When our daughter was tantrum age, I too would try to avoid triggers for tanties. Also, I tried to help her describe her feelings when she wasn't tantruming, eg 'you're angry' or 'you're frustrated'.

If she threw a tanty at home, I would say to her, 'I'm not going to listen until you stop screaming and say it nicely'. Then I would walk away. She very quickly learnt that as soon as she talked in a normal voice, that I had plenty of time and attention for her. Also, if I'd said no to something before the tantrum, I held my ground and never changed it to a yes.

When she would stop tantruming, and behaving in a nicer fashion, I would praise her for being nice and say, 'now we can talk and hear each other'. In the shops, I would say to her, 'right, you're not getting (insert a well liked activity here) when we get home'. I would pick her up and walk out of the shop.

One time, when she was older, she was having a day where she was saying no to everything I said. So, I told her, 'each time you say no to me, I'll say no to you'. So, next time she asked me to turn on the tv, I said 'no'. Can she play play dough? No. She very quickly figured out, it's no fun having someone say no at you all day long! I didn't do this for long periods, just long enough for her to see where I was coming from.

I also am very anti smacking, and have never used it on her, nor will I ever.