Not sure if im posting this in the right place,but i really dont want the whole "leave bubs to cry" advice...
so im getting a little frustrated(and feeling bad for feeling like this) i have a two week old girl who is beautiful but basically wont sleep anywhere but in my arms, i put her down in her bassinet(which we have beside our bed) and she wakes up literally 5 mins later. Also the only way she falls asleep is on my breast... she wont even be drinking,will suck for a tiny bit then go to sleep,but then wake up if i try to take her off... also i read you shouldnt give a dummy untill they are at least 4 weeks old as it can interfere with feeding,and we really want to avoid using one if possible...so is this normal? any advice would be muchly appreciated!
Also we have 'given in' and now co-sleep as she is so cuddly which my partner is happy with and she dosnt wake up as often but im finding i sleep so contorted as i have to keep the pillow away from her...
The first couple of weeks can be so hard. It's very normal at this early age for your bub to want to sleep on you, you are warm and snug and you smell like mum .
I used a dummy for both my boys from a few days of age and it did not affect their breastfeeding in any way. The dummy really was a godsend! You could give it a try if you really wanted to and just keep an eye out for any problems.
If you need a break from having your bub in your arms or bed constantly, I recommend trying out a baby hammock (Google Amby baby hammock if you want to see what I'm talking about). I used one for DS1 who would only sleep in my arms before we bought it. He loved being in it, it makes them feel snug like they were in your womb and it moves when they do so can help them settle. You can bounce/swing them in it to help them settle too. You can hire them from Hire For Baby (and probably other places) if you wanted to try one out.
You sound like you are doing a wonderful job meeting your DD's needs and I promise you it will get easier very soon .
firstly - congrats on your baby girl! you sound like a wonderful loving mother who is meeting all her baby's needs well done! youre doing a great job, so hang in there - it does get easier!
have you got a sling? my babies loved sleeping in their sling and it allows you to do other things while they sleep!
also dont worry too much if the only way she goes to sleep is on the breast - DD1 fed to sleep till she was weaned at 14mths and she is a great sleeper now, and puts herself to sleep happily. do what works for the two of you!
all the best darl
I also think the hamock is a great idea. or a smooth rocker movement helps alot.
I have never heard not to give a dummy tho. i booby fed all 3 boys and all 3 had no issues with feeding. but i would def be taking bub off your boob as soon as her sucking stops, Sebi one of my twins would always sleep while feeding when he was a NB so he would scream and want to be held all day cause he could smell me. so i was told to make sure when he was on the boob that he did actually drink and not use me as a dummy. i think it helped.
I also agree with music clasical it plays in the kids rooms 24/7.
also maybe instead of rocking you could lay her down where you want her to sleep, face her away from you and pat stroke get close to her so she feels you but your not holding her, and every day move away slowly. when she cries do it again. i did this for ds1 as i found for him control cry didn't work. i have also done it from birth with the twins and they seem to self settle most nights so i think it works.
Have you tried putting a piece of worn clothing in with her. Sometimes its the smell of you she misses. My DD hated the dummy and i tried everything to get her to take one as she was using my breast as a soother. MAybe try using your finger until she is laying down then slowly removeing it.
Are you using music?? I found the mobile would excite DD but music from a lullaby CD really soothed her. I also elevated the mattress a little cos when i held her she was more upright.
Once DD learned to self settle she was great. Does she feed to sleep or do you rock her or something??? Motion can be good cos they dont realise your moving round when your putting them down but the sudden stoping can also wake them up. i liked patting or rubbing to sleep this way you can slowly stop and they are already laying down.
My DS would only sleep in my arms for the first few weeks too. I ended up deciding I could manage this in the daytime but at night I really wanted him to sleep by himself. So I introduced a pre-bedtime routine that included a feed and relaxation bath (it's best if the bath is deep like in the laundry trough - this also helps bring up any wind) and this worked a treat. Once he had his bath I'd put him in his sleeping bag (he hated being wrapped) take him in the room, give him a big cuddle and lay him down. If he cried I'd go in and pat him and that seemed to work. If the pat didn't work I'd give him a cuddle and lay him down again.
I was also against using the dummy but I found that DS wanted to suck so I gave it to him at 3 days old. It really helped.
I've heard the hammock works really well for helping bubs settle. If I ever decide to have a second bub I'll be using one!
