I do think this is something that should probably be explained by you, or with both you and your hubby. I don't think you should wait any longer either. If you leave it too long, it will become a real big deal, and she will feel betrayed and lied to. But if you tell her now, and make out like it is not a big deal, then she will likely agree with you that it isn't a big deal either.
just want to say and good luck.
i was 7 i think when my mum told me my dad, wasnt my "real" dad, they were never together, and she had been with my step dad since i was about 18 months. i remember she sat me down with my baby book, and showed me a photo of a man in a army uniform standing between grandma & gramps, she explained how the "step dad" thing worked and how the guy in the pic was my "biological father" but also made it absolutle clear that it did not change a thing, i had asked my step dad when i was 3 if i could call him dad, he was wraped, and if i wanted to continue to do so, it was my decission. he wasnt there for "the talk" but gave me a hug and asked how i felt after i "knew"
good luck, and your right, she dose need to know! i remeber i felt a little wierd for a few days or so, but after that, life went back to normal and i never realy thought about it untill i was a tennager and mum started with the "ill send you to live with your father" i met him for the first time when i was 14, but still refer to my step dad as dad, even tho he and mum have been split for arround 8 yrs now.
She doesnt remeber her bio dad I think was too young!
My mum has kept a photo of her bio dad for when the time came, which i guess is lucky, I can get a pic off FB though, we have 14 mutual friends considering we went to school together!
What do I tell her and what do i leave out, ill share a quick story you know where its all coning from
I met X in high school when I was 16 we got together and when I was 17 I fell pregnant with DD, X decided the baby wasnt his and refused to have anything to do with me, he orderd DNA testing which of course came back positive, he was in and out of her life until she was 14 months when I met DH and moved 4 hours away, I then got summoned to court and he had fortnightly supervised access this went on for 5 months when she 26 months old he decided with his uni & work he didnt have time to travel to see her so stood back and hasnt seen her since.
He now has another child, emily, shes 2 now do we tell DD1 about her sister? Hes now an architect in Melbourne and his GF is a Lawyer! (whom I hope isnt a BB member, if you are then im sorry & please speak up)
tell her ASAP!!!~ doesnt matter how, just do it.
i accidently foubd out on my own accord when i was 15 that who i thought was my dad actually wasnt and it took me a very long time to come to grips with it. i had no sense of identity for such a long time. i wish my mum had told me sooner
Have you discussed with DH how you are going to feel/react if DD decides later on in life she wants to get to know her bio dad? That has just come up in our family.
I can not speak from experience, but maybe explain to her that's mum's an dad's come in all forms and they get to be parents in different ways, but the REAL meaning of Dad is your DH. The one who loves and cares for her, and will be there forever!
Maybe even explain to her that her and her dad's relationship is even MORE special because he CHOSE to be her dad, unlike someone who it just 'happens' to. And that how lucky she is, out of ALL the little girls in the world, she's the one he wanted to look after.
Both of my parents were previously married and my brother and sister were the product of my mum's first marriage. I am the product of my mum's second and my dad's third marriages (dad's now onto wife number four!). My mum and dad got together when my sister was one and my brother two years old. I was born a few years later.
We were never told that dad was not my brother and sister's biological father. When I was turning 14 I went hunting for my birthday presents (as you do!) and I found some official paperwork relating to changing my brother and sisters' surname. It wasn't too hard to put it all together (they look very alike and I look very different, they had always teased me that I was adopted!). I confronted my mum with what I knew a few days later. She was shocked and unprepared and initially denied that it was true. A couple of days later mum and dad sat us all down and told us the truth.
My brother had figured out the truth a few years earlier but had never said anything for fear of hurting dad. My sister was utterly shocked and found it very difficult to cope. Even now, almost 20 years late, my sister feels betrayed and abandoned. Betrayed that our dad had 'deceived' her and abandoned by her biological father (whom she has contacted by doesn't maintain a relationship with).
Having lived this situation and seen the effect it has had, particularly on my sister, my advice to you is to tell your DD now. Don't wait. You and your DH need to sit down together and answer all her questions honestly. Reassure her that her dad is still her dad and loves her just as much as if she carried her DNA. She needs to feel confident that her dad loves her as much as he loves his biological children. A dad is someone who raises a child, not someone who contributes some genes and walks away.
I would not tell her yet of her half sister unless she asks. It was one of the first questions my siblings and I wanted answered - are there more of us? But we were older and your DD may not ask yet. When she does ask, you must be honest. If she hasn't asked in the next few months I would find a time to tell her, it's important that she knows you have been honest and told her the whole truth.
Good luck. Oh, and for your DH - both my brother and sister consider my dad to be just as much their dad. He is the man who raised them, supported them and loved them. A family is a lot more than genetics.
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and good luck.
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