Homebirth General Discussion #20

[Jennifer13]

Lady-bug, I felt much the same as you about my c/s. In hindsight, I didn't need it, but if it wasn't for that and my concern over VBAC hospital guidelines, I wouldn't have looked into HB. All the way from a scheduled c/s to a freebirth - bit of a difference!

For my birth space, I didn't do much for my first HB, just lots of mental preparation. Set the space up, but no decoration, just the practical things, dimmed lighting, warm pool, bean bags, etc. I did Blessingway flags for my second HB and had everyone write something on them. More emotional prep this time. I did set the room up (same one), but this time only with the birth pool.

[Lady-bug]

Thanks Dot face.

Jennifer, that's exactly how this one feels. With my first HBAC I was almost in 'fight' mode, I was so determined that I was going to have a HBAC, this time I know I can do it although I have a weird feeling that this labour is going to be trickier or harder, or maybe its going to take more mental power than last time.
I love this thread for the fact that I can unload this stuff and not be looked at like a weirdo maybe??

[Dot Face]

Definitely not a weirdo!

I also love being able to talk freely about homebirthing and all things related here. Too much judgment everywhere else. I remember once while I was pregnant and was at a bridal shower, I was having a chat to a girl there and homebirth somehow came up and she was like "that's wrong, I think that's so wrong". Lol. She was a really sweet girl, I felt sad that she wasn't aware of how wonderful a homebirth could be and how much it can help women feel confident and empowered in their ability to birth naturally. I didn't dare pipe in with "well, you'll be surprised to know then..." despite being slightly tempted to.
With my next pregnancy though, whenever that is, I'm considering just saying "I'm actually planning a homebirth" when anyone asks which hospital I'm booked into. I might change my mind though when the time comes. :P

[Bella29]

I did that this last time dot face. First time I hbac'd, when ppl asked me what hospital we were going to, I told them "we are booked in at x hospital". I didn't lie, I just omitted the rest. This last time, I just told people. No one came back and said anything negative, just a few comments regarding my 'bravery' because of the pain I think. And yeah I found this last one a bit harder mentally, because I think I knew my body worked and I think I was more just aware of how hard it would be. I panicked in the middle and then settled down.

[Tegam]

At work last night three out of four of us were pregnant. Conversation nurse 'is this your first or second' me '5th' her 'oh, which hospital are you having it at' me' at home' nurse 'oh' end of conversation

I think weirdo just might cover it lady bug

[Bella29]

Lol! Oh tegam.... You must be having fun with it. You must shock people's ideas on 'average' these days

[Outback girl]

Tegam that's funny but so common I've found, it's deffinately a quick way to end conversations .

[Artechim]

Isn't it amazing what a few government policies do the the perception of things! In NZ there is much more public acceptance to HB. The worst I ever got was the comment of "I couldn't do that myself, what if something went wrong" which wasn't really anything negative about my choice. Perhaps it would be a different attitude in the cities though - where we were it was somewhere around 20-30% HB, then another 20-30% at the birth center (actually no more resources than a home birth lol) and then the rest went out of town to a hospital. I was the first in the area to get a birth pool sent up, I know of about 4 ladies that used it after me and eventually they had to get a second one up because the home water births were getting so common! I guess it helps that it is free here - we actually have a choice without any financial barriers.

[Tegam]

Artechim: I can't imagine how much it would change if it were free. sadly i think that the cost rules so many people out so early on that they don't even have time to research why it could possibly be worth it. Last night another one of the nurses said "but its so expensive you may as well have an OB" I said " But with an ob you get the birth they choose not the birth you deserve" She actually said "Good point". I was glad that i was brave enough to bring it up as the other pregnant nurse ended up getting my midwifes details as she is 34 weeks and the hospital is talking about an induction at 39 weeks just because she is GD! Not fair. Sometimes its worth the good fight and sometimes its better to internalise our choices

[Cassius2]

I loved telling people that 'baby will be born at home' I think also that i dont 'look' hippy or whatnot would really rattle people lol. I have also always been quite confident in the choice and have always seen it as a valid option (even when i felt that it wasnt for me prior to DD1s birth). so when i tell people I tell it in the same tone etc that one would say which hospital they are booked into. it was interesting as because i never treated as something different it or anything, people would be shocked but then forced to accept it as normal as well haha. love it.

phy: that's a bummer that your DH doesnt see it as worth it. financing a HB can be really tough. but i suppose you need to ask yourselves if that 5K fee includes her total support come what may. For me, that 5K will be ESPECIALLY worth it if the need for transfer arose. TBH i have NO IDEA how i would of coped being at the RWH without their support and advice...

