Hi!!
I'm doing my grad dip in maternity, and as part of my assessment we have to present a seminar at the hosptials on a topic of interest.
I've always been interested in young mums, esp. teenage pregnancies, and the support/lack of support they recieve. which is slim to none, and I feel you might need more support than older parents.
So I'm thinking of doing mine on that, I'm still not 100% but would like to hear from young parents, their experiences, anythings specifically I can focus on, if people think it is an issue etc...
thanks guys!!!!
I was 17 when I fell pg with DD1, 20 with DD2. Had them at 18 & 21.
IME there is no real support, too much descrimination. Its not easy. Being young is hard enough, add peoples assumptions to it, & the lack of people to talk to & support.
I was 19 when I fell pregnant with DS.
I've also had severe PND and that was even more of a struggle through the awful systems.
Let me know if you want any info. xo
If anyone could share their stories that would be great, on here or feel free to pm or email me. I need as much information as possible and really want to know what people went through.
Lulu - yea I only know of one though where i am (midwife led) and one doula ran one. I'm in the ACT and I think that is all we have.
In regards to support what type of things would people want/find useful. Like do you think that going to highschools and talking to classmates and teachers about teenage pg would be useful?
also where would young people most likely find information, I know the internet is a big one...but this sort of thing it's only if you are looking for it. I'm sure alot of young mums wouldn't know if there any let alone what support is out there.
Hi there Not sure exactly what sort of thing you are after... but here goes...
I was 20 when I fell pregnant with Brendan and 20 when he was born. He was also born premature (30+1 weeks) and in the first 9 months no-one (medical personal) took me seriously. I always felt looked down on and also got the feeling they were thinking 'what would you know'.
During my hospital stay(in Perth) prior to giving birth (I was admitted at 28 weeks after my waters broke) a lot of the midwives in the hospital treated me like a child, or as if I'd done something majorly wrong. I also got looks from them when I would say that Brendan was planned. One even saying to me, 'you are too young to plan a pregnancy'!
When I sought help for BFing issues I was simply told to 'keep trying' they wouldn't even listen to my concerns about Brendan and his feeding. It also didnt help that I lived in a small country town with only one doctor and one CHN. Neither of which had any experience with premature babies.
I've also found, in my experience, that when I say my children were born premature alot of people assume it was because of drugs, smoking, alcohol ect. I dont know whether thats because my age, or because of all the attention focussed on drugs and their relation to premature birth, or a combination of both.
I cant think of anything else right now... but feel free to PM me if you have any questions
I fell pregnant with DS when I was 15, had him when I was 16. I am now 19, married (very happily might I add ) and TTC number 2. I do get alot of shocked responses when I tell my age, also get asked alot if DS is my brother (he looks alot like me so could easily be confused as my bro) but overall I havent had many bad experiences. When I gave birth to my son, I had a really rude midwife, I thought at the time that it might have been because of my age, but there were other reasons she might have been rude to me, I was also told later on that alot of ladies have had bad experiences with her
when I was about 12-13 years old, people always thought I was about 17-18, so maybe I look older than I am.
sorry, not much help from me, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask
I think its great that you are doing this about young mums, really needed
Well I fell pg with DD1 at 17. My mum was very disappointed. Threatened to put me in the car & force me to terminate. She'd already done that once 3 months before.
DH & I had been together over 12 months & were very happy about it. It wasn't planned, but not an accident either iykwim.
So my mum was the biggest hurdle. I never spoke a word to her through the whole pregnancy about anything to do with the baby. She made me feel like she didn't want to know.
Her & MIL were there for the birth though, along with DH & I wouldn't have gotten through without them.
In hospital I felt left out... My MW's in labour were great, but nurses in maternity never really acknoweledged me. Well me they did, but DD1 didn't get much attention. The baby next to me was gorgeouse & beautiful, but mine was just another baby. Made me feel pretty low TBH.
People who knew me were great. Never questioned anything I did, but I got the odd person say something to me. Once I had her out of the car for 5 minutes to pick up a pizza. It was winter & cold, but I didn't have a hat or beanie on DD. An old lady told me off for it. Even though I was in & out & not knowing I had a heater in the car, so she would've been too hot with a hat.
