We don't often get NO in response to things like going out in the car so I guess it comes down to the scenario. If its a pressing "need" situation, like going out, we ask why, then explain why she still needs to do it. Like going shopping. If we don't go shopping there will be no food for dinner. She is pretty cruisy like that

With clean up its different. If she wants something, drink or food, she must return her plate it cup to the bench. It's been something we've said forever. She knows if she doesn't there us no more of whatever she asks. She will often say no, mummy/ daddy do it. We respond with something along the lines if mummy/daddy bring their stuff you need to bring yours over. With toys she is given lots of opportunity to clean up. If its not done by the time the vac comes out it goes in the charity box. We will help but not do it all

Every child is different though. You need to work out what works for your child. If reasoning works it is fantastic, but if it doesnt you have to find something that does. I believe onyx making reference to planning charts may relate to what many of us has heard is successful for kids on the spectrum. I've seen it work, I've heard numerous success stories. But it's not something I've had to implement myself.