For example, we really reinforce the rules during the day - in the morning, if I ask him not to do something and tell him if he does it again he will have to sit on the chair, he sits on the chair, by himself, for about 2 minutes.
If it's 5:30 and it's the same scenario, then he sits on the chair but maybe is allowed to take a toy or book, or only sits on it for 1 minute - because while I like to be consistent, when they're tired isn't the time to push the issue or teach something new.
So I guess I'm wondering if he's responding dramatically to any negative consequences moreso as the day wears on? I know both our kids are markedly less resilient as the day wears on. So we just don't choose our battles at the end of the day.
Sneakysparkle, it makes lot of sense not to pick battles at dinner. Do you think it's ok to let him have other foods after he refuses dinner? This is what we *were* doing, but then we noticed that if he didn't like what was on offer for dinner, he would just refuse it knowing that there were other things to eat. He even started refusing dinners that he had previously eaten quite well. I have made sure that the other foods he can have aren't anything special but are at least somewhat nutritious (usually yogurt, fruit or a sandwich) but he does like all of those foods and they're obviously more appealing than dinner to him at the moment. Maybe we need to make the foods he's allowed to have after dinner even more plain & less appealing, like plain dry biscuits?? But if he continues to forgo dinner, that wont be a good long term approach. Would love to know other people's dinner 'policies' (for want of a better word)....
I *love* the dinner at lunch idea. I can't see him eating veggies at lunch, but I'll give it a go & see what happens.
Nelle, you're right.. both of those incidences have been later in the day. That's probably what has brought on the meltdowns rather than his inability to accept consequences.. I don't know why that didn't dawn on me earlier!!
skeeta - with us - if DD#1 is struggling to eat her dinner but wants yoghurt then we do a "x number of mouthfulls" (depending on how much she has already eaten) - but make it fun, not "you must sit there and eat 5 mouthfulls or go to bed without dinner" iykwim?!
for example: we say "5 more mouthfulls" and hold up 5 fingers. Each finger has a 'secret sound' so after each mouthfull she gets to push a finger down and hear what funny sound it makes (animal noises, random things, raspberries etc!)
or sometimes she likes to choose what sort of vehicle will bring her her dinner - motorbike, helicopter etc
HTH
Sneaky we were doing that kind of thing - a light and fun "3 more mouthfuls and you can have yogurt" kind of deal (although without the fun noises.. great idea!). It was working quite well, but now he's flat out refusing to eat any mouthfuls. "No. No dinner. Don't like dinner". So the last few nights that he's been doing this we have followed through and held out on the yoghurt/sandwich, and he's being going to bed having eaten nothing (which is clearly less than ideal)...
Not really sure what to do, because if we give in and allow him to have the yogurt anyway he learns that all he has to do is stand his ground in order to get his way and that we don't follow through with what we say.. but on the other hand I think we've got to feed him SOMETHING!
Since we've started trying to really get him to eat dinner, it's become a bit of a lose-lose situation, and I just wonder if it's worth it or would it be better for all if we just drop the issue? I don't want to create a long term battle over food... is this one of those battles that's better off just left 'unpicked' ?? Or are we just going about it the wrong way??
Why don't you give dinner at lunchtime a shot, and light lunch at dinner? He won't know 'oh this is all topsy turvy and I'm eating the wrong food at the wrong time'.
So if he likes yoghurt, give him yoghurt for dinner. That rules out a battle of the wills when he's tired, if he wants to eat yoghurt and you're telling him to eat yoghurt. You're making it easy for him to obey you.
Another thought I'm throwing in the mix is that if it's hot there like it is here, he might not be hungry either. Mine barely touched their dinner last night, even my 19 month old who usually finishes off his brother's dinner! I don't feel hungry either. So we do food in the cooler mornings (I'm cooking pancakes right now, actually, it's probably burning...................right, pancake saved), and so as they tire and the house heats up they've already eaten a decent amount. I don't insist on meat and 3 veg when I am so hot that all I want is a sausage in bread.
I've been filling them up with fruit filled smoothies too towards the end of the day.
Anyway. To me, sounds like it's tiredness, perhaps complicated further by the heat if it's hot where you are. So perhaps filling bub up earlier in the day is worth a shot. All the best.
I am with Nelle, kids don't know what they should be eating when, just give him something that you know he will eat so he isn't going to bed with an empty stomach. You can try giving him other foods when he isn't so tired.
My DS won't eat veges unless they are cooked into sauces or stews etc. So when I make meals that I know he likes I make extra to feed him again later in the week so DH and I can have things that I know will be a battle to get DS to eat without the headache.
I hated veges as a kid, but I eat them now. Try not to stress too much over your DS's food, it does get easier (so I am told ).
I'm also one for not fighting at dinner time, I just don't see that it is worth it. We are just winding him up at a time of night we want everyone to be calm & my DH & I like to enjoy our meal also.
At that age they seem to want to push things a bit more also, our DS has been doing so in the past couple weeks as he's understanding so much more now.
I keep up the good foods during the day, I make lots of things so they are preservative free etc & offer only water etc...then at dinner time if he's hungry he will eat, if he's not he wont. But it's all about timing also, I know when he's most hungry. If it looks like DH will not be home in time I will serve DS dinner up early & then he's welcome to sit with us when we eat or go off & play.
I always make a point of serving a plate up for him so he know's we'd like him to eat what we are eating, but then I don't force it. Sometime's he'll try, sometimes not at all & in the even he wants something else its a sandwich or banana......that's it. As he still has milk at bed I know he's not going hungry & if I give too many choices he'll play on that.
If we are having a nice meal & he hasn't eaten anything & gets down from the table we let that go also, as it's a massive war otherwise & we just want to keep things calm at that time of night. We don't have the telly on so he usually just wanders around us playing with some toys or books. As long as he sits up when we do & see's that he's got a plate of food. To make it fun he has a place mat with the alphabet & animals on it & he get's his own cup with ice & water in it like Mummy & Daddy.
I think at the end of the day if your child is not flat out refusing to eat all day or not just choosing really crappy foods then don't stress. We all have to adapt to different things, I think we push dinner as we are used to sitting to have that main meal we expect them to also. But they often have smaller appetites or snack more during the day. So don't stress.
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You're making it easy for him to obey you.
All the best.
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