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Thread: How have people taken your news

  1. #1
    mum5boys Guest

    Default How have people taken your news

    I am very angry and upset at the moment, I have 5 boys and am due in March with my 6th child.
    I told my mum and sister yesterday and they were both disgusted and horrified, especially my sister. My mum said she is not telling my dad as the news would kill him.
    My mum also said what are you thinking, having so many children in this day and age it is ridiculous.But if she had her way, I wouldn't have had the last 2 boys as she wanted me to stop at 3.
    My sister wanted an explanation as to why we were having another one and then went on to very loudly verbalise her dissaproval whilst I was having a birthday party for my 6 year old son with my friends and school mums there. How embarrassing. S he also said how dissappointed she was with me for having another baby and that she had every right to have an opinion. I knew they weren't going to be happy but they took this news worse than I thought.
    It is not like they have a lot to do with my children, they live an hour away and my 2 younger ones barely know them. They don't help out financially,or in any way.
    DH and I look after our children and do everything ourselves, we don't rely on other people to help us out but if we do need a hand it is always my MIL who is there.
    Thank goodness we have DH's family and they took the news well.

    How have people,family taken your news that you are having more than the expected 2-3 children?


  2. #2

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    Gee, that was a bit harsh of them. The could have handled that a lot more tactfully, despite what their opinions are. They are not the ones who have to feed and clothe and love all these children, so what should it matter to them how many children you want.

    Bah to them, it is their loss that they don't know your children well and this little bundle they will proably know even less. They don't know what they are missing out on.

  3. #3

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    Michelle, how rude of them. I think what Sherie has said is right
    Bah to them, it is their loss that they don't know your children well and this little bundle they will proably know even less. They don't know what they are missing out on.
    My family was fine and happy for us when I decided to have my 3rd and 4th child. Both were planned and we were very happy to be pregnant.

    DP's mother was a bit down on it when I told her that we were TTC Noah, my third and their sons first child. But we didn't care, tough to them. I think she just didn't like the fact I was making babies with her son. They have come around now. I'm not going anywhere so they really have no choice.

    I think it's totally up to you how many children you have. If you want to have 10 then go for it. As long as they are well fed and looked after who's business is it!!!

  4. #4
    tiggy Guest

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    Michelle,

    My parents were both disgusted. My mother just kept saying that my body couldn't handle it but supported me in every other way (this was while I was pregnant with William (no.4). My Dad was so cross. He was cross after I had Lily, thought I should stop with the two I had and consentrate on career and money and didn't come around for 6 weeks after she was born. I was upset at first but in the end, figured it was his loss. He poo pooed me all the way through William's pregnancy and when William died asked me if I had learned my lesson!
    You can just imagine when I announced I was pregnant again with twins!! He made all these rude comments about having to buy a block of apartments to house all my children!
    Anyhow, I had my tubes tied after Ivy and Noah were born and everyone sighed with relief. Now when I say, I would love another one and I am upset that I can't they STILL throw rude comments around!!!

    I guess some people just can't cope with our choices but the way I think about it is that I will ALWAYS have a houseful at Christmas and at birthdays. In years to come (I hope) my house will be full of grandchildren and laughter.
    Career and money aren't everything. I would rather have a home full of love than a house full of things.

    I know that it hurts. It hurt me too when everyone was passing judgement. Especially family, who you just want to be happy for you.
    It's their loss in the end.

  5. #5

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    Oh Tiff. I cant believe that your Dad said that to you when your baby died . That shattered me to read that so I cant imagine how it must have felt to you when you were already heartbroken

    I had a variety of reactions when I announced that I was pregnant with my 6th child. Some people were horrified, some were happy and excited for us. When I told everyone I was pg with my 7th I told them if they weren't happy, I didn't want to hear it. DH and the kids were thrilled and thats all I care about.

    I must say though, if my sister put me on show in front of my childrens friends like that, I wouldn't welcome her back. Its one thing for her to say something like that in private (which is bad enough), but to try and humiliate you is just not on.

  6. #6
    mum5boys Guest

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    Tiff, I am so sorry for your loss and I can't believe that your father said that to you. You must have been so devastated and having to cope with that on top is sooo wrong.
    My heart goes out to you.You must be a strong person to be able to talk to your dad, I don't think I could forgive and forget something like that.

