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Thread: FOUR!

  1. #1
    pholmes Guest

    Default FOUR!

    Hi,

    just a quick vent really,

    I am pregnant with my fourth child. (7th pregnancy but baby is viable) DH and I were really excited but I have had so many people comment about having FOUR! Or about how close the last three will be together it has made me anxious and taken away some of the excitement. My Ob commented as well but we know each other well enough for me to know she was only mucking around as she then told me her sister has just had her 8th.



    Why do other people feel the need to pass judgement?:mad:

  2. #2

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    I had this and I've only got 3! I expect to get the same if we do decide for a 4th.
    CONGRATULATIONS ON No 4!

  3. #3

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    Congratulations on number 4! I have 7 so you can imagine the comments I get, but I know how lucky I am so I don't care

  4. #4

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    Congratulations Peta on your pregnancy. I think once you go 3 four is not much different. Although you do need the bigger car and stuff like that.

    Who really cares what anyone else thinks. Somedays I would really love to have another baby too, DP won't be in it though.

    People pass judgement because that is just what we do. There is always something that we are passing judgement on, seeing as how we are all so very perfect and all

    Don't let anyone ruin your excitement about this pregnancy and baby. It is just as special as your first, second and third baby.

    Oh yeah, fingers crossed for some pink for you too hun. I got pink on my fourth bub

  5. #5

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    congratulations!

    yup, people are generally tactless and dont think about how their idle comments can effect others.im particularly good at that when i cant think of something better to say!
    either ignore them, it's not a personal attack - it's their problem/opinion only, or reply back with something equally as tactless, like 'geez that dress makes you look tubby:P

  6. #6
    pholmes Guest

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    Thanks Guys,

    As naive as this sounds I wasnt really expecting it. Im Catholic so Im used to seeing big families around and its not an issue. Most of the comments have come from DH's family, we were even referred to as "rabbits". I thought about it after and none of them have anymore than 2 so I supppose its to be expected.

    I feel lucky too Natalie, especially after the 3 m/cs.
    Thanks for the pink thoughts Trish, every little bit counts.
    Thanks for the advice Joh, I can be tactless sometimes as well.

    Im feeling more excited already!

  7. #7

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    Congrats sweetie on bubs 4# Im now 31 weeks with bubs 4# and yes DH & I get all the comments too, but they way i like to see is that i have 4 wonderful little people that love me no matter what i beleive that brings out the green eyed monster in people to see DH and do so well for ourselfs $$$ and have enough love between us that we have enough to go around our 4 special people.

    kittykat

  8. #8

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    Oh Love bit late reading this sorry but just wanted to say - do you love kids, do you enjoy preparing a little soul for a wonderful life, and being apart of that? I "KNOW" you do, so how lucky are you to have four beautiful little people in your life that you and DH created togetehr! They are just jelous of you, really, if peoiple need to have a nasty comment its becuase they are jelous that you are strong enough and motherly enough to raise a large family and they arn't. The ones who don't say sniggering remarks are the ones who are happy with what they have and don't pass judgement to people like us.

    Now when someone says to me "Gee six, your brave" I say no its not about being brave its about enjoying what I am doing!

    All up this is baby 8 for us, lost two pregnancies though, so its baby six on its way here and I might even have another one later on if I feel like it.


    Four is a beautiful amount, makes a home a home having a family in it and large one at that.

    I could see you with six or seven even abnd you will do a marvellous job with each and everyone of them!

  9. #9

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    thankyou soul for you kinds words i really need to hear them right now. I think this little wonder will be the last for me it seems the more you have the less family support you get. I very lucky i know i am and i am really trying to enjoy this last pregi i cant wait to see her i really love the time in hospital it just me and bubs does that sound weird most people want to get home straight away but not me becouse when i do get home its bussines as usuall not that i could have it any other way its just nice special time that i will remember for life.

    kittykat
    DD kahli 11
    DD siaan 3
    DD macayla 2
    bubs due 17th feb

  10. #10

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    Oh Darlin I think most mamma's feelt hat way, its your break and what a beautiful break than to share it with your new baby and time to get to know each other and bond, just the two of you. I'm the opposite I feel guilty leaving the kids at home well ok thats a lie, just the youngest one!

    Wish I could get over the guilt cause no one gives a damn about me!

    I have no family support and never have I done it all on my own since the age of 16 (had our first child then) and never had any support at all, and you know what, we get through it and only come out stronger for it!Only stop having babies because its what you want not becuase you are worried your family won't approve ok.

  11. #11

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    Although I do not yet belong in this thread (Just had #3), all indicators are that I will belong here in the near future.

