Homebirth General Discussion #6

[Olive]

following on from here https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...1/index18.html

[HotI]

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[~Stoked~]

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[meow]

Soon, soon Stoked!!!

I used to tell people we were HBing, similar to the way Cassius said it. If someone asked "Where are you having the baby?" I'd say "At home ", or "What hospital are you going to?", "Oh, we're having a home birth". I guess like BFing, I felt it was important to make HB visible and help to normalise it so I never wanted to keep it a secret.

I was prepared for the doubters and I had a few from my mother's group but generally my family, AP playgroup and anyone else I spoke to (parents from my kindergarten work placement) were all really positive.

I was at a dinner with mother's group and the conversation managed to turn to my upcoming HB (everyone seems fascinated by HB, but they don't do it themselves!). I was getting drilled with all the HB 101 questions. It was getting a bit tedious and I was starting to have to defend my position and say crap like "Well, obviously we'll go to the hospital if that happens" and thankfully someone said "But nothing will happen, you'll have a great birth ". Couldn't have thanked her enough!

One time I replied to "You're so brave" with "I'd be braver if I went to a hospital!" and it didn't go down that well. You could just tell the mother took it is as insult to her decision to birth in a hospital. Well, you know what, you just implied I'm taking a risk with my baby so if you can dish it out then be prepared to cop it back!

[Jennifer13]

Why do some ppl feel the need to justify their own decisions if your's is different?

Yay Stoked! How are you doing? Do you feel prepared?

DP said today I should invite my very best gf to come and stay with us for the birth. I don't know if she'll be able to because she lives interstate, plus I don't know how much time she'll have, but she suggested it when she stayed at Easter. I'd love to have her support, she's given birth to twins and her 4.5 kg boy and is really supportive and excited about our HB. She'd be DD's support person.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I loved having my GF over for DD's birth! She took video and was fantastic with DS. She was the only person I could think of that we'd all want!

[Cassius2]

i had my close GF there for DD2s birth...she was the second midwife though so in a defined role but all the same it was magnificent to share this with her.

[HotI]

Cassius & eutra_phalia, were you at the movie Tues? I was there with my Mum. I enjoyed the speaker, even though i had hoped my Mum could meet Gaye D (she got called out to a birth and couldn't be the speaker). Kinda funny, i had actually met the midwife who was the speaker when i had my tour of the birth centre, she encouraged me to go with homebirth!

i want minimal numbers of people at my birth, one midwife and maybe a student midwife i am talking to (who has had 2 homebirths) and then just DH and maybe DD.

[e_p]

hey HotI yep - DH and I were there - sitting close to the back near the door Loved the movie!! I was a little disappointed not to see Gaye there (I can't get enough of her calming, positive energy) but also so excited that she was off attending a birth

I only want minimal people at the birth - so far our midwife and a student...I'm trying to decide whether or not to ask my best friend to be there...I guess my reservation about her being there is that she doesn't 'get it' ??? If that makes sense....I don't think she gets that I want a homebirth because for me I believe it to be safer, but also its just a completely different approach and philosophy to hospital birth...I don't know :S

[HotI]

I was the other side of the room but also close to the back (maybe 3rd back row), what does your DH look like? what was he wearing ? there weren't that many men there so easier to pick out a man than a woman. bummer we didn't actually meet.

i really liked the second doco. can you remember the name of their fb page?

[Smoke Jaguar]

Very much makes sense. My GF had both her boys in the FBC, where I had DS, but I knew she was the one and only candidate because when I was pg with DS and I said to guess what kind of birth I was having she said "Homebirth!"...and I said, well, no, it's a waterbirth, actually...what made you say homebirth? And she said homebirth would be in line with my values and I felt a niggle for the rest of the pregnancy that I wasn't having a homebirth if she believed I could do it!
So, when we knew I was pg again, I knew that I would have Helen Brown as my midwife and my GF as support for DS, even though DP lobbied hard to have a 'back up plan' for DS in case he had to be farmed out. I refused to have a back up plan because I steadfastly wanted DS to be there, and DS wouldn't have had it any other way.
Definitely, anyone who doesn't understand homebirth or its normality doesn't need to be there.

[e_p]

I was the other side of the room but also close to the back (maybe 3rd back row), what does your DH look like? what was he wearing ? there weren't that many men there so easier to pick out a man than a woman. bummer we didn't actually meet.

i really liked the second doco. can you remember the name of their fb page?

DH tall and thin, sandy hair, wearing glasses and was in a purple shirt and tie because he came straight from work

I think the second movie was called 'Trusting Birth' ??

[Jennifer13]

I will talk to my gf today. It would be good to know she can attend to DD so DP doesn't have to. Also someone to take photos! I know if at the time I feel the need to be alone she's not going to mind if I tell her to bugger off! LOL

Doco sounds great.

M/w visit this afternoon, not that there's much to talk about!

[e_p]

got a message from my gf today too...its all so so delicate!! A few weeks ago she emailed saying she knew we had talked about it a long time ago but that she didn't want me to feel pressured to have her there and that if I had changed my mind she'd understand...I really need to make a decision and let her know

[e_p]

Definitely, anyone who doesn't understand homebirth or its normality doesn't need to be there.

Exactly what I was thinking!!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Well, that was easy, you're both off the hook!

[e_p]

Well, that was easy, you're both off the hook!

looks that way!! Now to deal with my mother and we're all set!!

[Cassius2]

dealing with my mother was quite intense...they seem to have a tendency to get very emotional about it all. but remember that if it does get funny (as it did with me) pop in here and let it all out. that's what i did and it really helped to get it out in words.

HotI: nah, in the end i stayed snuggled on my couch I have been super lazy this week as little M has decided to (after 10 months!) decide that she is a night owl .

Jennifer: have a great appointment! that is the wonderful thing about these appts, you get enough time to chat, connect and really build that relationship between all of you and I found that i had a better chance to really have enough time to talk about everything and anything that came up (none of that business of walking out of the OB office and a minute later remembering what it was that you wanted to say/ask IYKWIM).