Thank you all for the discussion I'm not the deepest thinker (big surprise, hey? ) so it's good to see some of what I've been feeling put into words without my having to explain exactly what I mean. We all know I'm hopeless at that I've been a bit "drifty" lately myself, feeling even less like I fit in anywhere than I usually do. I hope I haven't contributed to anyone else feeling that way too! I always worry I'm upsetting people

So, I'm going to the hospital appointment. I was more after an idea of what to expect at it than thinking about why I should or shouldn't go, but I am thankful that I did end up doing so. In any case, my midwives want me to go, so I will. I might be a (potential) homebirther, but I'm still easily-swayed little Teni, not a fighter. I can't remember if I said it in here or just in an SMS with PZ the other day, but my general way of dealing with a lot of situations is to set myself up with/near people who can help me achieve my goals. That way it's easier to avoid confrontation (as HotI said, I'm not a big fan!) and I can just get on with it. I know it didn't work for me last time - I trusted the wrong people - but I hope it does this time. At the very least (assuming it all happens at home, no transfer) I know *all* of the people around me will be people I trust rather than whoever's on shift. And if I do transfer? Almost all the people who come with me can back me up, give me strength to *try*.

See what I mean about not being able to get across what I want to say? I've been typing this for half an hour, and parts of it still don't make complete sense. I'm only hitting the submit button because my phone's about to die and I don't know where a charger is...