IKWYM. I am the first of my friends by far to get married and have kids. I feel like I'm old fashioned. I always wanted to be a SAHM but atm they are all focused on their career. I feel like there are a lot more people my age doing what they're doing rather than having kids. And I'm not even that young anymore! They all seem to be on the same page with their partner though.
I was the first of my friends too and I was 20 when I became pregnant with my first. And I had some pretty weird things said to me. It's normal. You aren't weird at all.
I was the first out of my friendship group too.
I was 24 when I got married and 25 when I had DD.
A good friend had her baby 3 months after me.
My DH is 5 years older than me, and was ready for marriage and kids on the first date!
I don't think there is any right or wrong way, just different priorities and feelings.
Some of my male friends are approaching 30, and are still doing the same type of thing we were doing at 18.
They literally have not changed (or grown up) at all.
You are not odd, and neither am i ! but i certainly wasn't ready for kids when i was in my teens or early 20's. At this time, i also can't see me continuing to procreate in my late 30's or 40's, but can understand how that is the best time for other women.
You're not weird or old fashioned at all! Everyone has different priorities in life. There are pro's and con's with having children younger or older.
I've always wanted to be younger mum. I think the pro's outweigh the cons. My mum is 42, she is fitter than me and we have a fantastic relationship because there really is not much of a generational gap. We do so much together because she is able. A lot of my friends mum's are in their 60's, and while they're close, it's different. They don't do the things I'm able to do with my mum. They don't relate because they're from a very conservative generation. I want to be able to do things with my kids. My dad is 53, I'm closer to him than my mum probably (just our personalities I guess), so definitely not older but still a got a bit on my mum, but he's fit and he'll be able to go down to the park and kick the footy with his grandchildren. DH's parents are 54 & 50, the kids are 32, 30 and 28. So we both grew up similar so were on the same page. Also, DH is 30 and we do not want to leave it any later! We use my parents as a guide, as my dad was 30 when I was born and 36 when the youngest was born.
If you wait until you're 35/40, and your kids wait till they're 35/40, you're going to be a pretty frail boring grandma! (general 'you' btw). I guess I have a lot of focus on grandparents as I never had any around growing up and I'd love that for my children.
As for other younger girls who prefer to party and wait to have kids, good on them for being honest! At least they're not having kids, dumping them with grandparents and partying. The men should respect that, especially if they're around the same age. If they were pushing 30 like my DH I'd understand the desire. Most couples I know it's the man wanting children. It's not weird at all but I do believe there is a bit of naivity involved.
I don't think young or old is weird or abnormal. A lot of the time its circumstances. A lot of older mums (ie me) aren't in a position to have children earlier. I didn't meet my DH until I was 35. I was ready for kids earlier but the men in and out of my life either weren't the right ones or there were other things working against me/us, so it all happened much later for me.
Younger women might have a career that they have spent years studying for and only just begun, and want to pursue before taking time out for children. The good old thought that as far as women go you're born, go to school, get married to a 'good' boy from a 'good' family and have kids is thankfully a dead and buried belief for most. If you want a career you should definitely pursue it. Hey, even if you want to be selfish as some have called it and spent your 20s partying then you should do that too. Having said that, if you're young and you and your other half want kids now then go for it. What is right is going to be different for all of us, but nothing could be worse than having a child before you're ready just to fit in with either some social norm or with your partner's wishes.
i was the 1st from school era friends to have a kid, but 5th person/couple to get married, i think that is an anomaly with my friends tho cos people are always shocked that so many of us are married. there is one other couple my age with a DS a few weeks younger than our DS. most people i know, married or not, DH's age or mine are still going out like they have just turned 18. i think it depends a lot of the particular sub-culture you are raised in, as well as your parents experiences and views but it does vary from person to person as well. as lady neon said, good on the girls who are saying heck no to kids atm rather than doing what other people want from them.
It is interesting. Personally, I wasn't ready and had it been more of a choice, I would have waited and might never have had children. I had my first at 21 (single parent) and my second at 24. I only met my now DP at 23 though, I think I would have liked to have had time as just a couple and think about children closer to 30 (never could have happened though as we have always had my beautiful DD1 and in the end, I'm glad we rustled up a sister for her quick smart lol). I love my girls and there are heaps of benefits to being young, I'm glad it all sort of worked out this way.
I also think in some cases it can be easier for a male to want children because they don't have to go through the physical changes. I don't just mean pregnancy and birth either, my DP is already talking about the next but the thought of extending my breastfeeding another few years (been 3yrs so far and my baby probably has another couple to go so adding another few onto that) is a little terrifying to me! I'd love another baby in theory but the memories of all that entails is a little too fresh still. It can also be easy to say things like they would be happy to be the stay at home parent if it isn't a reality they will ever have to face. I can't say whether any of that is relevant for the couples you mentioned though.
It can be hard when couples don't agree, leaving one party to wait for the other but I also think it pays to make sure both are into it from the get go. Parenting is hard enough without feeling like you're doing it for someone else and not yourself. Children are a big commitment, lifelong and I think people are wise to wait until they have that urge because there is no going back.
Different strokes and all that. Nothing abnormal with having children young, nothing abnormal with waiting. You only get one life, have to live it for yourself and not what anyone else thinks you should or should not be doing. I can't remember having any comments about my age though even being the first of my friends.
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! but i certainly wasn't ready for kids when i was in my teens or early 20's. At this time, i also can't see me continuing to procreate in my late 30's or 40's, but can understand how that is the best time for other women.
and we have a fantastic relationship because there really is not much of a generational gap. We do so much together because she is able. A lot of my friends mum's are in their 60's, and while they're close, it's different. They don't do the things I'm able to do with my mum. They don't relate because they're from a very conservative generation. I want to be able to do things with my kids. My dad is 53, I'm closer to him than my mum probably (just our personalities I guess), so definitely not older but still a got a bit on my mum, but he's fit and he'll be able to go down to the park and kick the footy with his grandchildren. DH's parents are 54 & 50, the kids are 32, 30 and 28. So we both grew up similar so were on the same page. Also, DH is 30 and we do not want to leave it any later! We use my parents as a guide, as my dad was 30 when I was born and 36 when the youngest was born.
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