Donor wants to wait now...

[kah]

I know I posted this in my other thread, but I just can't help it. My DP had finally come around to wanting to start TTC right away, and I gleefully messaged our donor friend, who has been on side with us for the past year or two...only to be intercepted by his now wife, who wants to wait until THEY have children!

We understand completely, (at least I think I do) but it's just so frustrating. We chose him because he is a very dear lifelong friend of ours and as an added bonus, his father was adopted, so he believes firsthand that family is the people who raise and love you, not necessarily who you are born to. He also has the mindset that our children will be our children, and not his. His wife, who is extremely lovely and caring, please don't get me wrong, isn't as easily able to think like this, and sent me a message saying she wants to be a mum to him first.

I understand where she's coming from, I really do, and I understand that it's absolutely huge for her to be able to see him through this in the first place! I'm just a little bit sad that things changed so quickly when we said we wanted to start TTC in a few months, as opposed to a few years.

Donor sperm is so low in Australia that I don't think it'll be any quicker if we decide to find someone else, either...

Just needing a vent space! Has anything like this happened to you?

[beckoes]

sorry to hear that there has been a spanner in the works, i have no advice really, just sending hugs.

[kah]

Thanks! I'm a bit angry, even though I know I shouldn't be, and I really have no right to be...it's just frustrating.
Grrrrrrrrr..... :P

[Teeki]

Oh kah, I'm so sorry this is happening I don't know that I have any advice, I've never been in a situation like that. I can say that if I were the donor's wife, I'd initially need a little bit of time to come around to the fact that this was something he was doing, but I certainly wouldn't be stopping it. I mean, you won't "be a mum to him" he will be helping you be a parent with your own DP. And it's not as though she will need to put TTC with him on hold if he helps you out - he can make the donation and still make a baby with his wife, right?

So sorry hun, I hope you can sort something out and start your family soon

[kah]

I guess there must be something in having your own children first...yeah. I do understand where they're coming from, it does make a lot of sense. I mean, especially if she couldn't conceive or MC or anything, it would be a huge blow to see us with her husband's bio child while they were having trouble or something.

It must have been a blow when he changed his mind...at least you have a beautiful little boy now!

[kah]

Thanks KTee! *hugs*

I know, it was a big blow, like I said, we've been discussing this for nearly two years now, they've had heaps of time to realise they wanted children first! And that's exactly what I thought as well when I read her message, we wont be a 'mum to him'...he's her husband, he'll be the father of her children!

Ah well...good things come to those who wait, hey? xx

[kah]

Just a quick update on our situation After DP and I discussed it a bit further, we've decided to go with donor sperm from a clinic instead. We've thought if his wife can't see that he won't be a 'father' to our children now, what if she thinks like that after our baby had been born? She might want to push for him to have a first hand with raising the baby and I just do not want that.
And to be honest, I don't want to wait around for them to faff around and get pregnant themselves. So, all things aside, we'll officially be starting TTC in May-June 2011! (I know, it seems like forever anyway, but I wanted to take that long to save a bit extra and lose some excess weight. AND it looks as though I just might be heading for a pay-rise, every bit helps!

[HotI]

You sound really content with your decision. Best of luck!

[Teeki]

That's great news Kah! Sounds like things are really falling into place for you. Good luck for TTC next year!

[kah]

Thanks so much, guys! I really feel like this is the right decision, with everything suddenly just falling into place...I feel so relieved now! It might be a tad more costly with the donor sperm and all, but I believe it's worth it for us in the long run! I'm a little sad that it didn't work out with our donor friend, he's been a fabulous friend and we value and treasure his happiness to help us out, but I think it's best this way.
Love you all! x

[sasha]

Sounds like a good choice! Fingers crossed for a BFP first time round

[kah]

Thank you! Ah, wouldn't that be just lovely!! I'll try not to get my hopes up TOO much though!

[mum+mum]

I was actually going to say that it sounds a little bit like a red flag with the chosen donor and his wife.
Our donor is my girls bestie of 20 years, (gay). He has no partner and will be known as Dad. I have known him for 8 years and we have already had complications arrising that we have had to bump on the head immediately with his family etc. I can't imagine him having a partner too.
I hope it happens very quickly for you... It did for us. We did home insem and it worked first cycle.
It's a very exciting road to be on...
If we did it over again we would have gone the same route however we would have sat down with his family and made sure he explained all the details to them as he hasn't.

Sounds bad but when we decided on him, we did so because he owns his own company and travels the world on business for around 5 months a year. he would be a donor but be known as Dad as we wouldn't like to fib to our child...
So my family and my girls would be the "childs family".... His family, who live 8 hrs away are saying things like we will spend every christmas with them at their house blah blah blah. Which is never going to happen.

So there have been some tears and there will possibly be more.
It's like all family planning though, gay or straight, everyone has an opinion and a say.

I hope things really work out for you. How exciting....!

[mum+mum]

By the way...
A note of advice...
If you are planning on TTC mid year, get online and order yourself some ovulation predictor kits, (wee sticks). It's only roughly 6 cycles till you start and you can't research your body and its motions too much.

I did this and found out I had a short leuteal phase. So from ovulation to my period was only 9 days and not 14 like most. So the lining of my uterus is not juicy enough to sustain an egg for the 1st 12 weeks. (3 m/c over 4 years ago before 12 weeks).
Knowing this, I took progesterone tablets for 20 days after ovulation to stop me bleeding and here we are, nearly 32 weeks pregnant with a rocking and rolling bub in my tum!

[Maxxy]

Hi are you still waiting?

I know I posted this in my other thread, but I just can't help it. My DP had finally come around to wanting to start TTC right away, and I gleefully messaged our donor friend, who has been on side with us for the past year or two...only to be intercepted by his now wife, who wants to wait until THEY have children!

We understand completely, (at least I think I do) but it's just so frustrating. We chose him because he is a very dear lifelong friend of ours and as an added bonus, his father was adopted, so he believes firsthand that family is the people who raise and love you, not necessarily who you are born to. He also has the mindset that our children will be our children, and not his. His wife, who is extremely lovely and caring, please don't get me wrong, isn't as easily able to think like this, and sent me a message saying she wants to be a mum to him first.

I understand where she's coming from, I really do, and I understand that it's absolutely huge for her to be able to see him through this in the first place! I'm just a little bit sad that things changed so quickly when we said we wanted to start TTC in a few months, as opposed to a few years.

Donor sperm is so low in Australia that I don't think it'll be any quicker if we decide to find someone else, either...

Just needing a vent space! Has anything like this happened to you?