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Thread: Looking Younger & Annoying older in-laws

  1. #1

    Default Looking Younger & Annoying older in-laws

    Dh and I were married in Australia in October 2004. We are now living in Germany, and have been for about 1 year now. I find that The girls here look much older than what they really are! My point being. Im 21 years old, and i still get asked for Id here. Meaning, i must look about 17 years old.

    Ever since i became pregnant I feel like i have to hide from society. Its really depressing. I know people look at me funny, point and whisper with whoever they are with. Here in Germany, its VERY rare to be married with a child on the way at 21. most people my age are studying, partying and sleeping around. however, dh and I want nothing more than to start a family and settle down. We have already done the whole "travel b4 kids" thing, can financially afford it, and are absolutely over the moon that we will be soon meeting our little boy. I know that i should be proud, but there is still that feeling inside of me that thinks that everyone is looking down on me, thinking that i am much younger than what i am.



    I really need to get over this, and tell those people that think they know better just to bugger off, but im a shy person!

    I am also having alot of problems with the In-laws. They are older (nearly 60), and were 30 when they had their first child. They dont understand why we want to have children "so young". They think that Ben is an accident, and we havent had the guts to tell them that he wasnt. MIL thinks she knows better, and because we have a communication problem (she knows no english, and my german isnt that great), she doesnt know me at all, and has no idea that i do actually know what im doing! So she feels like she has to look after us, and take control of the whole "getting everything ready for bubs" thing. Most of her "advice" is more like "dictation", and is so out of date its dangerous sometimes!! Its driving me INSANE!

  2. #2
    Pietta Guest

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    Oh Kaydee how frustrating!!

    I always get 'that' look atm with Ryley. My only advice may be to learn German!! hehe

    I hope it works out for you. Have you discussed this with DH?

  3. #3

    Default

    I have talked to Dh about it. He is very supportive and is so proud that he will soon be a daddy! He tells me to just ignore comments that i dont want to hear from MIL, and does his best to put her back in her place. MIL can be really nice and caring most of the time, but i think she just wants to help too much.

    As for the "looks", im trying to re-program my mind from negative thoughts, to positive thoughts. that helps alot. In the past few days ive noticed lots of people giving me really nice looks, more like "awww, she is going to have a baby!!" rather than "oh my god, look at her" looks. And that is just the best feeling!

  4. #4
    Pietta Guest

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    It's amazing what the change in your psyche can do.
    Good on you for being positive!!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Sydney
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    Katie - I'm 29 in a few weeks and I always get "and your going to be a mum as such a young age" - ummmmm no I usually reply. I am of an average age to be a first time mum and have fabulous genes!!!!!!!!

    I hate comments about age and babies - when I got married at 22 people always asked me if I thought I was too young. If I thought that would I have actually gotten married I generally say back to them. I wasnt forced!!!!!!

    My DH and I have both travlled a lot, he has his own business, we own our home, have investments, great cars and still people ask us if we are old enough for babies! I mean what do they want us to do wait until we are in our 40's when its harder to fall pregnant or something? (please no offence to older mums - I was mearly using an example)

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,244

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    There is no right time for anything for some people!!

    No matter what choices you make or which circumstances you find yourself in, there is always someone who thinks you should have done it some other way or at some other time. I don't know if that is any reassurance to you at the moment though!

  7. #7

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    wow teena, i didnt realise you have been married for so many years before you decided to have a baby! That would have been so hard for me! I suppose you are a "career girl"

    Melbo - i know what you mean. There are critics everywhere!

    when i told my parents we are expecting my mother replied with a scream and "oh, finally! its about time!!"... My sister was so excited that her children will now have a cousin. Since dh and i got married my family were constantly asking "so, whens the baby coming??". Dhs family were the complete opposite. Im so lucky to have such a supportive family and close group of friends.. its just such a shame they are all on the other side of the world!

  8. #8

    Default

    wow teena, i didnt realise you have been married for so many years before you decided to have a baby! That would have been so hard for me! I suppose you are a "career girl"

    Melbo - i know what you mean. There are critics everywhere!

    when i told my parents we are expecting my mother replied with a scream and "oh, finally! its about time!!"... My sister was so excited that her children will now have a cousin. Since dh and i got married my family were constantly asking "so, whens the baby coming??". Dhs family were the complete opposite. Im so lucky to have such a supportive family and close group of friends.. its just such a shame they are all on the other side of the world!

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