Time out, in the basic sense, is about withdrawing love from a child who is often seeking attention and love. So it isn't all that great.
However, lots of positive praise, reassurance that you love the child not the action and warnings make time out a great tool to have in your toolbox. I use time outs and time ins with Liebling, but never let him get hysterical. He can have a time out on my lap with a cuddle, he knows it is about not being allowed to ruin things rather than me not loving him.
FWIW, I loved being sent to my room. Ultimate pleasure! Even better when my mother forgot I was in the house and I wasn't made to come out and see the rest of them all day!
LZ- Your comments about your childhood are sad. Sounds pretty tough.
Again what you say is similar to others, it's all about how the timeout is implemented and the associated emotions and actions from both the parent and the child.
I don't feel like i'm with drawing love, and DD1 doesn't get hysterical so i'm pretty sure she doesn't feel that way either.But i can see how if used in a a certain manner it could be like that. Sometimes it's tough to set boundaries, and as a child i remember feeling that is was unfair or that my parents didn't love me, (emotional over reaction of a teenager. ) when in fact they were setting boundaries because they loved me. So i guess plenty of love and reassurance helps to ensure that children understand boundries aren't about withdrawing love.
I did the 123 thing with DS1 - he's 16 now and appears to be well grounded with no lasting ill-effects from my parenting!! I would generally only have to get to "2" - I think it was the quiet tone that got his attention.
Also, someone mentioned about giving "tasks" for little hands. Nic's principal from kinder (all those years ago) used to give the little ones things to do rather than a punishment if they were misbehaving or consistently disrupting the class. She would ask them to help her by stacking some books, sorting out pencils, tidying up something..... little tasks designed to distract and refocus and to also teach them about consequences for their actions. Can I just add too that Nic used to come home and tell me that he helped Sr Edith today, because he wanted to - I used to have to hide my grin because I knew he'd been a little bit naughty!!
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) when in fact they were setting boundaries because they loved me. So i guess plenty of love and reassurance helps to ensure that children understand boundries aren't about withdrawing love.
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