Thanks for the replies Mrs Mac and Blinky. I haven't replied for a while because my mood got lower and I felt more overwhelmed since I wrote my post, and I've been trying to bounce back. I'm feeling a bit better now and appreciate the replies.

Mrs Mac I'm glad your IVF was successful, I always like to hear success stories! I do see how my desire for a baby SHOULD override feelings of having to put my life on hold, and mostly it does. But sometimes....I guess it would be different if I already had a partner, because I definitely feel like IVF and meeting my life partner aren't really going to be happening at the same time. For now, I have to put meeting a life partner on hold, because I want a family - ironic eh...

Blinky - I'm glad you can identify with being in a holding pattern. Yes, even though the money isn't meant to be a big deal (desire for a child should be everything etc), it's just So Expensive for such a very long time. You have to be financially vulnerable at the same time as being emotionally, physically and socially vulnerable (friends with babies etc). It's just so unsettling, in a chronic way. But great idea about the trip! I'm definitely considering a decent length break - somewhere with a totally different climate and people and environment, possibly a big walking trip, just to feel like I can rely on my body again. I almost don't have faith in it these days - like because it can't grow a baby it can't do ANYTHING I need from it. It's an unhelpful and hopeless way to look at it, but those negative thoughts keep coming up lately. I do worry that a trip might lose me a vital month when maybe it would have worked, but I don't know - mental health is definitely equally if not more important than physical in IVF, at least from my experience.

Apologies again for replying late, I hope everyone is well