    I thought I would share some of our responces from when we were PG with number 3. We had some good friends who were kidding around and asked the famous question "Don't you know what causes this?" My wife replied "Yes and appearantly we like it!" I can assure you the guy was stumped for words. It is a good one to use for any one throwing that question out. The other thing we said alot when people would comment is: "what can I say, were breeders". We would then continue on. Try to not let it get you to down, after all, most these people are not going to end up being close friends any how. The rest will learn to cope.

  12. #12

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    I nearly died when I got our statement from Family Tax benefit whatever it is and it said we get a "large family supplement". I rang them and said "there must be a mistake I've just had #3, so we only have 3 children" The lady said, Oh no thats right, 3 is considered a large family!!! (wt??)
    I think people make rude comments no matter what you do, I get comments about the age gaps which annoys me since they know nothing about my life and don't need to usually.

  13. #13

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    mrsmac - just have more, that will teach them! It's amazing how peoples view points of children somehow should be every one else's. Somethings are obvious like abuse, etc. But the number children? Who really cares as long as the couple loves them and takes care of them why should any one truly care? I don't get it. Oh well, I doubt it will ever make sense to any of us with more children then our neighbors want us to have.
    Last edited by Dustmite; January 16th, 2007 at 02:33 AM. Reason: It was late and my grammer sucked

  14. #14

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    I would love #4, im one of 6 and want more children (have to wait for the right guy to come along now!!) But as im only 22, and had 3 under 3, i got some god awful comments. We didnt want to travel, we wanted to start our family. My mum doesnt even know i lost a bub in nov 06, im too scared to tell her i was pg, even though i was married... its not good, as you get scared of telling people, at a time when you're meant to be excited!!

  15. #15

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    wow its made me feel a lot better reading this thread, we only have 1 bub so far and are ttc#2 but when we got pg with DS my mum (a a lot of others) told us we should only have 1 or 2 so that we could 'have a life"! we used to say we'd like 4 or 5, then we focused on money and thought maybe 2 or 3, but really i think we are breeders too, so who knows what will happen??

    enjoy your pregnancy!!!!!

  16. #16

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    TBH I think people just like to connect with others, so they comment on lots of things, babies the most popular - how big, how little, etc etc( and the size of your bump too ) they dont think before they open their mouths, you know "OMG twins", "oh no another one", and the one that annoys me the most ATM " Oh you finally got your boy"
    I personally have perfected the "doh are you an idiot" look, and throw in a comeback. - "wasnt trying for a boy"
    "you think 4 kids is a lot????"
    "lots more to love"
    "and you have an issue with this - why???? Jealous????"
    I went and saw a different Dr today ( as mine on hols) and she counted the kids as we walked in the door. Then she said to the big girls " I bet you help mummy lots around the house" they looked at her blank, and I said Its MY job to do the housework and raise the others - not theirs. then when I asked for a sick leave day for tonight - she laughed and said "you want to stay home with the 4 kids - surely work would be easier" and the other comment was "OMG you work and have 4 kids" I think she had a major issue, with us, so I asked her - "do you have a problem with me having 4 kids, coz I certainly dont, I love everyminute I spend with them ???" well you should have seen the look on her face - of course she then stumbled out an apology and I left DOH:eek:

  17. #17
    pholmes Guest

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    Hi,

    It seems I am definitely not the only one who gets these comments. The family seemed to have recovered from the news and are now reasonably excited. I have a friend who works and has 4 kids and I admire her but I dont really comment on that to her.

    If anyone had asked me ( a few years ago) if I'd thouoght I would be married and have four kids before I was 32 I would have laughed myself. I dont know what it is but I really enjoy them, sure some days are harder than others but thats life. After I had my third m/c I think I changed as a person and re evaluated what was important to me and its my family. Dh has always wanted a big family so it was never an issue for him. The latest comment I got was after buying a pair of maternity shorts when the lady serving me said "A new baby isnt that wonderful, is this your first?" (my others were with MIL for a couple of hours) I replied "no, this is number four." The response "Oh My God!" I just laughed.

  18. #18

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    I got some of this too. "You're pregnant...again. I thought you just had the baby," (No 3 was 14 months when we fell pg, planned! with no 4).
    What annoyed me the most was that as soon as I had her, people asked if I was going to have another one. Implication being that if you've had 4, you're a "breeder" who's going to go on to have 12 or 13.
    She was a girl after 3 boys and people asked if we had kept on trying until we came up with the girl. Actually we lost a dd, our 3rd baby, at 17 weeks, but most people don't know that. Sometimes when driven to it, I've said, "Actually we already had a daughter before, but she died." They then stop talking.
    My own family are very supportive. I am one of 8. We don't live near them so I don't get actual help, but emotional support is great. DH's immediate family have said nothing but I know they think it's OTT. When I look around at his extended family, no one has more than 2 children.
    I liked being part of a large family and my kids love having four of them. The older boys' friends like seeing the little ones too, and playing with them. One said to me hopefully, "Are you having another baby yet?" I said no and he said "awwww!"

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