thanks carley,
have just found out my dad is making a surprise visit here in jan to see bubs (hope he will be in time) so i might have a chat to him, but he is very defensive of the new wife - i have brought up her behaviour at our wedding and he blamed it on my mother who says of course that she didnt do what she is being accused of....
maybe ill just invite them all, notify each of whose coming and trust that they will play nice for me for one day!!!