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Thread: DP told me to stop BFing!!!

  1. #1

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    Angry DP told me to stop BFing!!!

    Lastnight I was feeling rather frazzeled after a very busy day and and way too many kids in the house. School holidays here. Anyway I told Mark that I needed some "time out" more than 2 mintues to do a wee and preferably without Tehya whinging at the damn door.

    So anyway he goes on to tell me that I should just stop breastfeeding!!! It has no nutrience in it anymore and is doing nothing for her anyway other than making her overly clingy to me. Of course I took huge offence to him and told him how WHO actually recommends BFing for the first 2 years, and that of course it has nutience in it. In the next breath I said it was just because he never knew anyone who breastfed for a few months let alone for as long as I have. It certainly isn't normal in his family to breastfeed, although I am sure after Noah they know what I am like.

    I really got on my high horse about this as it's not the first time he has said this to me, especially in the last few weeks. He also seems to think that this would be the answer to Tehya's poor sleeping/waking habits of a nighttime. Funny thing is lastnight I went out and he had to get Tehya down for the night, he gave her a bottle of cows milk, which she doesn't really drink alot of and she was still awake after about 5 hours, so that alone should show him it makes no difference.

    I guess my biggest issue is that I think as my partner and the father of our children I would expect him to support my decision to breastfeed my babies for as long as we wish. Don't get me wrong, he is more than happy that I feed my babies, it just seems that once they are toddlers he has an issue....

    Not sure if I'm after advice or just a vent......
    Opinions welcome though


  2. #2

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    Trish, he should support you! It is up to you and Teyha to work out when it is time to quit BF'ing! I am sorry he is acting like such a ninny!

  3. #3

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    I agree that he should support you, but maybe he is reacting to your stress about not having "time out". He might have been trying to give you the "out" option of breastfeeding, thinking maybe you were doing cos you felt obligated to, but not cos you were still enjoying it. Do you know what I mean? Not sure i'm clear.

    Basically, it may not be that he really has an issue with your breastfeeding, so much as he doesn't want to see you exhausted, because obviously when you're bf, he can't help you through the night.

    How do i know this? DH suggested I stop bf when i was getting extremely stressed and exhausted. When i got upset, he said that it was because he couldn't help me, cos he doesn't lactate. LOL

    Now he knows my thoughts that with DD I allowed her to wean herself and she did it at 5.5 months, so I think it's only fair that I give DS the same opportunity. He is 7 months and I doubt he will wean anytime soon. Which is fine by me.
    I had a naturopath last week go off telling me it was time that DS and I "went in [our] own ways" with bf and stop bf him cos it's probably causing his reflux. Needless to say, it was all i could do to stop throwing things at her.
    When I got home and told DH about it, he had a laugh about it and said to ignore her. Do what I want to do. Evidently when i made it apparent that I was willing to put up with the harder sides of bf, he was more than happy to support me to continue.

    Do what's right for you and Tehya.

    oh... sorry.. didn't mean to hijack your thread.

  4. #4

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    Trish I have an article about the place which has details of all the nutrients contained in breastmilk after 1-2 years. It does adjust according to age and it does have the nutrients in it. Maybe you can stick it on the fridge!!!
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  5. #5

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    Kel, I would love a copy of that and will do exactly that. LOL. I can just imagine the look on his face when he reads it.

    Lut, no highjacking was done, it's all good. I do KWYM aout him not being able to feed Tehya and that he can not help out in that way, I guess I'm just watning abit of extra support in that area, even for him to say don't worry about gettting up for XX feed I will give her a bottle or try and resettle her. It's not that I have a problem with her having the occasional bottle of cows milk, I have actually been trying to get her to have 1 a day so she will get used to the taste and yes to give me a break occassionally.

    Although since she has astarted to drink more of it I am finding she is having really yucky, runny poo's. Wondering whether it's because she's not used to the cows milk or if she actuallyhas a problem with it....

  6. #6

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    I'm not sure, but i think when someone is lactose intollerant (particularly with cow's milk), they say the poo is frothy (sorry. TMI). Runny poo might just be because she is still trying to get used to it.
    I'd probably keep trying, as long as she doesn't appear to be cramping an have belly aches.

  7. #7

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    Hey Trish.. how frustrating not to have that support. I'm with Lut tho.. he may have just been offering a solution to your tiredness.

    My DH likes to offer solutions, and I do my best not to get offended. LOL. Like when he offers to pay a cleaner, or someone to do the ironing! Deep down I know he's not really criticising me that I'm struggling to get things done, but it often feels like it.

    You just go on feeding as long as you want to.. I would have thought that feeding could in itself be a bit of time out? I don't have other kids running around my feet tho, so I don't really know. hehe.

    You're doing a great job tho. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

  8. #8

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    Ivana, I wouldn't mind if he offered to pay a cleaner or an ironing lady Trust me trying to feed with 3 other kids trashing the house and knowing that you have to sit there is not time ot. LOL.

  9. #9

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    I know... but if he paid a cleaner.. I'd end up cleaning before she came coz I'd be so embarressed. LOL. Ironing.. I've almost considered it.. hehe. I guess it depends how you take the comments huh.. I seem to take it negatively.. that he's implying I'm not getting these things done.. when really he just wants me to have some help.

  10. #10

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    Yup, kwym. I would take it neg too, but ohhh to have to have the offer

  11. #11

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    Trish,
    I also had a hubby that wasnt the most supportive, but still managed to BF my second son until he was 16months old, and he was in no way spoilt, and if he woke up at night, he just climbed in bed, and "helped himself" It was such a special bonding time.
    Hubby on the other hand, I think felt left out, and a bit jealous of the time I took to feed. But considering it greatly outweighs the hassle of sterilising bottles, buying formula, making the bottles up etc etc etc,,,,,the list just goes on ,he tolerated it till 16 months when I finally caved in to his demanding and weaned. His family also never fed beyond 8-9 months old and thought I was being a really bad mother for continuing. My MIL would actually come in for a visit, and try to take him off me while feeding!, I think some people just need educating.

  12. #12

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    I have Bf all mine, and all slept through at about 3 months, NO COWS MILK AT ALL. so its NOTthis reason Tehya wakes.Dont let it bother you, as the other girls have said DH's jus like to "fix" the prob, not listen and make decent suggestions, TBH you have to tell them straight out what you want ....
    I want half a day to go out BY MYSELF....
    I have just joined a gym, and YIPPEE I now have "ME" time , with his support!!!!! Somtimes you have to find something to take you away for a short time on a regular basis.
    YOU GO GIRL ITS YOUR BODY, YOU BF AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

  13. #13

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    Thanks so much girls for the support and feedback.
    I am a determined person and the more someone says no, the more likely I am to do it. So he can say stop all he likes. that will just egg me on

    I know Tehya will wean when she is ready, and yes it will probably be before I am. She is a very independant little girl and I don't see her wanting boob for another 12 months but I will be more than happy if I can get her to 2.

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