When pg with DS, even though I was 23/24, people were always surprised when they tried to offer me advice & I said I already had 2 at home. Then lost interest in talking to me.
People asking me what I do, me answering 'I'm a mum', them saying, 'yeah, but what do you do??'
Disapproving looks when shopping, people not realising that I am still with the father of my first child. Wondering why her hair is blonde (she gets it from him!)
For me though, the hardest thing is friends. Its hard to get childless friends of any age to understand what its like having kids, but when your friends still go to school & live with mum & dad with pocket money & the washing up as their only responsibility it gets harder.
Even now, we have friends with only 1 child & very supportive parents who refuse to accept that 3 is harder than one (she actually told me 3 is easier!!) Her mum babysits whenever she clicks her fingers...mine can't. She works full time & DS is still BFed, so will want me during the night. Then there's the whole money issue...we are only just getting by. They are doing ok, so don't get why we can't stay at resorts, or go out when ever thay want us too.
Sorry, that went on a bit. I've never gone to mothers groups because I've never fit in. I didn't go to prenatal classes. I didn't really know anything about that sort of stuff.
Last edited by ~clover~; July 23rd, 2009 at 10:20 PM.
I definitely agree that there's a ridiculous stigma attached to young parents these days - I was 20 when I fell pregnant with DD1 (who, FWIW, was planned and very much wanted), but I still was made to feel quite often by people that I was doing something wrong or that I was too young, stupid and naive to make a good mother.
My GP was great - he knew me before I fell pg and I never felt judged. The staff at the hospital where I received shared care and gave birth, however...
For instance, I devoured all the information I could find about pregnancy, labour, birth and post-natal care. But the midwives who handled me at the hospital never listened to me, seemed shocked when I came into appointments with a list of things I wished to discuss with them and argued with their 'expert' opinions if I felt that they were ignoring my concerns and wishes and wanted to choose another path (bear in mind my pregnancy was completely textbook and complication-free, it's not like I was demanding a homebirth when I had pre-eclampsia, for example - I was not being unreasonable in my requests, but they treated me like I was a moron and acted like nobody under the age of 30 is able to educate themselves and know their own bodies).
After I gave birth, I nearly bled to death and ran into difficulty with breastfeeding. One midwife I had was great - she tried to help me stay positive and find a solution (sadly, my body needed to heal itself before focusing on making milk, so despite my best efforts DD1 ended up on formula). Another midwife, however, was a real cow about it - alternately telling me to 'just give up' because 'you're going to have enough to deal with when you go home without trying to BF when you're useless at it', and then turning around and refusing to give DD1 a comp feed of formula when she'd been screaming for hours on end and I was at the end of my rope with frustration and feeling like a failure - 'Nope, you reckon you want to BF, so do it - babies cry, that's just part of the whole parenting thing'.
When I had DD2, it was a beautiful delivery - I was up and walking around within minutes, and asked to be discharged within a couple of hours. BFing was already halfway established (enough so that I felt entirely confident I could take it from there, and if it didn't happen, I had bottles and a pump ready at home to put to good use), I felt amazing and knew I would be better off in the comfort of my own home where I could relax. The midwife, when I asked her to get the doctor to come and see me to discuss early discharge, snorted and said, 'You're dreaming - you had a big bleed'. 'No I didn't, I delivered the placenta and went to have a shower.' 'Yes you did, it's in your notes, you're not going anywhere for at least 48 hours.' 'Umm, no - I had a bleed *last* time because I was induced, this labour was spontaneous and I feel fine, no bleeding.' 'Don't get smart with me - your notes say you lost a lot of blood so you're just going to have to deal with it.'
Well, I think I would, you know, REMEMBER bleeding half to death a couple of hours ago, wouldn't you? She refused to even fetch the doctor to speak to me, I had to get up and go find another midwife to help me out (and sure enough, the doctor flipped through my records, asked me two questions, told me to take some Vitamin C tablets and told me to go home lol).
