Blended family question

[Sammiejane]

Firstly, If an adoption order was granted your daugther father would cease to be her legal parent. This would end to any rights her father may have to custody, guardianship or access to her ect. If he is seeing her every second weekend I don't think he would sign away his rights, even if he did, it wouldn't be easy to get though court. I don't think it would be fair to take your daugther's father away from her either. She can still have a relationship with your DF but I think its important for her to have her father as well.

You should be able to change her name but I think you will need her father's permission, you just apply to Births, Deaths and Marriages.

:yeahthat:
Exactly what i was going to write.
We looked into this a few years ago, but as saslia said we decided not to go any further as the mother is still around.

It is fantastic that your DP feels so strongly about your children, but what are you hoping to achieve by the adoption process, your would still want the father to be part of your DD's life wouldnt you (sorry, but from your post it didnt seem that there was an issue of your DD seeing her Dad)

I can understand the name change, but is it what your DD wants? we have always discussed that if a name change was an issue and DSS requested one (due to having the same name as siblings etc) then it would be at his request, not for another reason.

i guess what i am saying is, weigh up the issues and look at the reasons behind trying to do something like this. Is it for ease (same name), legal easy (issues with your DP being able to sign for your DD etc etc) or just because it completes your family unit. None of the reasons are negative if they are done for the right reasons.... like most things, when it comes to children the impact that it will have on their life should be considered above all other issues and then a decision should be made.

HTH

[echidna]

Thanks everyone.

So adoption cancels out her father, so I wouldn't consider that.

But as for the name change, it would be so that we both have the same surname and her sibling will have the same surname too, less confusing by the time school comes around. Currently I'm Echidna Brown, DF is Wombat Jones and DD is Possum Smith. Three surnames, very confusing. I'll talk to her father about it later, when we're significantly UTD.

[HotI]

It is possible for a child to use an alternative surname at school. A friend's legal surname was smith-jones (birthsurname-permanent carer's surname), but at school she just went by Jones.

Another mate went through all her schooling with surname Brown (her step-father's surname), only to find out when she was in her 20s and getting married and applying for a passport that her legal name was Green. Created a lot of difficulty because she had bank accounts, uni degree etc in the name Brown and couldn't just use her marriage certificate to change over to her married name Blue (because she had her legal name Green listed).

Messy, just messy.

So maybe don't use my first suggestion at all...

[Inertia]

It is possible for a child to use an alternative surname at school. A friend's legal surname was smith-jones (birthsurname-permanent carer's surname), but at school she just went by Jones.

Another mate went through all her schooling with surname Brown (her step-father's surname), only to find out when she was in her 20s and getting married and applying for a passport that her legal name was Green. Created a lot of difficulty because she had bank accounts, uni degree etc in the name Brown and couldn't just use her marriage certificate to change over to her married name Blue (because she had her legal name Green listed).

Messy, just messy.

So maybe don't use my first suggestion at all...

My schools dont use the name we keep telling them to, and its REALLY annoying the kids. On the form I write Angel Jones (Nee: Smith) - and they write everything out as Angel Smith. She hates it. Mr Smith signed away all his legal rights and responsibilities 10 years ago and has made no effort to initiate contact with the kids since - and they want to be Jones', like their mum, like the man who has been their father for just under 9 years, like their siblings. The schools refuse to play ball. its very disappointing for them.

[BrightSparkles]

Ok...
So i was 5 when my step dad came onto the scene.
From the age of about 9 i started using his name instead of my biological dad. My step dad was still able to sign my forms for school etc etc etc.
My dad wouldn't sign papers for me to legally change my name so according to BDMs I was still going by my biologically dads name until i was 18 when i was able to change it without his signature (which I did).

I did have trouble getting my passport and medicare card etc etc because I was using my step dads name and not my biological dads name because I only had my birth certificate in my old name and EVERYTHING else was in my new name, including my school records, bank records, tax records everything. I had to provided stat decs etc to say that the two names were actually the same person. Now, having changed my name it makes it easier as i don't have to provide ID in my old name.

So I guess my advice would be to weigh up how much trouble it could cause and how what it means and takes for you to change it.

Good luck with it.
Hugs
Xx

[echidna]

I'll see how things go after we have our next bub, and closer to when DD starts school. Thanks for all your help.

[ladybird11]

Just wondering - would that mean child support payments could be ceased - if (as what others have said) the child was adopted - as the parental rights were signed to the new step parent??

Further to that, DF has two kids from a previous and his ex has recently changed her surname back to her maiden name (only found this out by reading the CSA papers) - and DF is concerned that the ex has (or might) also change the childrens surnames back to her maiden name also, just to p**s DF off. On the BDM website it mentions if the parent can't get in contact to gain the other parents permission then it could be decided by BDM to change the surname, without the others permission....