either of those clinics, I'm happy to help you with any q's you have. I really could have used some advise at the time myself!

Sally, congrats to you and your partner. I was at a prospective lesbian parenting group meeting on saturday (maybe you were there too??) and we talked about setting up a playgroup for new lesbian mums. There are rainbow family playgroups already in existence but they are more geared to older children so we should start one for the newbies like us. I'm due in October but there are a couple of new babies already in existence that should start getting together soon.

Oh well all the best to you both and I look forward to hearing how things go.

Kate

[Sally2]

Hi Kate
The playgroup idea sounds fantastic, are you guys in Melbourne or Country? We've ( hopefully ) got two other couples that might be conceiving around now as well, so a new babies group sounds like a fantastic idea. I will leave my email on your profile page.

Nurse 86, we investigated the known donor sperm storage that Melbourne IVF are running, but the only real benefit is that you know the sperm is tested for STI's and HIV and you can access it when you want, instead of waiting for a 'home visit' at his convenience. Unfortunately, the donor could sue for paternity rights if he wanted as he's not classed as an anonymous donor with no legal rights. At a maybebaby meeting we went to, there was a couple who had just had their donor win 50% custody of their son, even though he had gone through the clinic and they thought they were covered legally. Really scary stuff, as they didn't know him well at all and now he is responsible for raising their son and takes him three nights a week.

If you want to chat more privately, leave a message on our profile page with your email address, as there is more information available with regard to accessing IVF with anonymous sperm as a lesbian without medical infertility. I totally agree with Kate, I wish that there was more advice around when we were trying to find out more info about all of this! We should write an Australian version of The ultimate guide to pregnancy for lesbians