Challenging behaviour in a 12 month old - vent

[sunshine_sieben]

Hello girls,
Can I pick your brains?
I have a headstrong 12 month old girl. I really do love her to bits and for the most time, she's a really good girl. She's always been very determined (you could call it pig-headed) which I think is one of the reasons she crawled at 5 months and walked at 9.
But this same determination can also be so challenging for me. I do admire it, but I don't like it when it is aimed at me IYKWIM.

Of course I can't expect a 1 year old to have patience. But it is so frustrating when she just screams until she gets something. In the afternoons she gets a bottle of milk (apart from that, she is BFed). She really likes it and when she sees it, she wants it. But I have to heat it, put the lid on etc. And she just screams non stop until she has it in her hands. It's not an upset scream, more like an angry scream. No tears.
And then sometimes she just wants to be carried and if I even put her down for 2 seconds (when I need 2 hands to for example pull the rubbish bag out of the bin). Then she just sreams....
Or when I have to change a poopy nappy. She hates it. Sometimes I can distract her enough, but other times she just screams and tries to get up and put her hands in the poo,...
And when we feed her, she has a new habit of trying to climb out of her high chair. She loves her food, but loves climbing more. She's so strong,... it can send me up the wall. The pulling food out of her mouth and playing with it or throwing it on the ground, I can deal with that. It's the climbing, that gets to me.

As I said. mostly she's a good girl. But I don't want her to think that this behaviour is acceptable. She's too young to reason with, so I don't quite know what to do. Any ideas?

I know that she's at the height of separation anxiety, and that's why she wants to be held. But I have to be able to put her down for a few seconds every now and then. I know that sitting still is boring for her, so I try to give her a spoon or a lid or something to play with when feeding her, but sometimes nothing works.

Sasa

[Janie]

Sasa, I have no answers, but sympathy! I thought mine was the only challenging, headstrong kid I look at these other, seemingly compliant, children and wonder what I did wrong LOL. Don't get me wrong, DS is a lovely kid, but he lets his feelings be known loud and clear ALL DAY LONG! Well, it feels that way anyhow

Hope you can figure out some strategies soon. Actually, I'm currently reading Pinky McKay's book, 'Toddler Tactics', and it is excellent. I've picked up a few really good tips that have worked well. Try and get your hands on a copy if you can, it's great.

[sunshine_sieben]

Thanks, Janie. I actually have Toddler Tactics. But I haven't gotten to it yet. Still reading "The Science of Parenting" which really like, too. it makes you realise that it's not something you did wrong, it's normal child behaviour. And it also gives you lots of tips on how to deal with tantrums and such. but I feel DD is still a little too young to get those methods. It's so hard when they're sort of stuck between baby and toddler...
Sasa

[Hills Mum]

My little girl has just turned one and is also crying whenver I put her down, mostly just after a nappy change cause she knows that I have to leave her sight to wash my hands! I'm still looking for a solution to that one....but if I need the loo (as you do!) I find that I can usually enlist the help of my 4 yr old to "entertain" her while I go. Showers are out of the question until my hubby gets home from work, unless I try washing one-handed (very tricky to wash hair!).
On the subject of your girl's strong will - my sister always had amazing tantrums when we were growing up and never did anything she didn't want to do...she is now a National HR manager and still never does what she doesn't want to! I guess what I'm trying to say is that a strong willed child is a blessing in a lot of ways - she will never be talked into anything she isn't sure of. Light at the end of the tunnel?
Best wishes in finding what is right for you and yours while you go through this 'stage'...it will pass, I promise!!

[meegm]

Sounds just like my 12 month old son HA ! exaclty

[Visitor7]

I know exactly what you're going through, that was my DD down to a tee at that age. Thing only thing I can suggest is for you to try and include her as much as you can when you're doing things.
So when you're getting her bottle ready, have her 'help' you. That way the distraction of her helping you make it up will hopefully stop the tears of wanting it NOW.
When you need to put her down, before she starts chucking a tantrum, let her know why you're putting her down, and get her to help with what you're doing. So for eg, if you're taking out the rubbish, cleaning, etc, let her do something. I used to get my DD to carry the rubbish out with me. Or if I wanted to do some cleaning, I'd give her a cloth and she'd help me clean.
I know it's very tiring and demanding having a child like this, but it does get easier. I found once I started involving my DD more, things got easier. And now, she's a piece of cake. She's forever helping me clean or cook.
Good luck.