[Dot Face]

Artechim I had no idea homebirths were free in NZ! I have been considering convincing dh to go to another state for my next birth because I hated seeing people those first couple of weeks, maybe we could go NZ instead lol *only in my wildest dreams*

[Lady-bug]

Same as Bella, I didn't tell anyone last time, just said the hospital I was booked into for a back up but this time, I'm telling everyone. And most people assume we are home birthing as well. I've only had one 'you're brave' comment to which I replied 'no you're brave' as she is also pregnant and having an elective c/section. The conversation ended pretty quickly.

[meow]

I tell anyone that asks that we're having a home birth. In a pretty low-key matter-of-fact way. If anyone asks what hospital what we're going to I just say we're having a home birth. I have had the "you're so brave" comment a lot. Now I usually reply "No, going to hospital is brave" and the conversation generally ends pretty fast

[HotI]

So you are not all doing it for the whale music and candles?

[Jennifer13]

DP now walks around telling ppl how lucky we were to HB, or else DD3 would have been in the front yard or by the side of the road! At least we were prepared, aware and help was on it's way.

Not brave, just well-informed.

We can all be weird together.

[Tegam]

I feel comfortable with weird who'd me mainstream anyway!

[Eenee]

Oh Dot Face I am so sorry you are experiencing any negative feelings. From experience i have found that hospital notes only fill in some of the holes but not many.


I had a beautiful Homebirth (free birth) with my 3rd baby. It was quick and sadly the midwife should have made it but didnt think anything was happening with me. This in turn made my husband feel that the $5000 was wasted and by the time we fell pregnant with my 4th he had decided that we wouldn't waste that money again. Even tho everything worked our perfectly with the free birth DH didn't think he wanted to risk it again. We had had two lovely hospital births before the Homebirth so weren't that off put by having another at hospital, except we had moved states and the cs rates at this new hospital are out of control. In early pregnancy I thought I knew enough about the system to be ok...... I also confident to free birth if that's what happened. But entering the system was a huge mistake. First the pressured me about my early labours (all between 36-38weeks) then my fast labours, then that I was at huge risk of PPH as it was my 4th bub and 6th pregnancy, then they said my baby was small then they said that I didn't have enough fluid....

I get terrible per labour where I muck around for days and days. I went to the hospital the night before my 4th was born, I was 3cm but it then all died down. I decided to leave the hospital as they said they wanted to break my waters.... The next morning after NO sleep for a few days I was phone by the ob who saw me the day before, telling me to come in, I said no, then her boss called me, then a Mw from the ward and then the NUM and finally the head OB. seriously 5 phone calls telling me I was putting myself and the baby in danger. I remember walking up to my husband, broken and saying we "had to go in". I agreed to monitoring and an internal to see if I was any further along.

They did an internal and without permission broke my waters, all proud of themselves that I'd probably have the baby within 30mins now, weren't they clever

Nothing happened, they did another internal and I was 5cm but felt fine, then another (no idea why) and I was 9cm. I then got pushy but knew something was wrong, I was standing beside the bed, I had 4midwives a student Mw and a dr in the room cause I was going to be such a quick birth, all without my permission, I remember looking up feeling like I was a circus freak. I simply yelled "I'm telling you something is wrong"

They did another internal and I was massively swollen, the last internal at 9cm was done with latex gloves and I have an allergy that they had forgotten about

The story gets a whole lot worst but I'm still not ready to discuss the next 2.5hrs. To say it was the worse experience of my life is an understatement and to have that terror associate with the birth of my dd kills me with guilt.

I had done it three times before, I had supported three women to VBAC before, I am a nurse.....

I lost my voice and had no one on my side.

I am still very much not over this experience. I still have enormous issues with my DH about it. Something he almost gets now after years of he explaining. He has never ever let me down, except then.... But ultimately I feel it's my fault and someone that only I cold have change.

I always wanted one more birth to heal from dd's. but this pregnancy hasn't helped at all. It's making me deal with those feelings and that's hard, most of the time I ignore it all. My Mw wants to book in the planning meeting but I'm just not ready. I am terrified of birth and I have never ever felt that way before. All I know is I can not go to a hospital. In fact I don't think I want anyone near me or touching me. I think. Want to be outside just to prove to myself how much I am NOT in a hospital.



Well what an essay that ended up being, not sure it helps you but I think I said all that to show you that you can never be your own voice in hospital. Please get a doula or IM. Someone that knows you well and will be there solely for you!

Tegam. So sorry you had to go though that. It can be so hard because we really do need someone to be our 'voice' for these vulnerable times. Someone that gets 100% what we do and don't want so can speak for us in these times and that also don't step over this line themselves. There is contacts for people that do birth debriefs if you are interested at any point. Or I'm always here, but I'm not sure I can provide the useful replies. Xxoo I really hope this birth is a healing birth for you. Of course it can't take away what happened though.

[Sterla]

Water birth book recommendations please?