African babies don't cry - I call bull****

[Maruschke]

Yeah I call BS too. I have a non-parent friend who happens to believe that Finnish babies simply don't cry, ever. You take them home, they sleep through the night (or not, but you just don't hear them) and you can take them anywhere without crying. She travelled next to one who didn't cry once on an international flight. Good for you dear.

I actually read something interesting about demand feeding from an evolutionary point of view. A crying baby in the middle of the night would attract interest from predators. Demand feeding and cosleeping was necessary for survival. CIO would not have worked way back then. Seems that there was a higher survival rate for babies born to mothers with this urge. It is also how the grasp reflex came about... when we were hairy, a grasp reflex meant a baby could hang on and be carried.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Feed your baby on demand. Love your baby on demand. But don’t feel like an attachment parenting failure if your baby is still a screamer. Just come commiserate with me until we all survive this. I’m on facebook at 3 am if you want to chat.

Hahaha - we are going to survive this. Talk to me in a few years and see if I have.

I didn't realise that "one vaccination in 8 months" was the "A+++" attachment parent. Oh well, failed at that parenting philosophy too. Darn it, here was me thinking that babywearing a 4yo on occasion and still co-sleeping meant I was a good mummy. Although I do work, so there's another fail.

Great, some babies are needier than others. Well done you for recognising that. Well done for talking attachment parenting as if it's the most normal thing that people in the street tell you to do (rarely has that been my experience). But attachment parenting isn't about a lack of vaccinations! Or maybe I missed that memo.

[onthefly]

You know... I never took it literally. All babies cry sometimes

[forshelby]

Some babies are just screamers. If you met my DS, you would all smile and nod knowingly. His temperament is not something I can alter, no matter how much I cuddle, co-sleep, demand feed (formula though............... pause for gasps lol) and do everything I can to calm him. I rarely bathe alone. I rarely sleep alone all night. There's always at least an hour of co-sleeping cuddles every night.

I think there's way too much judgement out there. And this woman was right about one thing - those who follow attachment/gentle parenting and have calm babies are lucky. Nothing more. I know it's not my fault my DS is a screamer, but I find the smugness of some individuals really gets to me. Like the JP I asked to sign some documents for me. I felt like I was in the principal's office. She lectured me (because DS was crying and I was trying to focus on the business at hand) and said "If you just love him enough he won't cry. All he needs is love." I wanted to get up and throat-slam her to the floor. Was she seriously suggesting that my baby was crying because I don't love him enough?! Little does she know, I went through hell to birth him. Little does she know, I've only JUST spotted the light at the end of the tunnel. Little does she know, my journey to and through motherhood has not been easy. Still she continued to judge. "My son's wife had a miscarriage recently. They're devastated. It's so sad. You are so blessed, and so lucky." I was gobsmacked. For a moment I felt sorry for her, because she had no idea of my history......... and was about to receive a face-full of abuse. I sat for a few moments, while she continued to carry on about how blessed I am, and how I've never had to deal with that heartache..... when I lost it. I looked her right in the eye and the words came flying out of my mouth like bullets. "They aren't the only ones to experience a loss. I miscarried my first baby." I hoped that would stop her. But no. "Oh but you're ok now." She said. I asked her to define ok. "Well, you had another baby, so everything's ok now". I teared up, and shook my head. She had no idea. I disengaged from the conversation at that point, and when we were done, made a complaint to her superior. Not surprisingly, this was not the first time she'd ambushed a young mother with her inappropriate comments and 'advice'.

The point of my story is that people should keep their mouths shut unless they know an individuals history/circumstances. And there is no magical solution to every baby's problems. There is no parenting utopia. There is no right answer. And what's right for me one day, might not be the next. Articles which suggest otherwise are simply un-helpful and a waste of time. I could be spending that time sleeping since I've been up half the night nurturing my baby. Am I a good mother now? Can I look down on others now like so many 'perfect mothers' do?

The others are right. All babies cry. All of them. *sigh*

[Smoke Jaguar]

I never took it literally, either! I took it more as babies aren't left to cry themselves to quietness and weren't expected to self-soothe, made to wait 3 hours to be fed etc.
Somehow it makes people feel better to believe that somewhere, there exists perfection!

[Lolpigs]

my baby is a screamer too that had a hard time getting to sleep during the day, I've been told that I'm spoiling her, I shoudl let her CIO, I am creating "rods for my back" I've ignored it all and just do what she needs. Tresillian says " after 20mins of sefl setting in the cot do whatever it takes to get her to sleep"

Good enough for me. I agree there is no perfect parenting world. Just babies that are high demand or not.

[meow]

Tresillian says " after 20mins of sefl setting in the cot do whatever it takes to get her to sleep"

Crazy huh? Since the science shows brain wiring has been affected after 5 mins of crying without a response.

I never took those things literally either- more that these babies only have to make a peep and they are fed because they are always worn or cosleeping so they are right with their mumma.

I HATE going places with baby in the car seat and he cries. It is so damn unnatural and I always think of those blissful bubbas in africa with no cars and just their mumma & a sling.

[Fleur]

I never took it literally, either! I took it more as babies aren't left to cry themselves to quietness and weren't expected to self-soothe, made to wait 3 hours to be fed etc.

Agreed. All babies cry, it's how they communicate their needs.

I can see though, how that article might give false expectations of a perfectly happy baby who never cries for no reason... and some babies are more disposed to crying than others. So if you've done everything 'right' (and TBH, probably half killed yourself in the process given all the conflicting advice out there) what is left to do when your baby still cries?

[Lolpigs]

Oh tresillian dont support CIO if bubs starts to get upset you are to gO in immediately and calm,

[RhiChiChi]

I think the power of a mothers intuition is highly underrated. I agree with Fleur - all babies cry, some cry more than others for whatever reason and ya know like some of the OP said, some won't stop crying no matter what you do.

forshelby, ((hugs)) she sounds like a right *beep* (can't post those words)