Any suggestions???

[nurse86]

I'm curious to find out how other women are trying to concieve ie: IVF, self insemination with a doner etc. I'm not completely sure of whats legally available to lesbian couples in Victoria; I have a feeling that my partner and I may have to travel to other states to eventually fall pregnant.

I never dreamt the having a baby would be so difficult; I guess growing up I always thought it was simple . . . find a guy, get married and have a baby. But when I came out and realised that I wasnt going to find a guy, (coz it was really a woman that i was looking for) it became apparant that falling pregnant wasnt going to be that simple. Ive found the perfect girl, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with; and we both want children, thats for sure....but, how do we go about fulfilling that dream?

I guess Im a little stuck, and just not sure where to be looking for more information.

Hoping that someone can help me out with some advice

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Hi Nurse86 welcome to BB!

There is a young lady couple on here who are from QLD who are currently expecting thier first. Hopefully she will pop in late and be able to give you some more information.

From my understanding, I think you do need to travel interstate but I could be wrong.

Hope your journey TTC is a short one!

[nurse86]

Thanks for your msg. If you dont mind me asking, are you in a lesbian relationship? or did you concieve naturally? Thankyou for the advice, will look forward to talking to other young lesbian couples. P.S the photo of your baby is GORGEOUS!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

No to the first question, yes to the second.
Just thought I'd pop in and let you know that someone should be able to help you with all of your questions soon as there is someone that has been through the process!

Thanks hun I think he's pretty spunky too!

[Chippy]

We conceived at home using fresh donor sperm. It took 6 months to get a sticky pregnancy and I am now 12 weeks pregnant.

If you want to conceive using reproductive technology this year, you will have to go interstate but the laws are going to change soon and you should be able to access IVF etc in Vic by next year.

Good Luck!

[Indadhanu]

Hello

My partner and I are in Qld, so we aren't completely up to date with the Victorian laws, but we do understand your struggle. We were extremely lucky to find a clinic that had sperm donors available (considering the shortage). We got pregnant on the 4th go, using an unknown Australian donor and fertility treatment (IUI + Clomid).

At the moment single woman and lesbian couples are having to travel interstate or DIY, but the laws are changing in Victoria, so that you will soon be able to access fertility treatment (at the moment they cannot unless over a certain age or medically diagnosed with fertility issues *I think*). I'm not entirely sure when they come in, but I reckon you'd find a lot of info on google, or contact a clinic, as I'm sure they'd have some answers. But it won't be covered under Medicare unless you have a diagnosed medical reason that you need fertility treatment.

That's about it. Have you thought about known vs. unknown donors? Thats a huge decision you have to make, best to think about before you approach the clinics so you know what needs to be done (i.e. find a donor, choose a unknown donor, import sperm etc). That'll help when you choose a clinic as well as some clinics don't have an Australian sperm donor service, or have extremely long waiting lists, so you'll need to wait or import (and be prepared for the costs). Some clinics won't allow you to import sperm so you'll have to wait or find another clinic. If you have a known donor its a bit easier, and you can try DIY at home before approaching a clinic but you need to be aware of the legalities of it all, and make sure you three are all on the same wavelength with regards to parenting, access, birth certificate, names, roles in the childs life etc.

Hope I haven't bombarded you, and that this has helped!

[kate28]

That's a really scary story. That documentary on SBS about the known donor was also very frightening. I was keen for a known donor at the start but I'm now quite relieved that my partner insisted on anon. I guess it really depends on who it is though. We just didn't know anyone we were prepared to approach.

[Sally2]

I like your ticker Kate! Is his name going to be Hugo or is it a cute nickname while he's in the belly?