    I agree totally, I can't wait for (a few years yet) all my children and their partners and my grandchildren to come over, especially at christmas. I t will be chaotic but absolutely wonderful.
    Thanks to everyone for your support and understanding, it really helps to get it off your chest and hear others stories and opinions.
    Thank you
    Michelle

  7. #7
    tiggy Guest

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    Guys,
    Don't worry. Of course it hurt and it will forever more but I have so many issues with my father, it's not funny and in the end, I decided it didn't matter what he thought.

    Sadly, he passed away in March this year, so I don't have to worry about what he thinks anymore. I am free from his judgements.
    I just hug my kids a little tighter.

  8. #8

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    Firstly I just want to say how wonderful all of you busy mums are! I cannot believe people THINK it is their right to be so judgemental!

    I must admit that I was one that always wondered why on earth you would have any more than 2 children in this day and age, but after having DS 2, I know I am absolutely not ready to stop having babies, and I seriously doubt that I will be after a third as well!

    My DH and I have already decided that we will definately have NO 3 and he says if we have 3, we have 4! We are both from families with 4 kids, so we know what it is like to grow up in largeer families too, and both of our families still all get together regularly for dinners etc, so Tiff, you are absolutely right, Xmas and birthdays would be so much fun with so many people to share it with, and I think in about 50 years time there will be lots of very lonely people who did put money and career first at the expense of their families!

    Thankyou all for being an inspiration and letting people like me know that it is possible to have lots of kids and still be happy!

  9. #9

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    myself being pregnant with twins and having 4 children already knows what its like to listen to ppl freely express there opinions but u know what i told everyone straight away if u dont like it u know where to go as i dont want ur negative vibes around but that has only been to my mother really shes never really had to be a mum to me since i was 16 and had no other children and thinks shes above anyone else that doesnt work and actually have real problems when i preggers with my 4th she just about had me screaming every visit with her comments about birth control and oh u cant do that thats right ur having another baby she was degrading me in front of my in laws thinking it was oh so funny in her lil mind.... so this time soon as i found out at 7 weeks i said i dont want anyone around me thats freaking negative and u can stick ur comments up ur behind dont bother coming over anymore. so its been a lot better as she knows as well i didnt fall pregnant on purpose it was a massive surprise for all. my in laws are a ok and supportive as they had 6 children themselves she just keeps reminding that i will just have to get more help and there isnt much rest involved and there will be no more sleep ins haha she told me this after 3 babies. i am lucky my oldest are 9 and 7 cause there great helpers and to get back to the story .... as much as it hurts about the comments just tell them to mind there own business and worry about there own backyards something to that effect ....
    kylie

  10. #10
    beastie Guest

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    michelle, i cant answer your question, i still have one child, but im really jealous of you and your six children. i'd liek to have a lot of children too, but with PCOS its really hard.

    please live your life like YOU want and dont listen to them, wenn they talk rubbish

  11. #11

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    That's so terrible! Though I would never want more than 2 myself, I would never be angry at someone for having more kids. AS long as they are all provided for then it's really none of my business so why give someone a hard time (unless of course I'm required to babysit LOL only kidding)

  12. #12

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    WOW.....I am so sorry for all the negative comments that anyone has received...that must be so heartbreaking. We have never received any negative comments at all. Everyone has been thrilled for us. It would upset me terribly to think anyone wasnt as happy as us. Im so glad that you are all being true to yourselves and your own plan and raising y our wonderful big families with or without your extended familys blessings.

    Jo

  13. #13

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    Im so sorry for all the negitive remarks made to you guys i know how it feels im now pregi with 4# not alot of congrats happy smiles and good on you but more the havnt you got a tv, my god the bags under your eyes are bad enough and u want more it gives me the peeves. Last sept we m/c and that was hard so this little monkey really means alot to me but no matter what there will always be negitive remarks made i bring it down to the green eyed monster people can see the dh and i are very much in love and have 3 perfect blonde beauties and that peeves them i manage well i dont ask for much help and i work part time. Im happy so is my family that makes people green with envy. Dont feel bad ladies be proud proud that u have lots of little people that love u no matter what and those little people will grow and give u years of joy that ladie money cant buy.