At home, the midwives came around twice over the next two weeks to check in, and seemed disbelieving that I was coping okay with everything. Then they got up me for co-sleeping, telling me I'd 'never forgive myself if I rolled on her', and then got shirty when I asked them what they actually knew about the statistics of co-sleeping and SIDS if the parents were following the 'rules' (ie not smoking/drinking/drugging, weren't overtired and weren't sleeping in a waterbed etc). Like, 'How dare you know more than we do, or how dare you not do exactly as we tell you - we're the experts, we know better'.
I went to high school with a girl who was pregnant with her first child at 17. Get this - the principal of the school expelled her. The official word was that the student was 'disruptive' (ha! No more 'disruptive' than half the other students, definitely not enough of a pain to warrant even a suspension, let alone exclusion!), but we all knew it was because the principal thought she was 'making the school look bad'. Bear in mind this was not some prestigious private school - it was a public school that had a fair proportion of students from not-so-desirable homes and backgrounds. The principal, for whatever reason, just had something against teen mothers and took out his own issues on this poor student. THe principal also disciplined the yearbook committee for daring to include a photo of the heavily pregnant student at a school disco - 'What are the other parents going to think of this school when they see *that*?!'
I just think the stigma surrounding young and teen parents is so unjustified. Sure, not all teens make good parents, but then I can think of *plenty* of instances that have been in the media where a person over the age of 25 has also proved to be a terrible parent. Age is not an indicator in how good your parenting skills are going to be, and society needs to get over its hang-up when it comes to young mums (and dads).
I think we often gripe about how society is making kids grow up too fast, but in some ways I think the problem is that we're actually infantilising children who are almost adults. Only in western society do 'teenagers' actually exist - in other cultures, you are a child, and then you are an adult - no in between.
Our grandparents commonly married in their late teens or early 20's and started families soon after - and it appears they did a decent enough job of it, so why is it now suddenly 'disgusting' to have a family before you're 30? We would never dream of asking a mother who is in her 30's whether she is 'still with the father', or whether her children all 'belong to the same bloke' - yet it's common for older parents to be single or have children from different relationships... but that's somehow okay?
Lol ugh, sorry for the rant... I just have a real problem with people assuming and judging based solely on the fact that I chose a family over a career. Motherhood is generally undervalued throughout society, but younger parents really bear the brunt of it.
Anyway, to add something to what you actually want from us rather than just getting on my horse about being mistreated for being young... yes, I think young parents DO need more support, purely BECAUSE society places such a stigma on being a young parent. If that stigma didn't exist, we would need no different support than a first-time mum who is 32. I feel that young parents are more prone to screw up or need help because they're aware all eyes are on them, waiting for them to make a mistake, and they kind of stumble, kwim? Younger people can get so confused, and not know who to trust - I'm lucky in that I have great familial support (oh, they weren't happy at first lol, let me tell you, but they soon came around and now they can see I'm doing a great job), and I'm confident enough to ask for help/advice when I need it, rather than trying to prove I can do it on my own. That's where another problem lies, I think - young parents are so determined to show everyone that they can do it, they don't always seek help or listen to good advice when they need it.
Last edited by Glamourcide; July 24th, 2009 at 09:12 AM.
Yeah there is definitely a stereo class that pops into people's head when you say young parents. Especially young single mums. Which is really sad to think people judge so easy. I myself am a single father to my son who turns 3 in a couple of weeks. It?s been just me and him since his mother and I separated when he was 2 weeks old. She isn't a part of his life and we haven't seen or heard from her in 2 years. But I think being a young single father I don't get looked down upon as much as young single mothers. Which makes no sense to me at all?
I was only 18 when my son was born and was a huge change in my life. Definitely had to mature quickly and everything soon revolved around being a father and not the normal things guys are doing at my age, like clubbing and drinking every weekend. And when his mother and I separated when he was only 2 weeks old and left and moved to a place over an hour away from us. That was definitely a huge challenge. Thinking back now I'm not sure how I did it all. As before my son was born I hadn't even really held a baby before let alone looked after one. Plus I was now living on my own in my house, so my parents weren't there for back up. (But they did live close by which was good for me.)Things actually went really smoothly. I was very lucky to have a son, that was as perfect as a baby could be, never got sick, always feed well and was sleeping through the night at a young age.
