My DS has ASD and loves saying no. The other big one in our house is "not fair". I give DS options within my guidelines like what clothes he's wearing and that can help to get him to go along. Sadly more often than not I am putting him in the car against his will to go to speech/ OT/ daycare because he wants to do something else.
I get what you mean.
I remember taking DS to theh docs ones. Awful fever, miserable and the doc needed to check him over. He HATED having his throat looked at. No. No. No. I said no, I don't want that!!!!! I felt awful - to be forcing him to submit himself to something he clearly did not want. I held him so the doctor could examine him properly - it turned out he had tonsilitis. I know it was the right thing to do - he needed that diagnosis so he could get better - but I felt very conflicted about denying his right to autonomy over himself.
I do prepare DS for what's going to happen and come next. that helps. I offer choices (where appropriate). Some things are not-negotiable, but otherwise I try to be flexible. if he really wants to stay home and we don't *have* to go out, then we stay home I try to respect him and his desires - I hope in time he'll learn to respect others in the same way. I explain that sometimes we have to do things we don't want (I know I do!) and I talk about why we need to do certain things, or why I want to do certain things. And we also talk about things that he'd like to do.
I think there's a period of time early on where we do have to make a lot of decisions for our kids - to care for them, to protect them and keep them safe. The transition to full independence and autonomy is a gradual one. It's tricky finding the right balance. I hope it will work out in time
Honestly, no I don't think his autism is all that relevant. 6 months ago yes probably, and he was a totally different child then. But he's been recovering from the autism for 6 months now and is really making progress. He doesn't have the brain fog anymore, but he is still dealing with the developmental delay as a result of all that lost learning time. I would say he's pretty similar in language and impulse control to a 2 year old. In any case, children with or without autism deserve the same respect and I was really coming from the perspective of asking how you maintain that level of respect.
It's good to hear from some fellow gentle parenters- I think we'll just keep doing what we're doing then. I give him LOADS of warning and reminders about what is coming up, I let him make as many choices as possible, I try and slow down to go at his pace and not rush him through a task, I reassure, cuddle and acknowledge that I know he doesn't want to do it but we have to because of XYZ.
A week ago he really didn't want to go to preschool but I coaxed him to the car still and then when we pulled up he kept saying he didn't want to... so I drove on and we went to the park instead. It was one of those times where we could do something else and if he really didn't want to go then fine. But some things we have to do. His cod liver oil is healing him and his life is depending upon him having it so it's not negotiable. He goes through ebbs and flows of having it with no troubles and other times where after 30-60mins of putting it off and trying to negotiate that I have to pin him down and give it to him. Thanks for understanding that MadB- it's so awful to hear those no's then and ignore them
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I try to respect him and his desires - I hope in time he'll learn to respect others in the same way. I explain that sometimes we have to do things we don't want (I know I do!) and I talk about why we need to do certain things, or why I want to do certain things. And we also talk about things that he'd like to do.
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