Should I go for #4?

[Trillian]

Hi Jo. From my experience, its not that much harder going from 3 to 4 than it is from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 etc. In time you find your groove and before you know it, it's like you've always had 4 kids. What are the age gaps going to be? I have 20mths between my first three, and then 3yrs 3mths between 3 and 4. Its been great - I've handled it much better than I think I would have with a closer gap, but then if the gap was closer I would just have to get used to it kwim? Once you have kids in school it gets trickier though because you have to time feeds around getting the older child/ren off to school, but it's manageable - you have to make sure that you organise yourself well.

People often say I must be busy with 4, and yeah, I am to a certain extent, but then I was still busy with 3 kids and I find I am more busy with the older three than I am with my baby.

One thing that was really important to me was not having any regrets - I didn't want to not have a 4th baby and always regret not having him. They are little for such a short time in the big scheme of things and before you know it they are old enough to fend for themselves, so its only for a few years that you are really busy chasing after little kids and babies and then you have the rest of your life to sit back and enjoy them.

HTH

[FluffyLaRue]

It's really no big deal with little babies. It's only as they grow and need to be dropped off at school/kinder/afterschool activities. I find a bigger family EASIER as they all keep each other busy and well entertained. Older children are quite good helpers too.

[aussienic]

I have just had my 4th and am just now finding things a bit easier..

I would say go for it

how old are your other kids?

[Jo+3]

Thanks ladies,
Some of you asked the age difference in my children. I have 3 girls 6,3 and 22 months. I think my main concern for another one is financial, although I already have a big 7 seater car and I'm sure we could make room for another one somewhere in the house, and of course I have all the baby equipment. Just means another few more years not working. Things are pretty tight now I don't know if it will make a huge difference with another one. I'm also 35 so my eggs aren't getting any younger. I am also a bit scared that my family and friend will think I'm completely MAD!!!!!! How did you deal with others opinions.?

[blackduckies]

Hi Jo+3, we have 3 kids and pregnant with no 4. I thought I was finished at no3 but after her birth I jsut felt the need to have one more, I am 40 and it has been tough to get pregnant and stay pregnant. Since we started trying we have had 3 MC's early ones I put it down to the eggs being doodgey, this one looks like a sticky one. We have had a bit of negative feedback, people just don't get why we would want to go through this all again, I hate that!!! I don't understand why it affects other people ,anybody would think you are going to send the baby home with them. We just get on with it now and don't bother with the friends who are abit negative, they will come around eventually????? The biggest factor for us has been financial, we are currently doing an extension, but 2 kids are going to have to share anyway, but hey will survive, the car factor is another big one. But a 7 seater would be nice even with the 3 kids so they can take friends etc. Dh has just gone for an interview for a higher paid and cushier job, fingers crossed he gets it.

Good luck with the decision, I am still a little scared every now and again, but you will always make ends met and who really cares what anyone thinks, it's your life and you have to be the one that is happy.

[Trillian]

Unfortunately you don't come across many people who jump for joy when you tell them you are pg with #4. Some will and that's great, but the first response from many people for us was either something really tacky (don't you know what's causing it?) or just 'gee, you'll have your hands full' MIL didn't take the news too well at first, but Mum was very happy for us. But with MIL, I told her the other week that DH was having a vasectomy and she got all strange about that - so go figure! The way I see it, they aren't the ones who are going to have to raise the baby, pay for it, feed it, clothe it, love it and they will get over it - they have to.

[BellyBelly]

There's one more problem too - you'd have to change your username! LOL

All the best with your decision, I think there's some great advice here

[HotI]

A point of view from different perspective.

I am the 4th of 5 children. My partner is the 1st of 5 children. We both enjoy coming from bigger families. Both our families also fostered children at different times and for different periods of time. We had 8 kids for about 6 months!

The older kids help out with the younger kids at different times, and i enjoyed the company of some of my siblings more at times than some of the others, and then i had different 'favourites' at other times.

Now we are grown ups, we all have great realationships, and there is always someone to go to for conversation or help with different things.

Both my partner grew up 'poor', possibly bc of having so many kids but we never felt we missed out and appreciate having things now. Kinda funny but we also don't want our kids to have 'everything' even though we are in better financial sitch than our parents. We want them to enjoy making cubbies out of the couch and a blanket, and be creative with finding entertainment out of 'nothing'.

take care,

Kate

[lisa 79]

ohhhh hello you sound so much like i did before i had my 4th boy , i was always wondering what other people were thinking .... but dont if u want more even if u think ohh .. gosh i cant afford another one u can always afford it u just make do u will find it will never go away so dont leave it .... go for it i did and im so happy. even after getting another boy i wouldnt change a thing.