She's still like this. About 6 months ago I lost the plot at DS because I'd asked him to clean his room about 10 times. And he kept fiddling around.
She pulled me over in the hallway after a bit of a yell and goes to me.
DD: do you know how I used to be like DS and couldn't clean my room.
Me: Yes. (Still huffy)
DD: well yelling only makes is stressed and doesn't make it easier. He's probably overwhelmed because he thinks he has to do it all at once. Maybe if you show him to do one bit at a time like you did with me he won't get so stressed. And remember I didn't get it quickly. It took me ages.
My first thought. Way to make me feel crap kid. But she was right. And so I listened. And I won't lie. I'm not 100% patient 100% of the time. I'm learning every day to be a mum just as they are learning life skills. But whenever I start to get frustrated the conversation comes to mind.
It's funny she has now moved on to try and teach me about being so stressed and hard on myself for losing my temper.
And the other thing she is struggling with is how adults speak to kids. In what she calls "the mum voice". Apparently I don't do that which is why she thinks a lot of her friends don't talk to their parents but she talks to me.
What's lovely is others are able to have great D&M's with her. Seeing Lulu's post made me tear up a little as she developed a pretty special relationship with her before she passed. And now Aunty Sushee is doing the same. I swear I want to loan her out so people don't think I'm full of crap. LOL.
maybe she can teach my 4.5yr old DD1 that concept. Shouting or no shouting i still get the same response from her. Attitude, attitude aaaand more attitude, just for good measure :banghead:
All I've done is given her a platform. A voice. I think most kids feel the same way they are just unsure how to voice it. I can remember having inner dialogues like this as a child but being too scared to voice it for fear of backlash or just feeling like if I said anything I'd be accused of being disrespectful.
But in doing that it also made me responsible for my actions. So you have to be pretty thick skinned too. To be able to handle the fact you are told when you do something they don't like. We have the rule that if they do it respectfully its ok. But I'm also as forgiving of their emotional outbursts as they are of mine.
And I know there will be a lot of people who will be reading this and think I'm talking out my butt or I'm gloating again but let me tell you I'm not perfect. Not at all. But communication and emotional awareness is a huge part of who I am so it's a huge part of my parenting style. And only now as I watch my DD blossom into a teenager am I really seeing the impact it has had on her and how important it is. And like I said. I'm not perfect, my kids probably watch too much tv. I probably don't "play" with them enough. We don't take part in group sports and you won't find quinoa in my cupboard. But this is something I'm passionate about. And everyone has a passion. Doesn't make me perfect. Ok? I'm not. This stuff is important to me. And therefore it's important to my kids.
Wow, what a daughter you have Rouge! She sounds incredible, and so are you and your DH for raising her that way.
I'll be showing this to DH when I get home. DD is only just two and at the pushing boundaries stage. If we ask her not to empty her pencil case on to the floor she'll give a cheeky grin and do it faster (:lol). My response is to get on the floor with her and explain why we need to keep her pencils and crayons on the table or in the pencil case, and she gets down and helps me clean up. DH s response is to get annoyed and say in a rough voice "DD! I told you not to do that, why don't you listen?" Guess who's response works better? I think with him it's a patience thing, he's still learning
Yep Teeki it is harder for some dads to grasp. DH will openly admit he is still learning. But I always have patience with him because this is my world 90% of the time. And I'm surrounded by mothers and BellyBelly. I have a lot of support but he doesn't. He has work 70% of the time and he has me to impart new ways etc but that's it. So I think it takes them a little longer to grasp. But they get there
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