I get what you mean.
I remember taking DS to theh docs ones. Awful fever, miserable and the doc needed to check him over. He HATED having his throat looked at. No. No. No. I said no, I don't want that!!!!! I felt awful - to be forcing him to submit himself to something he clearly did not want. I held him so the doctor could examine him properly - it turned out he had tonsilitis. I know it was the right thing to do - he needed that diagnosis so he could get better - but I felt very conflicted about denying his right to autonomy over himself.

I do prepare DS for what's going to happen and come next. that helps. I offer choices (where appropriate). Some things are not-negotiable, but otherwise I try to be flexible. if he really wants to stay home and we don't *have* to go out, then we stay home I try to respect him and his desires - I hope in time he'll learn to respect others in the same way. I explain that sometimes we have to do things we don't want (I know I do!) and I talk about why we need to do certain things, or why I want to do certain things. And we also talk about things that he'd like to do.

I think there's a period of time early on where we do have to make a lot of decisions for our kids - to care for them, to protect them and keep them safe. The transition to full independence and autonomy is a gradual one. It's tricky finding the right balance. I hope it will work out in time