Yeah, there are some horror stories out there about sperm donors sueing for custody and judges not recognising that we, as gay women, are perfectly capable of raising our children without a father having to be involved. We couldn't take the risk though, that someone we didn't know very well, or even someone we were good friends with, could come and take our baby out of the house for days at a time. We had reached a stage last November where we decided that if we couldn't get pregnant with anonymous sperm, we wouldn't have children at all.
I know there are some amazing blended rainbow families who seem to have achieved the perfect mix of two mums and two dads, all raising and loving some very lucky kids. I believe it's possible, but we couldn't take the fear that one day, someone else could come into our lives and take our children. So this way worked for us!

[Lea79]

hi guys,

The known donor issues scare me too. DP and I have thought through this extensively and still think that a known donor would suit us best. Our known donor lives in Sydney and has helped a few other couples conceive their babies. He seems quite genuine and by talking to him you just know that he has done this before. He has never once been pushy. He respects our wishes and does not expect to have part of the childs life unless we want a limited amount. We have come across some really dodgy would be donors so we have been really careful in our choices. What it comes down to is the child. We want them to know who their father is and have the choice to get to know him or not. They have to live with it for the rest of their lives, it only affects us mildly considering. We also think its more personal to conceive our child together in the privacy of our own home. Of course we are presently trying to find a gay friendly lawyer to help us out with the contract etc and thats no easy road living in a town who is quite homophobic but I'm sure if we ask around some of our gay friends we will find somebody suitable.

We thought about going through a clinic many times. The risks are far less and lots of our gay friends have used them but something just didn't seem right with us. We will try the home insemination method first and see if we are successful from there. Many of you who have used clinics seem very happy with the outcome and we have nothing against them. Its just that we dont think it will suit us. As long as we get the legal stuff sorted correctly I dont think we will have a problem. We have until december to sort this so hopefully all will be good by then and we will know our donor a bit better too!
Goodluck everyone!

Leanne n Selena

[Sally2]

It's all about whatever journey works for you and your family. At the end of the day, it's our choice and it's wonderful that there are choices out there and there are guys who unselfishly want to help families and there are clinics who will work with us.

We feel so blessed to be having this baby come into our lives and have made the best decision we can about access that we are comfortable with for our donor. At 18, our kids can access all the information they want or need, including meeting our donor and we can actually request an earlier meeting if our kids are adamant earlier about wanting to know. It's been a long process to get to this point and many D & M's about it over sleepless nights.

Everyone's family is different and these kids are going to be wanted and loved, so what else can someone ask for?

[Lea79]

Thats right Sally. I didn't mean for it to come across in a negative way. Whatever suits each couple is the right choice for them to take. I totally agree with it. There are two flipsides with whatever road you choose. We are just really lucky to be able to have babies come into our lives.

[Chippy]

I'm due in Dec and am totally up for a new mums group! Where are all of you?...I'm in the inner north of melb.

[sailorkaz]

Hey there!
I saw in an earlier post here a mention of Rainbow Playgroups and how it was geared toward older kids rather than new mums and bubs. Just thought i'd mention this isn't necessarily the case, we attend the South East Rainbow playgroup and there are kids of all ages, quite a few <2, including our 4 month old. The playgroup is a nice bunch of people and so many beautiful babies and children, with activities organised every fortnight.
Cheers, Kaz

[FPmum2b]

We have gone with a known donor and self-insemination after going through Qld Fertility Group a few years ago. Found only male Dr's would see lesbian couples which was ok and the nursing staff were very helpful and supportive, but they would not let you use their donor sperm. We already had a donor but the mandatory counseling caused a few issues as they were extremely moralistic towards our donor who does not want to be a daddy. He eventually said he was happy to be a donor, but not through the clinic.

Cut to several years later, we gave is four shots and the last one stuck. Most excited.

We also saw the SBS doco and were a little freaked out. We already knew from the fertility clinic that contracts are not legal in Australia but hadn't really considered the emotions involved on all sides. We were really clear about the difference between a daddy and a donor but found many men were not. After the clinic experience we looked for other potential donors but couldn't find anyone else with the same intentions and wishes. So glad when things worked out with the original donor.

I am totally new to this forum thing, so bear with me.

f