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Thread: What do you call them?

  1. #1

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    Default What do you call them?

    I have a step-daughter who is 6. She lives with us full time and calls me mummy. I also have a 6 yo daughter. I really don't like the term "step-daughter" but as the girls are only 4 months apart, I get asked a lot if they are twins. As I can't just say "yes", I feel as though I have to explain our family situation, and that she is my step-daughter.



    What do others call their "step-children"?

    Jo

  2. #2

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    you could just say 'no' (they aren't twins)...dont feel you have to explain to anyone yk?

  3. #3

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    Good point! I don't know why, but I always feel as though I need to explain. It really isn't anyone elses business I suppose!

    Thanks!

    Jo

  4. #4

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    It would definately be an unusual situation with the girls being so close in age. I probably wouldnt want to explain but i guess its normal for people to be curious. My eldest two dds are my husbands step children but we NEVER make reference to that...for him all 4 children are his children and he would never dream of distinguishing between them. When we had foster children though people would often ask and we would say that this is such and such and they are staying with us for a little while. Im sorry I am absolutely no help at all...id probably want to say this is Chloe and Jasmyn.LOL

    Jo

  5. #5

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    My mother had the same problem as you when we were all growing up! She disliked the word 'step-child' but felt the same as you. I think when people questioned instead of saying 'step' she said this is my other halfs little girl or boy... Does that sound gentler? I know my mum struggled with it as well. HTH.

  6. #6

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    Maddy was 2 yeasrs old when I met my now DH & he has never ever called her his step daughter (we dont have another that's only 4 mths age difference either though).
    I think I'd call her your daughter too, no need to explain as JohT said..

    I think I
    d be hurt if I heard Dh say "Oh this is maddy & This is Indah, but Maddy isnt mine!"

    She lives with you fulltime calls you Mum & you obviously love her like your own, just because she was not birthed by you, does not make her any less your daughter!?

    Or I'd simply say "Yes they are twins"... Why not? who cares what strangers say or think???
    Ask the girls, maybe they'd love to be known as twins!!!

  7. #7
    mum5boys Guest

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    Jo,my eldest son is from a previous relationship, we have been with my DH since he was 2.5 years old and even though technically he is his step son he would never ever refer to him that way as he loves and cares for him just the same as our other boys.
    DS1 calls DH dad and his biological father by his name.( THATS ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME)
    DH has been asked if DS1 was his and his reply was yes, he is my son.
    It is hard when people ask questions like that but you don't have to explain your situation to anyone,we don't.
    Take care
    Michelle

  8. #8

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    My daughter is not from my DH and he came into our lives when she was 9. She is 12 now and she calls him dad and if anyone ask him about her he tells them she is his daughter. Just tell ppl there not twins!!!!

  9. #9

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    my DH calls his step-son his son & is called Dad in return. The step-son is from a previous relationship. I classify this child as our son, I also call his children my kids (even tho I've not met them - but that is a whole other story).

    This child is your child, even though you didn't birth her, you are her mummy.

  10. #10

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    Thanks everyone. I have decided to stop with referring to her at all (to anyone) as my step-daughter. As far as I am concerned, while I didn't give birth to her, I make her lunches everyday, cry when she is hurt (as well as when she gets an award, has a dancing concert or says she loves me up to the sky!)and get up to her in the night when she has a bad dream, I get to be her mummy!

    Her own mother is not maternal and doesn't participate in her everyday life, just there for the birthday parties so she can have a photo taken to say she was there.

    We are mummy and daddy to both girls, and I am very proud of both of them for settling so well into our little (yet complicated) family.

    The girls love to think they are twins. In the bath the other night, they were searching each other for freckles that were the same. They found that they each had one between their fingers, so that made them twins!

    Thanks again for your advice

    Jo
    xx

  11. #11

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    I think its lovely when people don't distinguish between step children. I know if I were a step mother (providing the children didn't mind) I would always refer to them as my children regardless of of our family situation. I think of it in the same light as neices and nephews. I am an only child and therefore I technically have no neices or nephews, however I call marc's neices and nephews my own, I never introduce them as marc's or my husbands iykwim? I think its lovely that you've thought about this, and I think this sort of thing will only help pave the way for a longstanding loving relationship with your beautiful children

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  12. #12

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    I also think that it would be nice for the child to be reffered to as your child IYKWIM. It would make them feel so special

    Freckles; LOL at the freckles story...so cute, I remember doing this when I was 5 with my best friend he he he

  13. #13

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    They also like to dress the same, though I tend to by them simiar outfits, rather than the same. I think it is important, as with twins, to maintain their own identity. They are complete opposites in personality too. Jasmyn is fairly quiet, a bit shy, and introverted, whereas Chloe is loud, completely extroverted and loves being the centre of attention! They make a nice pair though and they have certainly helped each other out when needed. Chloe is in year 1, while Jas is in PP due to the mid year cut off now (those born after June 30 start school the following year now), so Chloe has been helping Jas with her reading. Jas is really good at piano and dancing, so she helps Chloe with these things.

    Thanks again for all your advice, it has really helped.

    Jo
    xx

  14. #14

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    How lovely! Two little girls to love & adore. That's fantastic that they get along so well!

  15. #15

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    My "step-brother" (i hate the term too) is 3 months older than me and we were in the same grade at school and were asked if we are twins. I'd just tell people No, but people are sometimes so nosey and just have to ask "how are you 3 months apart then"...
    So I'd usually just explain it to them, but I dont think its really that necessaary to explain, unless the person is asking, if that makes sense. If they dont ask, either they are polite or too dumb to do the math. We are also really good friends too.
    With "step-parents" I refer to my "step dad" as my Dad. He's been in my life a lot more than my biological Dad, who I refer to as my Dad also, so I confuse people with that one, but its really none of their business so they'll just have to live with that. Also my "step Dad" refers to my sister and I as his daughters.
    I really dont like the term "step-whatever" I think it sounds yuk for some reason, and I also dont see the need to have a name to distinguish between the step-parents, children, siblings etc and the biological ones.

  16. #16

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    Jasmyn refers to my ex-husbands' wife as her step-mum since they married, and simply calls her by her first name. Chloe is the same with her mother's partner. She just calls him by his first name.

    Chloe has called me mummy since she moved in with us. She calls her Mother mummy also, and the girls both call my DP daddy. They don't seem to get confused about their different "mummies" and "daddies". They keep their families pretty separate.

    Jasmyn did get upset the other day as she asked what the Baby's last name will be. When I said DP's last name, she got really upset as she thought that would mean that the baby wouldn't be her brother or sister as their name would be different. I was really hurt for her, as I hadn't had time to think about how we were going to deal with this when it came up. She seems to be ok now that I have explained that the baby won't have my last name, but it will still be my baby. We plan to get the girls to help with choosing the name for Peanut so that they are fully involved with the decisions. In saying this, Jasmyn asked if we could call the baby "Steve" after watching "Over the Hedge" where the hedge was named Steve! I think we will have to just give them a short list of the names we actually like to choose from!

    Jo
    xx

  17. #17

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    My ds#1 is a child i had with my ex, but i only see him as a sperm donor. i have been with DH since my son was 9 months old, and we now have 2 children together. Since day one of our relationship, DH has seen him as nothing but his son, and treats all kids the same. They have a special bond (they go to watch the Western Bulldogs play, they are members of the cheersquad) and i think its great.

    Its ultimately up to you, but i know i would have loved to be a twin when i was younger...

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