do you sometimes find gentle parenting disheartening?

[~Raven~]

I sometimes wonder if there are any gentle parents who have good sleepers?? Or is that the price we have to pay for parenting this way?? Then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing bc I have failed at teaching DD how to sleep! But the alternative is CC I guess and I'm not doing that to my precious girl!

OK without sounding condescending becasue I promise I'm not boasting, I have had 3 pretty good sleepers and I gentle parent, so that kind of debunks that theory. I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

[Curly]

I think you either have good sleepers or you don't in most cases.

The one of mine that wasn't (that would be the 3yo from and about 9 months of age) I have spat it and left him to cio and it didn't work and only made it worse. He is a needy and clingy child anyway and leaving him to cio made him moreso.

Leaving them to cio was what I expected was the done thing due to the way I was raised so I totally get the pressure from the rellos. I didn't like it and it didn't help us achieve a full nights sleep.

:yeahthat:

I can vouch for that. DS was a horrible horrible sleeper and DD is amazing. Only problem with that was DS was my first so I constantly questioned myself, my methods, what I was doing wrong. I was in tears over it.

DH and I were so used to rocking a baby off to sleep and a baby that woke constantly, never slept for long stretches etc that we didn't quite know what to do with DD, who settled beautifully, slept through from 3 months of age, and actually prefers to be put in her cot and go to sleep on her own (she screams and fights being cuddled off to sleep).

We have not approached her any differently - she's just a different personality entirely. Right now we are still marvelling at how she eats whatever she's given, even FRUIT and will try anything new, unlike Mr Picky.

It's only now I'm realising how needy and atypical DS was - he was far from textbook, but I could not be more glad that we gentle-parented him. A strict and unbending approach would not have made any difference and even now the same is true. Hindsight is 20-20 and looking back, I know we did it the right way with him.

I promise it pays off.

[Kailani]

Absolutely! I am always disheartened and as a result questioning whether I am doing the right thing or if I'm setting him up for bad habits. People are always telling me that I'm "spoiling" him by cosleeping, feeding on demand, picking him up when he cries (which to me indicates that he wants a cuddle, not that he is demanding!)

I dunno...but I can admit that L is really clingy, whingy and a horrible sleeper, but I just think that is him and he'd be like that no matter what method I used (well I keep telling myself that anyway ) He is just a cranky baby! Lets pray for blissful teenage years!

[tippytoes]

Big hun. I am not there yet cause DS is a bit young, but I can understand everything you have written. Rach xx

[Inanna]

Oh Olive big big big cuddles my love.

Like Raven I've had 3 good sleepers - my first screamed before her body was out (it was so bizarre!) & I rocked and patted & fed & drove & cried & put her in the cot& ran down the back yard as I thought I would go insane if I had to hear her scream any more... I couldnmt shower or wee or do anything without screaming or her attatched to me. Until she was at least 2 but it did continue for longer.

I gentle parented and I gentle parent (I have in moments of fear or frustraion smacked but not as a general tool) still. Three slept like they were on sleeping tablets! Immy is a shocking sleeper, but not as bad as Ruby. Having said that Immy will sleep in sometimes something Ruby would never do... So if Immy has arough night she often doesn't wake up until late which gives me a break.

It really is tough darling & there is no solution other than to put a foot in front of the other... Make sure if you can to get some respite - I do know how wearing it is...

Is it worth it? Well only you can decide that one. For me it's the best way for me and mine..

[fionas]

I am very lucky that DD is a fabbo sleeper (though I do like to claim some credit for it ) ... interesting enough Ianna, DD was crying before she was out of me too - it really was VERY bizarre, DP still talks about it.

I have my gentle parenting frustrations with other things though, mostly discipline. I am often at a bit of a loss because it doesn't matter how consistent I am, DD often does her own thing and takes absolutely no notice of me. She is just a very, very determined little girl who has no fear. I have had strangers come up to me at the park and tell me, "wow, I thought mine was a daredevil but yours is one out of the box."

I just think kids are different - I see this from my Mothers Group - and what works on one may not work on another. I can't see that the mums at MG are doing anything different to what I'm doing it's just that their kids are more placid and do what they're told. They will come and sit with their mum after playing for 15 minutes whereas DD keeps going for 2 hours non-stop and will then kick and scream when we finally leave. On my bad days, it gets to me. But I'm lucky that DP has already brought up a child and he assures me that it's not my imagination and that DD IS full-on. Part of the reason that we're considering a tree change so we can have a massive backyard and she can run off more energy .

[onthefly]

I don't find it disheartening, cause I can see it's workign for us. It's not working in that "all-important metric" sleeping, but in the person my son is becoming and the relationship we share.

I think it's natural to doubt ourselves as parents, though, so I do understand wondering if maybe, if I did something differently, would it be better? I do remember considering, in desperation, whether I should leave him to cry (or perhaps, whether I had the strength to go to him once again). It really felt so wrong though, no matter my sheer exhaustion I just couldn't do it.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

No, I don't. DS's sleeping troubles were mostly down to pain, and if he wakes now it's illness or temperature. He knew night from day pretty much from birth and slept at night, waking for feeds (or comforting from pain).

I find parenting the way I want to enjoyable. Not easy. But I have no guilt or worries, I'm doing what's right for us. I like to babywear, to comfort an upset child, to talk things through, to play, to laugh, to do chores together, to cuddle up at night, to be woken up with a kiss and "I love you Mammy, I love you very much" (even if he spent all night in his bed, he comes through for a cuddle first thing).

DS isn't perfect, far from it. But he told Mum about his exciting day last night: "I saw *cousin*. I like *cousin*. We played together. We played in my house. *Cousin* liked my trains too." How nice! He sees this little boy twice a year, and loves to share his new toys and his favourite toys.

His idea of an argument is "I love Daddy." If I say that I love Daddy too, he gets cross. "No, Mammy, I love Daddy. I love DADDY. I LOVE DADDY. You no love Daddy; I love Daddy. You cross now." I'm not cross, I just shouted back that I love Daddy, volume equating to amount of love to DS for some reason.

When Mum tries to force DS to do something he doesn't want to do, he tries to sit her down. When he finally gets her sat down, he explains to her what's going on. "I no a big boy. I a little baby. I want to be little baby. A little baby who wears nappies." (Mum has this idea he should be toilet trained by now... DS doesn't!) How much nicer than having a tantrum or being bullied! (I'm so glad I don't trantrum, don't reward tantrums and do listen to DS!)

[boomba]

Oh huh I really know what you mean!

I remember thinking mybe I should cio etc cause DS1 wouldnt sleep...but after all my hard work he began sleeping through and in his own bed...I am so glad I trusted my insctincts and stayed a gentle parent.

Your doing a great job xx

[krysalyss]

I think of parenting as a long-term project. LOL. Gentle parenting might not always pay the short-term benefits (e.g. they stop whatever 'naughty' thing they are doing the first time you ask because otherwise they get a smack) but it WILL pay the long-term benefits. They will grow into secure, loving, respectful, confident people. That is what we want from DS even if he is very strong-willed right now!

[*charmalea*]

good point bath , the term "respectful parenting " fits much better with me childeren are humans too , they need respect just as much as us adults .

[Olive]

well im having a bad week and im feeling disheartened again with gentle parenting but i know it will pay off, jsut doesnt feel that way today. just needed to vent