Donor wants to wait now...

[kah]

I know I posted this in my other thread, but I just can't help it. My DP had finally come around to wanting to start TTC right away, and I gleefully messaged our donor friend, who has been on side with us for the past year or two...only to be intercepted by his now wife, who wants to wait until THEY have children!

We understand completely, (at least I think I do) but it's just so frustrating. We chose him because he is a very dear lifelong friend of ours and as an added bonus, his father was adopted, so he believes firsthand that family is the people who raise and love you, not necessarily who you are born to. He also has the mindset that our children will be our children, and not his. His wife, who is extremely lovely and caring, please don't get me wrong, isn't as easily able to think like this, and sent me a message saying she wants to be a mum to him first.

I understand where she's coming from, I really do, and I understand that it's absolutely huge for her to be able to see him through this in the first place! I'm just a little bit sad that things changed so quickly when we said we wanted to start TTC in a few months, as opposed to a few years.

Donor sperm is so low in Australia that I don't think it'll be any quicker if we decide to find someone else, either...

Just needing a vent space! Has anything like this happened to you?

[beckoes]

sorry to hear that there has been a spanner in the works, i have no advice really, just sending hugs.

[kah]

Thanks! I'm a bit angry, even though I know I shouldn't be, and I really have no right to be...it's just frustrating.
Grrrrrrrrr..... :P

[Teeki]

Oh kah, I'm so sorry this is happening I don't know that I have any advice, I've never been in a situation like that. I can say that if I were the donor's wife, I'd initially need a little bit of time to come around to the fact that this was something he was doing, but I certainly wouldn't be stopping it. I mean, you won't "be a mum to him" he will be helping you be a parent with your own DP. And it's not as though she will need to put TTC with him on hold if he helps you out - he can make the donation and still make a baby with his wife, right?

So sorry hun, I hope you can sort something out and start your family soon

[Maxxy]

Hi are you still waiting?

I know I posted this in my other thread, but I just can't help it. My DP had finally come around to wanting to start TTC right away, and I gleefully messaged our donor friend, who has been on side with us for the past year or two...only to be intercepted by his now wife, who wants to wait until THEY have children!

We understand completely, (at least I think I do) but it's just so frustrating. We chose him because he is a very dear lifelong friend of ours and as an added bonus, his father was adopted, so he believes firsthand that family is the people who raise and love you, not necessarily who you are born to. He also has the mindset that our children will be our children, and not his. His wife, who is extremely lovely and caring, please don't get me wrong, isn't as easily able to think like this, and sent me a message saying she wants to be a mum to him first.

I understand where she's coming from, I really do, and I understand that it's absolutely huge for her to be able to see him through this in the first place! I'm just a little bit sad that things changed so quickly when we said we wanted to start TTC in a few months, as opposed to a few years.

Donor sperm is so low in Australia that I don't think it'll be any quicker if we decide to find someone else, either...

Just needing a vent space! Has anything like this happened to you?

[kah]

I guess there must be something in having your own children first...yeah. I do understand where they're coming from, it does make a lot of sense. I mean, especially if she couldn't conceive or MC or anything, it would be a huge blow to see us with her husband's bio child while they were having trouble or something.

It must have been a blow when he changed his mind...at least you have a beautiful little boy now!

[kah]

Thanks KTee! *hugs*

I know, it was a big blow, like I said, we've been discussing this for nearly two years now, they've had heaps of time to realise they wanted children first! And that's exactly what I thought as well when I read her message, we wont be a 'mum to him'...he's her husband, he'll be the father of her children!

Ah well...good things come to those who wait, hey? xx

[kah]

Just a quick update on our situation After DP and I discussed it a bit further, we've decided to go with donor sperm from a clinic instead. We've thought if his wife can't see that he won't be a 'father' to our children now, what if she thinks like that after our baby had been born? She might want to push for him to have a first hand with raising the baby and I just do not want that.
And to be honest, I don't want to wait around for them to faff around and get pregnant themselves. So, all things aside, we'll officially be starting TTC in May-June 2011! (I know, it seems like forever anyway, but I wanted to take that long to save a bit extra and lose some excess weight. AND it looks as though I just might be heading for a pay-rise, every bit helps!

[HotI]

You sound really content with your decision. Best of luck!

[Teeki]

That's great news Kah! Sounds like things are really falling into place for you. Good luck for TTC next year!

[kah]

Thanks so much, guys! I really feel like this is the right decision, with everything suddenly just falling into place...I feel so relieved now! It might be a tad more costly with the donor sperm and all, but I believe it's worth it for us in the long run! I'm a little sad that it didn't work out with our donor friend, he's been a fabulous friend and we value and treasure his happiness to help us out, but I think it's best this way.
Love you all! x