    kittykat

  14. #14

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    I have 3 under 3, and i think i cope really well. My house is always clean, the bills are paid, there's always food on the table, and my children are always in nice clothes, and clean. Even though my youngest is 4 months old, i would like to start trying for another soon. (Anneliese took 6 months to concieve) I would like 6 children, i come from a family of 6 as well, and i loved it. I am 22.5 years old. I mentioned to my Grandmother IL today that we would evenually like another, and she goes "GOD i think you would've had enough by now, you cant afford any more." YES WE CAN!!! I learnt to be good with money from the best, my mum. But even she's a ***** when i say i want more, when i went over on holiday, she even bought me a pack on condoms and told me to learn how to use them. I am Bipolar, and i think the kids give me the strength i need to lead a normal life on minimal medication (regardless of how i feel, i will always have to take some sort of meds) I think i cop it twice as bad because not only am i going against when society sees as a "traditional" family (2-3 children) i also cop the sh*t for beign a young mum. I have a partner, house nice furniture and 3 beautiful, well adjusted children with a yearning for more. Why can people just mind their own business and let me live my life??

    Thank you, ill hop off my soap box now...

  15. #15

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    I am so sorry to hear that so many of you are receiving negative comments in regards to how many children you have. I know I would never get those types of comments from my family. I am the eldest of 5, DH is the 2nd youngest of 5. I love my family to bits... my sisters are my best female friends. My Mum is one of ten... and I have grown up knowing my mums entire family... I am close with my 2nd cousins etc. A big family to me is the norm... I couldn't imagine a family BBQ, christmas, wedding etc where there wasn't chaos and so much laughter. I was worried about only having 2-3 children and them not having the closeness that myself and my extended family have.
    I think that having a large family is great. Not only are you blessed with the beautiful children that you already have, but that you will be one day blessed with many many beautiful grandchildren too. You will also never be lonely... I know my parents and grandparents definitely aren't

  16. #16
    crockerclan Guest

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    Hi,

    I know what you are going through, when I fell pregnant with my fifth last year, I was afraid to tell any one at first, but eventually I had to tell my family. I don't think my mum could believe it at first but in the end she came around. My father-in-law keeps telling me to tell my husband to go and get the snip but I put my foot down and said that when I finish having kids he will get the snip.

    Anyway I am planning my sixth and probably my final child next year. I would like more but I have to undergo surgery because of prolapse problems and my doctor said that I will need to have surgery to fix the problems up due to pregnancy and birth.

    I have also received negative responses when I have been out with all my tribe in public and I have learnt how to ignore them.

    Michele
    Mother of Christopher(nearly 13), Luke(10), Melissa(6), Jayden(4) and Ashleigh(1 next week)

  17. #17

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    I am pregnant with baby number 5 (due mid year 2007). I too had negative exeriences when I told people my 'news'. One woman I told just laughed ... I remember thinking - It's not that funny???. Another woman said 'oh well, at least you will get $4000 from the government. But the most common reaction was ... 'Why?'
    The reaction in my circle of friends really rocked me ... I didn't realise people could be so closed minded.
    I have now preconceived some comebacks for the comments that get thrown at me ... For example - when people say, 'Don't you know what causes it?' - I answer, 'Of course I do ... A loving secure marital relationship!'

    Mother of (boy - 9yr old), (girl - 7yr old), (girl - 5yr old), (girl - 3yr old)

  18. #18

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    As most of you know I have 6 kids. The reactions I received from my parents after no.1&2 were enough for me to keep it from them until about 20 weeks. Because I have been a single parent to three children from 3 different relationships it made things very difficult for me to come to grips with the negativity so I went into hiding.I never went out except to do shopping and I never had friends around except for those few ppl who supported me.
    When DH came along and we found out that I was preg. with no. 4 again I hid it(i couldn't imagine the reaction from Mum and Dad), but this time they were excited about it.I got the same reaction when no.5&6 came along.
    I've having my tubes tied next year and while I am not happy about it, I realise my body cannot handle pregnancy anymore.
    Recalling all the negative comments hurts but the one that hurt the most came from a lady with 9 children. When she learnt I was expecting Patrick she said "You'll need a mini bus with all the kids you have!" Now to a lot of ppl that doesn't mean much but to me it hurt to come from someone like her.

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