Homebirth General Discussion #22

[Cassius2]

I would be devastated Tegam. I am one of those ppl that never want to put people out so acquiese rather easily to them (rather than speak up and demand the attention that I need).

That said, even for me, 2 weeks is too long between drinks so to speak, so i would call her up and beg her to come sooner as you are feeling emotional and not in the right headspace for the birth (speak openly about it, it's what she is working from ITMS). I am certain that she will come then...i think that once you are beyond that first or even second baby, you are treated as a bit of an 'old hand' that knows the ropes and our overworked IMs sometimes rely too much on that instead of showering us in enough love and support. Maybe go into character and try to remember how you were as a first timer and demand lots of answers and ask lots of questions lol! that might get her around haha!

[meow]

I'd be really sad and feel as though I don't matter to her Tegam, so I understand you feeling upset. Like Cassius said, I bet she's thinking "5th time mum who is going to rock this birth, she's totally fine" and not at all thinking she's letting you down and is unaware how much you need her.

With my DS2's birth I told my MW a few times that postpartum care was the most important thing for me as that's when I fell apart when I had DS1. So she "knew" but when the time came she had a flurry of births and I got bumped a lot and really struggled. I ended up bringing it up with her a few weeks later and she was really surprised and said she had no idea I was struggling so much and she was thinking "2nd time mum who had a great birth, she's rocking it and fine this time". So I agree with ladybirdflies that you may need to spell it out.

If you don't want to "cause stress" how about asking her for a phone chat to go debrief your feelings at this late stage of pregnancy? You could just say "I know it's hard for both of us to get to each other at the moment but I really need to chat, could we make a time to talk on the phone?". That way you're reaching out to her and letting her know you are struggling and you need her, but you don't have to be demanding if that's not your style.