You sound like a very sensitive mum that is tending to her bub's needs so well. Make sure you take care of yourself in these early days too
sorry - forgot to add that I bought a CD of ocean sounds and put it on repeat overnight. this helped him to settle when he would wake up during the night. i still use it and it works well to drown out the household noises too.
thank you all for the advice and kind words, i think im just getting used to it all and im trying my best thats why i feel so bad for getting frustrated, especially when she gives me a cute gummy look.
i can so see myself giving in to the dummy, i just dont want her missing out on any milk either...
i will definately try out some of the advice
Good on you, jords! You are doing such a great job with your little one.
The first weeks are so very tough.
Firstly, you are the mummy and you know best. If you are stressed about trying out a dummy, just don't do it. It is totally up to you.
A sling is a wonderful idea, as this will mean you can move around and do what you need to do and bubs will still get to be close to you.
You may well find that after a couple of weeks she is more settled and happier to sleep on her own. I remember a midwife telling me that in the first little while babies can be a bit 'angry with the world' and they need extra comfort and can be extra unsettled. As she works out how to deal with this new place she may well settle down without you necessarily doing anything about it.
I suppose I just want to reassure you that you are doing great, she is your bub and you and she will get to know each other better over the next few weeks, and you should do only what you feel comfortable doing.
Take care, matey.
Hi Jords hun. First of all, a huge congratulations on the birth of your DD! You sound like a fantastic mother already!
My DD never slept! Ever! She was a perpetual cat napper from day 1 (sleeping only 30 mins - an hour at most for each nap) and we could never put her down. Not to fall asleep, not once she was alseep. Any time we tried to put her down asleep she would just wake up.
So trust me, I fully understand the frustration you are feeling right now. And please don't beat yourself up over it.
My DD never had a dummy, but she also fell asleep at the breast. Because I was ok with co-sleeping (me and her in a queen size bed, hubby in the main bed), I would put her down to sleep in that to start the night. I would lie down and let her feed to sleep (chest to chest), and when she was asleep her 'grip' on my nipple would slacken and I could just remove my boob from her mouth. The it was tip-toe central to get out of the room quietly.
This worked really well as there was no moving of her once she was asleep.
One thing you might want to look into, and it saved my life during the day, is a sling of some sort. I can't recommend the hug-a-bub enough. It was the absolute best!! It made DD feel very safe and secure, kept her nice and tight against me, and allowed me to get on with my day while she was happy. I'd hang up washing, do the dishes, vacuum the floor, (sit on the computer lol) - all with her in the hug-a-bug. She fell asleep on her own in there, or if she was awake, she was still being held so was happy.
She actually slept 10 times better in the hug-a-bub than anywhere else. She'd sleep 2 - 4 hours in that!
One thing you can try, which I did for quite a while, is taking the top you are currently wearing off when you put her to bed. Lie the top on the mattress, place DD on your top. Make sure it's stretched and and preferably tucked around the sides so it can't scrunch up around her. This gives her the smell of you and might help her stay settled. A used (milk smelling) breastpad also works.
Another option might be a swing? The rocking motion helps put bubs and keep bubs asleep. That said, my DD wasn't into the swing at all...
If you ever need to chat, we're all here. One thing I learned when I was going through the exact same stages (and I won't scare you with how long my DD didn't sleep for was LOL), is that there are a lot of people who have or are going through the same thing on here. Hang in there, it does get easier, and you are doing a fantastic job!
thank you SO much for the great advice, i guess just hearing kind words and knowing most mums go through the same things makes all the difference. gave her a dummy this morning and she spat it on the floor,so that solved that! i got given a jazsling the other day so i think ill start using that too... as for the bassinet issue... i think ive given in completely and have accepted co-sleeping, she's so darn cuddly! being able to feed her and not have to get up makes a big diffference as well with the lack of sleep issue. Thanks again to everyone who answered my cry for help
Glad you are feeling better, and no wonder with such brilliant advice!
The only think I can add is to make sure you don't beat yourself up about baby wanting you all the time. Its tiring as hell, but its really the way its supposed to be in the early weeks.
In some cultures a new mother will take to bed for 30 (I think) days after birth. She doesn't get out to bed except to bathe and is brought plenty of nutritious meals by her family. Birth is entirely respected and the mother is given proper support to recuperate and build a bond with her child.
When DS was 3 weeks old, I thought I would go around the bend with lack of sleep, but my MCHN told me about these women, I thought "I'll have some of that too thanks" and promptly headed back to bed for a few weeks.
I did exactly the same with #3, and I recommend it to everyone.
Help Please!
Reply With Quote
The first couple of weeks can be so hard. It's very normal at this early age for your bub to want to sleep on you, you are warm and snug and you smell like mum 
.
You sound like a fantastic mother already!
Bookmarks