Thanks for your replies everyone - I really feel much better reading them! Sorry there are way too many good points here to respond to them all!

Lucy I like your approach. I probably need to find a language that would suit me I suppose and just go with it. I was talking to my sister about how she deals with it. She commented that her friend would say something sweet and lovely and offer to help or something - but because she is sweet and lovely it would be taken appropriately! LOL. My sis thought if SHE tried that it would sound false and ppl would know she's actually anxious about it. So I guess we've all gotta find the way to address (or not) these things in a way that matches our personality.

Bathsheba YES! It does feel great to vent . As for your 'gun' incident, I would hate that too! I don't mind Becci's approach that "our house has rules". I've had so many times where I've been pulling other people's kids off our stuff or out of our bedrooms - I'm not telling them off generally as much as saying "no, this is not what happens in this house". Maybe that would work too "we don't have guns in this house" as oppose to "You should not play guns".

Purplemamma I'm sure it was obvious I was struggling, or they wouldn't have said "Oh you're just a first time mum". I don't know what I looked like, I certainly hadn't said anything so I don't know that I was hiding anything at all, LOL. But they do know what side of the fence I sit on re this stuff so to speak!

Snowy Love it's almost like we need to buy mass coppies of the Science of Parenting and stand outside Maternity wards handing them out FOR FREE to get the message out there!

Anyhow, my DS is starting to sound like a horse LOL which means he's tired so I'm off!