How do you deal with other ppls parenting?

[Rahjah]

Thanks for your replies everyone - I really feel much better reading them! Sorry there are way too many good points here to respond to them all!

Lucy I like your approach. I probably need to find a language that would suit me I suppose and just go with it. I was talking to my sister about how she deals with it. She commented that her friend would say something sweet and lovely and offer to help or something - but because she is sweet and lovely it would be taken appropriately! LOL. My sis thought if SHE tried that it would sound false and ppl would know she's actually anxious about it. So I guess we've all gotta find the way to address (or not) these things in a way that matches our personality.

Bathsheba YES! It does feel great to vent . As for your 'gun' incident, I would hate that too! I don't mind Becci's approach that "our house has rules". I've had so many times where I've been pulling other people's kids off our stuff or out of our bedrooms - I'm not telling them off generally as much as saying "no, this is not what happens in this house". Maybe that would work too "we don't have guns in this house" as oppose to "You should not play guns".

Purplemamma I'm sure it was obvious I was struggling, or they wouldn't have said "Oh you're just a first time mum". I don't know what I looked like, I certainly hadn't said anything so I don't know that I was hiding anything at all, LOL. But they do know what side of the fence I sit on re this stuff so to speak!

Snowy Love it's almost like we need to buy mass coppies of the Science of Parenting and stand outside Maternity wards handing them out FOR FREE to get the message out there!

Anyhow, my DS is starting to sound like a horse LOL which means he's tired so I'm off!

[Liz]

There's always the back-handed compliment Tell them how strong they are resisting those cries, coz you could never do it.. it seems too cruel. LOL.

[Rahjah]

haha LOL

[Rahjah]

Actually...I don't mind that idea except that it would make me seem "weaker" rather than informed and making a choice about how I parent. I think that's the bit they don't get. I don't 'pander' to my child...I go to him because it is instinctual and not out of some pop routine parenting book. I also go to him because I know that research tells us (as if we needed it to know) that babies need responsive parents for their healthy mental development.

Oh gosh. I could rant about this all day I'm so opinionated about my parenting

[Becci]

Lol aren't we all Rahjah!!!

[Zee]

Like it or lump it. No-one runs a muck in our house. In our house we do not point a gun (no matter how it's formed) at other peoples faces. This may offend some visitors but it is our house and we also have a parenting style that needs to be respected. I'm probably sounding quite tough here but I do say things tacktfully.

Ditto!!!

Bath- I would have said something, I dont mind kids being kids but there are times when they need to be pulled up cause they are just going to over the top or disrespecting me/the items in my house.

Deff no guns in this house either... I would hate for DD to pick that up.

[Snacks]

OMG, Rah, I would have been livid if someone said to me 'you're just a first-time parent'! Good heavens, they must be insecure. I would have found that dinner incredibly difficult too, and I don't blame you for being reluctant to have that experience again in a hurry - I would be the same.
There was a time we went over to DH's best mate's place, I think Natty was about 1 month old, and they had a 3 month-old. The mate’s wife was testifying about the benefits of CCing. Their 3mo now settled herself every night by sucking her thumb and didn’t cry… “And it only took 6 nights!” To me, that sounded so awful.
But you are right, it is also none of our business, sadly. My mum told me that we didn’t spend a great deal of time with our cousins when we were little, as she and my aunt had very different parenting styles. But once we got a bit older, they restored their relationship and all is well now. Perhaps that’s how it works with friends too. If you were to spend less time with them when your children are all so little, then later on pick up again once you have more in common. (That seems naive, even as I write it, but you never know.)
Hugs to you, babe, and to your gorgeous little man.