1st in the group to have a baby

[zwan87]

Before i got pregnant i had a huge social group of friends and we all hit the town together all weekend! When i had my boy we were in hospital together for four months 6hrs from home i didnt get to talk to them much because i spent all day in NICU and didnt take my phone. When i got home things were way different most of them got angry when i didnt come out any more and then secluded me all together not even invting me out for coffee or shopping. I feel like im having a huge whinge but i know i have changed and am not willing to spend all night out on the town cause i have a more important man to stay at home with. I guess i feel isolated now. Me and my friends are quite young but i just didnt expect it.
Has this happened to any one else and how can i remain friends and keep up when i dont want to be with them all the time?

[retrogal]

No advice Zwan, Just wanted to send you lots of
You havent changed at all.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Tell them to shove it, seriously.

Gotta be honest with you, I just gave up. I should have made more of an effort earlier on to make friends with other parents and more responsible adults because it was a lonely time... I just gave up - on waiting for them to understand, because it just felt like banging my head against a brick wall.

We came straight home from hospital but it was never the same from the second we told people we were expecting. DHs two close friends at the time tried to tell him I was making the wrong decision and if I wasn'y giving him the right to have a say in my choice he should leave me - some friends! I tried to keep going out (not drinking obviously) but it was never good enough because I wanted to go home early etc... Then when baby came to get people to visit we used to bribe them with a good meal.

Noone liked to drive the forty minutes to see us (because WE moved away) but it was okay to expect us to spend two freakin hours on public transport to go and see them and then get made to feel uncomfortable for breastfeeding, or for the crying, or for the smelly nappies.

We just do what we can now, if it's not good enough too bad. Hopefully the ones worth keeping around will come round after a while and try to make more reasonable plans with you. We have a few that try... I mean drinks at our place may not be as fun but its' still us, drinks and company.

You arent doing anything wrong, you gottas do what you need to for your FAMILY. That come first now.

[turtleschell]

aww, i'm the first in the group too, and my friends are supportive, but just have no idea.
all my guy friends still try and hit on me even though my partner and i are practically married (we refer to each other as husband and wife)
so obviously I don't see them anymore, and my girl buddies still visit, but it's weird when they talk about all their adventures, and I feel I don't have anything interesting to say.
On the upside I love my mother's group and seem to keep making mummy friends.
You'll just need to reach out and embrace your new status in the world. I hope you stumble across some new and better friends soon!

[ss_storm]

things changed with my small group of friends once we told them we were expecting. We just gradually had less and less to say to each other and now I don't talk to them at all, maybe here and there on facebook but haven't seen any of them IRL for a long time.

I do have a few friends from my old work that I keep in regular contact with and see occasionally as they have kids around DD's age. I'm very thankful for them because I don't have anyone else- we moved towns and haven't had much luck finding new friends here.

I think if your friends are still a little immature then your social group kind of needs to change now that you have a child, they just simply don't understand what it's like. Great if they are supportive and understanding and still make the effort, but if they aren't then it might be best to cut your losses and find some 'mummy friends'. If and when they want to grow up and be real friends to you then welcome them back into your life. It is hard though.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I have noticed that my circle of friends have started to treat me differently since i became pregnant. I will admit that for a while there all i did was go clubbing and get drunk. But when i told them i was pregnant all i got was "we're happy if you are" and i haven't heard or seen them in... about 7 months..

I think the best advice your going to get and have already recieved is tell them to shove it!

Partying and clubbing arent everything and you will make better friends who will treat you a lot better.

They should be supporting you rather than excluding you and getting nasty because you cant go out.

BIG BIG

[Miss.September]

Oh hon, I know how this feels. DH and I were the first to get married, buy a house and now have a baby and it's a lonely world. None of our friends are even in any relationship thats been longer than a few months, so even "couples" dinners don't happen. We were the weird ones who moved in together (at 21) and got married (at 25) and now had a baby (at 29). DH doesn't find it so difficult but I think that's because he's at work all day, interacting with people, where I'm home. The friends (maybe two) that I still see fairly regularly can't figure it out much, they like kids, they just don't get it. I had a friend bolt for home just because I put DD in the bath. I didn't join a mother's group, hindsight suggests that I probably should have. I think for me though, I'm past these friends. I have nothing in common with them. But loneliness makes me want to hang on.

Finding mummy friends is hard, but I'm on the hunt. I hope you can find some too.

Corelly x

[diamond1]

I have noticed that my circle of friends have started to treat me differently since i became pregnant. I will admit that for a while there all i did was go clubbing and get drunk. But when i told them i was pregnant all i got was "we're happy if you are" and i haven't heard or seen them in... about 7 months..

I think the best advice your going to get and have already recieved is tell them to shove it!

Partying and clubbing arent everything and you will make better friends who will treat you a lot better.

They should be supporting you rather than excluding you and getting nasty because you cant go out.


BIG BIG

You are so happy , I think. But many people are not treated kindly such that, for example my sister
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