Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: help! my baby wants me and only me....all the time!!!!!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    in gorgeous rural victoria<
    Posts
    367

    Default help! my baby wants me and only me....all the time!!!!!

    excuse my typing, its one handed as i hold my dd

    quick back ground. dd is 7 months, today actually. has a 23mth old brother who is great with her. im a sahm most of the time, we own 2 small businesses, dd is breastfed on demand anytime, day/night and co sleeps coz im tired and that way we all get sleep.



    but its starting to drive me mad. come night time once dh is home to help, she seems more clingy. only wants to be with me. if dhtakes her so i can have a seconds rest she wants me. only sleeps on me or in my arms. mostly while standing. i would just like to sit down and rest, or do the much needed housework. or something for my new business. or just for me.

    i want to do it gently, but im at my wits end.
    waiting to poas too, which i think will be a bfp, as i feel exhausted. more than usual.
    tia
    x madame x

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,737

    Default help! my baby wants me and only me....all the time!!!!!

    It's tough when they are like that, dd2 was the same, she only wanted me she got grumpy whenever anyone else held her or if I went out without her in between breastfeeds. All I can suggest is keep persisting eventually she will learn to that spending time with daddy is special.

    Another thing you could try is putting her in a rocker or swing where she can see you or a jolly jumper if she can see you but be occupied by something it may help.

    I hope that your bring tired is just because you are run down, although I fell pregnant again when dd2 was 9 mths.

  3. #3

    Default

    Sounds to me like you have a certified velcro baby! I have one of those, although she is not as bad as she was. I found tummy time helped a whole lot. She is a lot better now because she wants to explore and look around and play with things she shouldnt, but still refuses to be unable to get to me, even if she doesnt actually want me. We have a baby gate across the kitchen and all hell breaks loose if I am on the other side of it to her. Give her some opportunities to be on her tummy but with mum in sight.

    Also to get her more used to spending time with daddy we would have squishy 3 people cuddles with her in both our arms. Or sit her on the lounge between us so there is contact with us both. Velcro bubs can be wonderful for your self esteem, but can take time to cut the invisible umbilical cord they are holding onto. Be patient with her and take it slow so she still feels safe even though she is not on your lap. All she wants is to feel safe with her mummy.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Sunny Qld
    Posts
    14,683

    Default

    Have you got a carrier honey? I find when Eden is getting super clingy (usually from 4pm onwards until daddy is home) I have to put her in the carrier on my back, so I can still play with the other kids, do the housework, get dinner ready etc...

    Its my lifesaver.. really..

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    11,633

    Default

    They go through these phases - it's really hard At that age it's likely to be separation anxiety too. I second the carrier idea.
    Rather than trying to pry her off you (though I totally understand your need for space) you may find the phase passes sooner if you keep her close. That way she gets the reassurance she needs.
    DS was like this at that age. And again from 18-22 months (or thereabouts).
    Is she crawling or moving at all? You may find it gets better once she is, too.
    Hang in there

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Glenroy
    Posts
    1,458

    Default

    Jordy was like this too. I remember how frustrating it was, but in the end I just had loverboy do anything that took 2 hands, particularly dinner things (I'm not organised enough to pre-prepare).
    I could sometimes put his highchair at it's highest level and roll it over next to me so he could stay close, maybe put a ricecake or a bath toy on the table...
    It didn't really change once he started walking. I mean, I didn't need to carry him as much, but he did need to be near me at all times. I just learned to walk slowly so he could keep up and not think I was trying to get away from him, or I'd say "come on, we're going in here now". Even now (he's 2 1/2) he will pretty much always be where I am, even if it's playing on the floor nearby while I cook dinner or playing in the empty bath with his toys while I take a shower.
    I did insist on him sleeping in his bed, though.
    Is there a reason you can't sit with her? That's no good for you and she may just have to get used to it. Some things are non negotiable for your own sanity's and/or health's sake.
    I studied intro to psych last term and we were told that if you don't fight it and find ways to work around it instead it can lead to healthy attachment, if that helps.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Out North, Vic
    Posts
    8,538

    Default

    Ohh will be watching with interest, was about to start a thread of my own on this... DD2 is 6mths and is VERY clingy, if someone else takes her (incl DP) she cries of screams, if i leave a room and she notices or sees me she screams.. MCHN said it's seperation anxiety but she has been like this for MONTHS.
    She is fed to sleep at night, is FINALLY back to going to sleep on her own during the day or in the middle of the night but otherwise she is basically held or i am sitting with her or beside her during awake times.

    Some of the things i have tried:
    * Getting DD1 to interact with her more (although she does A LOT)
    * Letting her cry (just a little) when i leave the room and getting DD1 to try and distract her - this hasn't been working though.
    * She's sitting now and i have found she likes BOOKS so i sit her with a book and walk away.
    * Put her in the holly jumper so she can see me
    * Use my baby carrier when she's being a right PITA
    * When she is happy i have told DP he needs to interact with her more rather than letting me deal with her while he deals with DD1, i want her to know he is 'safe' and although he doesn't have boobs he's just as good with her..

    Will watch what others suggest, i need some ME TIME aswell before i rip all my hair out.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    in gorgeous rural victoria<
    Posts
    367

    Default

    thanks ladies,
    yes she is crawling, pulling up to stand at things too. has cut her first tooth last month too...
    I have an ergo mel, havent tried her on the back yet........
    thanks ladies, lots of ideas to try too
    x

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Sunny Qld
    Posts
    14,683

    Default

    OOh then definitely try her in the ergo on your back mate, could be the answer to everything.

    Or I could easily recommend some other carriers.. bahahahaaha

    love ya xoxo

  10. #10

    Default

    It's hard when they are velcro babies..... I know what that's like although they go through stages and are not so clingy at times which can give you a break a bit....

    Ergo's rock!!!! they are wonderful for babies of that age too as they aren't too heavy yet!

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    in gorgeous rural victoria<
    Posts
    367

    Default

    really mel?
    i didnt think you had many carriers.....wink wink
    x

  12. #12

    Talking Mine too!

    Hi!

    My daughter is now 21 months, and she is also a certified velcro baby!
    I can also attest that:

    Baby carriers (esp the beloved Ergo!!) are LIFESAVERS!!
    It gets easier as they get older, although it does come and go (my girl is especially clingy at times of her development or discomfort like teething, or changes in our life like my partner being away)
    The anxiety just gets worse and worse if you try to pry them loose! The more I go with it and actively cuddle, love and play with her when she needs it the better able she is to be independent and to attach to my partner and other close people as time goes on.
    Velcro babies are generally really sensitive little souls, and have LOTS to offer in return for all that input! Reading 'Nighttime Parenting' or other Sears books onattachment parenting may help you put your mind at ease - he describes them as 'high needs' babies, and explains what is going on for your baby.

    I totally understand where you are at! Hang in there, though, it does get easier as time passes. My showers for the first year or so were punctuated with my partner saying, "Are you almost finished?!?! How much LONGER?!?!" in increasingly desperate tones as she demanded my return - the return of Booby Person!!

    You sound like you are doing a great job!!
    :-) :-)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •