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Thread: Help!!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Sydney, Australia
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    124

    Question Help!!

    I'm 20 yrs old and I'm 6wks preg. I just found out im having twins and im not with the father anymore. the father doesnt want me to have them and if i do have them he wont be around to help at all. my parents totally freaked out and want me to have an abortion but it is not want i want. they keep telling me i wont be able to do it alone and im scared that they may be right, but i really want to keep my babies.


  2. #2

    Default

    Do what is right for you. Dont let anyone pressure you into making any choices your not happy with. Having 2 newborns specially being a first time mum will be tough, but you will survive and your parents will come around as well and be there for you.

    Love

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Perth, WA
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    1,240

    Default

    I agree...you do what is right for you...and you'll find what you need inside you to make sure that it works!

    Get as much support around you...even if it means going to a women's health centre or service...

    And hang in there...

    Wishing you all the best.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Byron Bay
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    I have just one baby, and I'm sure twins would be a lot harder.

    But before having my baby, I got pregnant and my mum forced me to have an abortion. I have regretted this eevr since. So don't just go along with something because it is what everyone else wants. Once you do something, you can't go back so think really hard.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Noosa Hinterland
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    Hello Lauren,
    Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sorry that you are so worried about everything. It doesnt make it easy when the father runs in the other direction...twins or no twins. I have supported a few teens/young mums through pregnancy, so if you ever want to have a chat dont hesitate to message me. Do you use msn? You are more than welcome to add me [email protected] and we can have a chat

    Chin up...

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    VIC
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    985

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    Hi lauren, congratualtions on your little twins

    I was 20 when I had Ashea, I was with her dad at the time but we seperated when Ashlea was 1. Its always been hard, it still is hard, but its also been alot of other positive things aswell, and even to this day I wouldnt change the desicion I made.

    Don't do what everyone else wants, its your body and your babies and somehow, we all manage to cope with what comes our way. If you listen to the baby's father or your parents not only will you regret it, you'll resent them for what they made you do.

    We're all here for you, and we'll all do what we can to help

  7. #7
    lucysmummie Guest

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    Hey lauren!

    WOW twins! When I was 6wks pregnant I didnt know how I could do it and I only have one AND im married!

    Being a woman comes with ONE thing INSTINCT!if Ur MEANT to be a mum u WILL be a GREAT MUM! which EVER way you choose u will be a great person!

    Just one thing, Me and my DH noticed that once we had out little lucy we didnt know why we waited and we only waited a yr after marrige to get preg... Im sure with waht ever desicioon u make it will b rite but dont regret it EITHER way

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    Sydney's Norwest
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    Hi Lauren and welcome to BB.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy hun and on finding out you are having twins. I am so sorry to hear that your boyfriend has left you, perhaps he is overwhelmed at the prospect of becoming a father.

    Having a baby is a huge decision, but one only you can make. Talk with your family Dr, a counsellor or someone who is detached from the situation and get out your feelings there and decide exactly what it is you want.

    I fell pg with my eldest son who has just turned 15 when I was 1 week off 17 years old. My mum made the appt at the Dr's before I had even gotten to her house, but I had already made up my mind and would not be persuaded otherwise. Although at first not happy my family stood by me. I had my second son 5 months after I turned 20, to the same man, even though we are no longer together now.

    I would be lying if I said it has all been fun and games because it hasn't, sure it's been hard, at times it's bloody exhausting. BUT, there is nothing that I would change.

    I wish you well in whatever decision you make. Do not make it lightly, whichever way you choose to go you need to be able to live with your decisions.

    Please keep us informed. BellyBelly is a great place and you will find plenty of support in here from all of the lovely girls.

  9. #9

    Default

    Hi Lozza and welcome to BB. I won't say congratulations just yet, in case it's the wrong thing to say right now, but I am sorry to hear about you freaking out about everything - it's really not fun to be so overwhelmed.

    It's great that you want to look after and do the best thing for your twins, and it must be awful to have to make such a decision, but just wanted to wish you the best whatever you decide: it's hard bringing up one child with the daddy around, two at once with no support must be very, very daunting (but do-able - don't let anyone tell you it isn't: it's hard work, but you can do it if you have to) but I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and the future - whatever that decision is.

  10. #10

    Default

    Hey Lozza,

    Just wanted to add my support to the others who have replied to your post.

    If you decide to abort, you can't go back on that... you can't bring your twins back... so don't let anyone pressure you into it.

    I think it's fantastic that you want to keep them... I don't doubt that it will be tough, but I really admire that you want to keep them.

    Soak up the support - from this site, from clinics, from pregnancy support lines... they are there to help you.

  11. #11

    Default

    Lozza,

    Wanted to add:

    I know a couple who conceived while she was on the pill. They decided to go through with the pregnancy, but didn't know if they would bring up the bub as well. The bub spent the first month or so in foster care (with some terrific supportive foster parents), and then the couple decided they wanted to bring the baby up themselves, so they were able to get the baby back and start raising it.

    I am not saying this is the solution for everyone - I am simply saying that it is an option that is available to you. For this particular couple, having the baby go into foster care for the first month of his life, meant that the couple had enough time to decide whether they would like to bring the bub up themselves, or let another supportive, loving couple look after it.

    Hope this helps in your decision-making.

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    2,202

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    My sister was 16 when she fell pregnant and though she didn't have twins she is coping really well - it can be done! I am sure you're parents will come around and support whatever decision you make.

    I have a friend who had an abortion and to this day regrets it. I also know other people who have gone through with an abortion and been happy with their decision. It is a purely personal decision that you alone should make. I am sure there should be some sort of womans support for you to maybe receive some counselling to help you make your decision.

    My child too was unplanned and many people told me that I should have an abortion. I obviously decided not to. I did however speak to many people and looked into abortion whilst making my decision. I always imagined an abortion to be simple - you go in pregnant and come out not pregnant - right? Well the few people I spoke to made sure I realised that it wasn't that simple. As I imagined it hits you emtionally and mentally but it you also feel it physically (call me naiive but I didn't expect that part). Even to the point where for some months afterwards you still feel the changes in your body (in regards to AF etc). I'm not sure if this is the case with everyone but it was with the few people I spoke to.

    Good luck with your decision and also know that you will find a great amount of support here at BellyBelly.

  13. #13

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Mt Druitt, Sydney
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    id just like to wish you good luck with whatever decision you choose!

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Sunny Sunny Gold Coast
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    Can I ask, who is they? Why are 'they' telling you these things?

    I don't believe that there is any reason you couldn't do it alone, that is just my personal opinion. I was raised without my father around and I turned out fine (mostly! lol).

    Obviously, these two little babies are very much wanted by you, and I think you have a whole boat load of love and attention to give to them.

    In the end it all comes down to you, what you feel will be best for yourself and for your babies. Fine if he doesn't want a part of it. I'm sure there is someone out there who is just waiting to meet you and sweep you off your feet.... I watch a lot of movies during the day too.

    Look, I don't know if what I've said is helpful or just blabber, but its up to you. And try to ignore what 'they' say. 'They' wouldn't know child raising if it bit them on their ass. No offense to 'they' s people. I was told lots by 'they' s during my pregnancy. Now 'they' try to call me so they can see my DD.

    Yah huh. Keep walkin.

    Best of luck, sorry that I rambled on.

  15. #15
    CaughtGypsy Guest

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    Lozza,

    I haven't anything to add that will help your plight right now that is different to anything above. What I will say is that whatever you decide, fortify yourself with people who will support your decision. Right now, you need people around you who will help you cope which ever way you go. Avoid people who are focussing on thier needs for a while and it will help you work out what is best for you.

    In the past I have tried to justify myself to those types - it is not worth it. Workout what you want/need and focus on people who will help you get to that point.

    Good luck!

  16. #16

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    Lozza, do whats is right for you. No matter what, you will always have support from freinds and family, as well as the whole BB community. I hope yuo can work out what you wish to do. Falling pregnant is a miracle and i hope you can enjoy it as much as most of us are or have done.

  17. #17

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Cloud nine :D
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    hey Lozza,
    Sorry to hear about you present situation... Just take a deep breath and have a good think about what YOU want and what would be best for YOUR babies... You will make the right decision...

    I am 20yrs old too... And my partner left me also, I am now 20weeks pregnant, and do not regret the decision whatsoever, the feeling of have a bubs kicking you and moving around is absolulty amazing~ I am scared about whether i can do this on my own, buti'm sure that i can - an i won't be alone... i'll have blob with me

    Take care, and all the best xoxox

  18. #18

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    No! You must do what you want to do! Don't let people tell you how to live your life, if you do terminate because of the pressure given by others, it will be something you will regret for the rest of your life. Married, defacto, single - it doesn't matter because it is a tough job either way, yes more so harder with twins or being single and surly the combination of both has been done successfully before! We do things because we HAVE to, so you will be very surprised of just how easily you adapt with two little babies and being alone.

    I had my DD when I was 20 and she is the greatest! I'm very lucky that it was only dp's family who reacted badly. And to be honest I don't think she was as difficult as what people make out babies are - so I wish you all the best of luck

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