Can I bag out other sites??

[{sarah}]

Ren I totally agree with you, for me it feels like I can't comfort my baby properly without being able to look into their eyes. I personally would be far more stressed if I was upset & overtired and the person trying to calm me down wouldn't look me in the eye, so I don't see the difference for a bay.

[meow]

The eye contact thing is just one example from a long list of stuff they advise. It's so clinical and it upsets me... it's also mostly just twaddle and not research or instinst based parenting. I can't believe this stuff keeps getting advocated.

[*Efjay*]

the no eye contact thins I have used in the past, not so much when they need to be settled but when they are calm but just not going to sleep. I will often look away or I look towards them with my eyes closed, in my head this shows them, look nothing to stay awake for Mummy is asleep too LOL. but the rest is just crap to me.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

OT but The lady that runs my Mothers Group at the moment was a Tweedle worker and im sick to death of hearing what she advises. I can't believe they even take newborns at places like that. Its horrible.

[BellyBelly]

Yep sadly so many people running groups like this and MCHN only know and advocate such sleeping methods. Hey you'll have to email me her details so I can send some of my post natal support workshop flyers to her, Pinky will be there as well as lots of other gentle parenting people - hopefully she'll come along!!!

[~Raven~]

I could never do that to my babies. They are a precious gift that are only small for a tiny amount of time. I don't care if I have no sleep. They deserve to be cuddled and spoiled.

[StrawberryMumma]

Ren, I'm def with you on this one. I think that sort of information is a HORRIBLE. Eye contact has such an important part to play in bonding with your baby, and in those early days develping those strong bonds are just so important. I mean, you didn't get to know and bond with your husband by not looking into his eyes, did you??

I feel so sad to think of all the mums that follow that kind of advice , and miss out on all that special time watching their little one's beautiful facial expressions as they snuggle into you. To miss that would be devastating IMO, I don't care if it makes a "good" sleeper. I want to enjoy my babies, every moment is so precious.

[BellyBelly]

I think it's really sad too. I mean, at night when you snuggle up to your partner and try to connect at night, how much would it be upsetting if they wouldn't give you eye contact? Just didn't look at you... no matter what you did.

I think connection is a big part of gentle parenting and it really gets that oxytocin flowing for both mother and child.

[Cricket]

True, Kelly. (re: the connection eye-contact gives)
I wonder if, for newborns, when they are taking soooooo much in because the world is all new to them, that when they are tired, the eye-contact might be too much. I would definitely go with snuggling and body contact, and nursing to sleep at times - all wonderful ways to connect and relax and wind down.
And, honestly, if you want eye-contact with your baby in the evening, by all means, go for it! I don't think it will do any harm, and I'm certainly not opposed to it! I just think that there might be some valid reasons for suggesting that parents avoid it with a tired newborn.

[sushee]

No eye contact? I don't know how not to look at someone when I feel love and affection towards them. I wonder who decided that eye contact was stimulating, because I personally find eye contact with someone to be calming, being indicative that they're being attentive and responsive, and were focussed on my needs, and I would instinctively behave the same way towards my child.

Newborns dont always focus on you, but as they grow, they eventually do connect through their eyes to your eyes, and I don't want to miss a minute of that. I can understand how it might work though, because theoretically, if you don't respond to a baby through eye contact, then the baby learns not to look for responsiveness from you. That's the trade off, I expect.

[suse]

I think it comes back to the issue of dictating what must be done rather than giving suggestions and explaining why a certain technique may work for some babies. I mean, come on, holding is for feeding, floor is for play, cot is for sleep - what a load of prescriptive nonsense!

We have to do a 'no eye contact' thing with E, otherwise he just won't go to sleep - he'd play all night. But I'm not very good at it LOL. He is nearly five months old though, and doesn't get distressed at all by the lack of eye contact, in fact, he seems to prefer it at sleep time. When we wrap him up for sleep, my DP and I lie on either side of him on the bed, but with our heads higher up the bed than his so he's not in our direct line of sight. He'll turn his head up at us and grin, and I can't help smiling back at him. After a minute of us grinning inanely at each other I'll give him a kiss, tell him that it's sleep-time and lie there with him with my eyes shut until one of us falls asleep. (Usually me first!)

But this is what is working for us at the moment based on our instinct and what E wants - we've also carried, rocked and fed him to sleep depending on what works best at the time.

[Ginger]

it's scarey how much of this 'bulls&&t' is actually out there and parents are doing it. it does make me quite upset sometimes when i hear and see some of the stuff that goes on....