As you have very different parenting styles but are planning a life together, you are going to have to reconcile in some way so that you can treat each kid the same. Maybe it would be a good idea to go to a parenting program together like Triple P. That way you can start to come a bit closer together in how you tackle problems, then you can sit down and decide on rules that you both feel comfortable with. You will probably have to both give way in your ideal scenario but some things (like treating people with respect and not hitting etc) you will have to put your foot down as they aren't really up for compromise. You may find that your DP agrees in principle with some of your rules but doesn't know how to enforce them, and in that way a Triple P program will help so you not only have the same rules, but the same strategies. Hope this helps.