I remembr feeling the same way when DD was younger. I also found that my parenting towards my eldest was not at it's best at that time too. It's hard to have the energy to be your best when you're constantly juggling competing needs, but you will find things that work for the three of you. It does get easier as bubs gets older & sleeps better & the older one adapts to the new status quo. I found going to the park or a playground good- baby would sleep in the pram while toddler enjoys running around. You can join in with toddler & use the time to play one on one of you can take a coffee and sit din & relax.

Would finding a differenT sleep arrangement help? Maybe you could try mixing up the routine & see if you can find dome other way he is happy to sleep? (hammck, swing, pram, fee to sleep in bed, etc)

I resorted to the tv sometmes too to keep toddler quiet & amused while I got bubs to sleep. Computer games and leap frog readers are a hit here and less passive than tv if you're looking for something different.

I second easing off with disciplining, and spending as much time possible. Get her involved in cooking dinner & house chores if you're finding it difficult to fit everything into the day. Behaviour improves ought of sight when I spend one on one time so I try to work it in every way I can. Special activities like baking together or watering the plants together or doing a grocery shop together are all winners.

Best of luck. It really does get easier when the younger one gets older and the older one starts playing with them & enjoying their company.