But what I found very strange about it all was the lack of support from the hospital or support workers. When my ex partner was pregnant, she was seeing a support worker at the hospital as they her midwife seen early warning signs she may not cope, which turned out to be right in the end... But after we separated, she moved away and I didn't hear anything from the hospital about them offering any support or advice for me. After all, I was only an 18 year old male with a 2 week old baby on my own. I would have thought they might have been keen to offer help. But they didn't. I did have the usual maternity nurse visits but that was about it. She suggested that I joined a young mums group that was near by where I lived. So I went there to inquire about joining and was told I was unable to join as I was a male. So I looked into joining a fathers group, but unfortunately there where none.
So I just gave up on the idea. I wasn't in need of desperate help or advice or anything. Just after a friendly ideas and a nice conversation. I was one of the lucky ones as I said, things went really well for me and being a parent just seemed to suit me. But it makes me think about the people out there that might not have had it that good, and really needed the extra support. I just hope they found it, as it seems you really need to go out there and really search for it. It's not something that?s just offered, which I think it should be. Maybe handing out packs of information solely about support available before leaving the hospital.
There are so many bad stories we all hear about young parents. I think more needs to go into the education and support to try reduce these acts from happening... As maybe if it was another guy instead of me in my same situation, that could have been turned out completely different.
I fell pregnant with #1 when i was 14 and gave birth at 15. Now expecting #2 and currently 17 and bub will be born when im 18. People are shocked to learn how young i am as i dont look my age i have always looked older. I didnt get too much grief during my 1st pregnancy, The hospital was great and the midwives asked me what i wanted to do and listened to me. Everything went great, I had no problems everything was text book. My mum wasnt supportive untill i was almost due to give birth, But my Dad shocked me and he supported me since i told him. Being so young was a bit of a challenge and yes it was hard but we got through it. People ask me "are you still with the father" like they are expecting me to say no, Actually yes i am and plan to be for a long time. I had more problems with my friends then with anyone else, Once you have a baby all your friends are "too busy" for you or you just dont hear from them ever again. It deffinately shows you who your true friends are.
Having been there and done that (well doing it again lol) i wish all young parents good luck. Its not easy but its deffinately worth it.
I was 16 when I fell PG with DD1 (unplanned), 17 when she was born. I was about 6 mths PG when I graduated high school.
I was 19 when I fell PG with DS1 (planned) and 20 when he was born.
TBH I was very lucky, I didn't feel a lot of judgement from family, school or health workers, Drs etc.
I never expected to be judged or treated differently, and so I probably wasn't as sensitive to any prejudice IYKWIM - if I got it, I never noticed
A lot of this is owing to the support I got from mum, I cannot fault her in the slightest, the help & support she gave me, and from the school. They never treated me any differently. I had teachers congratulate me on my pregnancy & one of them gave me pregnancy book. Mothers of my friends gave me bags of clothing, etc etc.
My local MCHN was great, she was so warm & again, she never made me feel like I was anything less than any other mother.
I guess if I look at my experience as being a really easy adjustment for me, I can see that it would not have been, had it not been for that support.
So I think if there's anything young mums really need it's initial support - someone or somewhere to go to know that it can & will be ok, and that there's help, and that not everyone will judge them.
It might sound strange but I really do think that if I received any judgement I was oblivious to it & that helped enormously.
The only thing I would really have liked that I didn't get was more support to continue my education. Not the school's fault, there was another girl in yr 1o when she had her baby, the school made allowances for her to be able to continue & she graduated - but because I was at the end of high school it was too easy to let my university hopes slip away. The principle tried to talk me into continuing but he was the only one & at that stage to me it all seemed too hard.
At one stage I was considering starting a group for young mums where I used to live - the MCHN was backing me on that, but it didn't happen. I still think it might be a good thing though especially in areas where there are a lot of young mums.
I ended up going to playgroup with one of my old teachers - she wanted me to talk at the high school about the reality of being a young mum - I never ended up doing it for a few reasons, one of which was she wanted me to tell everyone how awful it was & I didn't want to be so negative about it.
What would that do to a girl who listened to me & then found herself PG? What a way to make her feel confident that her life's not in the toilet
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Young mums
Not sure exactly what sort of thing you are after... but here goes...
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