SBS doco last night

[Girl-23]

SaraJane,

I only watched the last 10 minutes of the program. Firstly, I would like to discuss the topic of arranged marriages. Sara, you need to understand that arrange marriages takes place in cultures where dating is not prevalent. In some cultures, it is tradition handed down through many generations. Yes, some Muslims practice it. Why? Because of cultural influences or simply the parents wanting the best for their child/ren. Arrange marriages is a form of costume, respect to the family, not a religious obligation. Arrange marriages are not always practiced by strict Muslims or moderate Muslims. Surely, you cannot be that ignorant and believe only Muslims practice it when Hindus are notorious for the practice of arranged marriages. Japanese, Chinese and Indians also have this practice. Statistically, arrange marriages last longer than love marriages. In Islam, arrange marriages are allowed, only when both parties agree. If the Muslim sister refuses, the marriage is invalid.

Yes, it is true, SaraJane. A Muslim man is able to marry a non-Muslim woman however a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-believer. However a Muslim man can only marry, people of the book, meaning Jews and Christians. He cannot marry a Hindi or Buddhist.

I will be back to reply to the topic of Hijab. I have to go shopping now.

[Visitor3]

SaraJane,

Surely, you cannot be that ignorant and believe only Muslims practice it when Hindus are notorious for the practice of arranged marriages.

Bit harsh Girl22 I don't think SaraJane was asking the question to be ignorant. Infact Ignorance is from the word to ignore (to refuse to take notice of) the condition of knowing something but refusing to take notice of it. I'm pretty sure SaraJane was asking to gain understanding about the topics discussed in the doco?

[Heaven]

Thanks prettybutterfly! Exactly, I was just asking a question to know more about it, don't see what the problem is. Don't remember saying I thought only muslims had arranged marriages either...

Certainly no need to be defensive, anyone who had read these forums and knows me would know I would never criticise or put down another religion, and I definately wasn't. This is a place where people are able to ask questions openly about religious topics and I hope it stays that way.

[Aimz]

I follow many of your threads in here Sara because I find that I'm also learning heaps about Islam and other religions. I don't think you were being ignorant at all. Perhaps it was just poorly worded - I don't think Girll22 meant anything by that.

Keen to know more about the hijab.

[Girl-23]

My comment about ignorance was not an insult at SaraJane. It was merely a figure of speech. I did not mean it literally although some people should use their common sense when it comes to arrange marriages and their customs. But then again, majority of Australians, maybe, are not familiar with such a practice, today. On a personal note, I am all for the pursuit of true love; love marriages. Note that am not saying, all arranged marriages don't have love. I fail to see what is so appealing about arranged marriage. SaraJane, although you haven't said only Muslims practice arrange marriages, you have indicated it because of your failure to mention other cultures having this practice. SaraJane, you have not criticise Islam and I am not assuming you of it. However, sometimes you should never believe everyone you watch or hear. For example, the media does a very good job of misleading the true image of Islam.

Sorry ladies but I can't respond to the discussion on Hijiab, not tonight, maybe tomorrow night when I am more up to it. At the moment I have other commitments.

[Aimz]

SaraJane, although you haven't said only Muslims practice arrange marriages, you have indicated it because of your failure to mention other cultures having this practice.

Just thought I would mention that Sara posted in the Islam section about an Islam documentary - this does not mean that she was not aware of other cultures, just that it wasn't relevant to mention them in this particular post. Sorry to butt in - but Sara, me and others are trying to gain some understanding from the Islam ladies on BB - because as you rightly put it Girl22, the media has a way of shaping our impression of the Islam people.

There is no need to be on the defence - this is an open and honest forum and in no way was anyone critisising. The point of this post was to gain information and understanding.

[Phteven]

SJ, I didn't watch it but anyways - the husband saying that he would leave about the hijab. If I took mine off my husband wouldn't leave me. I'm not sure how not wearing the hijab would be making the husband sin and TBH I think that threatening to leave if she doesn't wear the hijab is a bit off. Men who seek to control their partners via threats and blackmail are icky in any culture.

Lots of Muslims would prefer the term assisted marriage over arranged marriage. Arranged marriage kind of brings to mind the European tradition of arranged marriages between royal and 'noble' families where a girl is betrothed by the time she could walk and shipped off while she is pretty much still a child to marry a stranger. A Muslim assisted marriage is rather differant. I went to school with a Morman girl who went to the US to marry a guy she had never met in an arranged marriage a month after she finished year 12. I was really shocked and I questioned her at great length lol but she seemed really happy about it and from the reports that filtered back via her sister (who went to uni instead) she was happy in her marriage. From then on I was always fairly accepting of arranged marriages if both partners were happy to go down that path. Statistically they are just as likely to suceed as any other marriage.
Most Muslims meet their partners via the same channels as most other Australians. They are introduced by family and freinds or they meet at work or uni or community events. I know one couple who met on a forum. Many arranged marriages are between a couple who know each other well and have asked their families to arrange their marriage. The arranging is often more to do with the details of the pre-nup. A Muslim marriage is not valid without a mahr (a sum of money paid to the bride which remains her property - this is insurance so that if she becomes a single mum etc she has some one) and a marriage contract/pre-nup which can contain pretty much whatever you want and can be incredibly detailed if you wish. Most importantly it covers things like alimony and child-support. Generally a couple will get their families to negotiate this (although they might direct the family) so that they are not tempted to give up their rights because of affection/young love.
Also in Islam sex before marraige is considered a sin so an assited marriage often just means that the familes will visit each other a lot so that everyone gets a chance to get to know each other without temptation.
I guess that one of the key differances is that when a guy shows up you know straight out that he is wanting to get married - there is no danger of dating a guy for a few years only to find that he doesn't want to commit/have a family.
In some cultures a couple will get married but not move in together for several months - this gives them a chance to get to know each other a bit better and go away for dirty weekends if they want but they can still back out without the hassle of splitting property etc.