2nd baby shower is it rude?

[Beach Mama]

I posted about this a few weeks ago too - it really is a tough one... One of my friends asked me the other day if I was having one this time around, and if she could organise it.... I'm still a bit unsure about it. Personally I think they are a celebration of new life and yes presents are involved! I mean c'mon, I know I LOVE buying baby stuff for my friends who are having or have had babies and why shouldn't they feel the same for me?????? I wouldn't have one just for that reason though. It is a celebration and maybe you could have a "baby sprinkle" (someone suggested that in my thread - I think it is a great idea!) and maybe tone it down a bit by just saying on the invite that it is an afternoon tea or something. We are contemplating having a mixed group get together this time rather than just an all girls thing - my sister wants to plan something again as well.

As most PP have mentioned too - if you go to a 2nd , 3rd shower yourself for a friend you don't think it is rude and don't think twice about buying a small token gift if you want to. I find it is just as exciting!!
JMO! Good luck!

[Mummatotwo!]

why do baby showers mean gifts? personally i think they mean getting together with the ones you love and celebrate the upcoming arrival of bub. Im having a baby shower and i personally couldnt care less if people brought gifts or not. Im having on to get the family together to share the whole pregnancy experience with me..

mmmmm anyway... just another thing that is sorta stereo typed ifkwim.

Thats what i thought they meant, and to be honest i thought the baby shower was actually meant to celebrate the mother and the pregnancy, not so much the BABY.
My first baby shower with my son was a beautiful day, my mum threw it for me and went all out with beautiful hand made decorations etc. The turn out was poor though, alot of family and friends didnt even RSVP, i must admit i felt like I walked away a bit hard done by. Not in respect with the presents, because i had everything i needed, i didnt need anything. And i dont this time as i am having a second boy. I was thinking of just emailing my friends and telling them please not to buy anything but i know if i went to one i couldnt resist. I actually want aware that a baby shower for each baby wasnt done....
I have saved all the decorations from my first baby, and saved the cards and even the wrapping paper... yep i am a bit of a hoarder rofl.
I feel bad for this baby as (as usual) its not really getting the attention and aknowledgement that my first did. I hate the thought of having all these sentamental tokens for my first but not this one. Why is the first so much special then subsequent pregnancies? Why is one worth celebrating more then another?
I understand the present aspect of it - to a degree...

Thanks again for your responses and your suggestions!

[Mumma2three]

I didn't have one for my first but did for my second (she was 7.5 years behind). It was great. But I wouldn't even consider it for my third as I would feel greedy. That's just how I feel about it. I think the idea of a girls lunch or something to celebrate is lovely. And people may say it's not about presents, but I know the first thing I would think receiving an invite, is what do I get them. If it was their second or third I would honestly be thinking, well, Im not going to get much this time. That's just because people generally don' thave the money to spend. xo

[Lulu]

Ummm, that baby isn't going to know that it didn't have a shower.....

It depends on what you expect, what do you want from it. If you want pressies you have a shower, if you want to just see all your buddies and celebrate the impending arrival, have a lunch with your gfs.

If was about the mummy, it would be called a mummy shower.

I think its a bit rude myself, if you call it a shower, sprinkle or whatever its still inferred there are gifts to be showered iykwim?

But then again, I think engagement parties are a load of bollocks as well...

[Junglemum]

i agree with lulu. i didn't have one first time around.
But whatever floats your boat though i say.
If people think it's rude then they don't have to go.

[Mummatotwo!]

wow i didnt realise there was so much negativity towards it! such a shame.
Ummmm this baby WILL know as i said i keep ALL sentamental things in a box for them so they can see them when they are older.

I dont think its about greed. Thats a really sad and materialistic way to look at it dont you think? I dont think of gifts when i think of a baby shower, i think of cutesy decorations and pink or blue cup cakes etc. Maybe i am just a bit more relaxed then the norm.

Sad that its come to the fact that when people receive an invite first thing they think of is $$ for a present etc.

[Janie]

Yep, if people think it's rude, then they don't have to go. I'm not really into second showers, but I would still go if it was for a friend. I like the idea of a get together, specifying no pressies. That's what I would do anyway. I wasn't going to have a shower, but between my mum and a good friend depserate to organise one, I sort of got into it. And the day was great (except that I was in pre labour, and my waters broke that night!).

If you want to have one, just do it, it's your life, but don't be disappointed if everyone's not as into it as you are.

Lulu, I'm not into engagement parties either!!!

ETA I know it seems sad that all people think about is $$$ for pressies, but lets face it, these events always involve bringing a present along. And for some people, if they have a run of things, that can be really difficult financially. I'd love to buy all of my friends really ace presents, I don't consider myself tight, but ATM that's just not possible. So lets not be too harsh on people who are concerned about the cost hey?

[Lulu]

No, its the etiquette of it all. An inviation to a baby shower infers the baby gets gifts. An invitation to a wedding infers you bring a gift to help the newlyweds start their lives.
Etiquette helps people understand what you want or what is expected from them.

If you are not focussed on gifts, have a lunch then! The baby will get plenty of cards/gifts when its born.

[{sarah}]

We had a lunch with a few close friends for my "baby shower". Everyone paid for themselves & it really was supossed to just be a girly lunch with friends before I had the baby. That said everyone bought presents as well as paying for their lunch & chipping in for mine, so not what I had intended though. For me it was just a celebration that I was soon going to be a mummy for the secnd time, I didn't expect presents at all.

[Nai]

I always thought the premise of a baby shower was to gather all of the other women in the village to pass on their knowledge and wisdom to the mother to be. I never give a large gift at a baby shower but usually give a practical gift. Most of the ones I have been to have a book or something where you can give words of advice, support etc to the mum-to-be.

I don't think that just because you have had one baby that you know everything and that having a second/third/fourth still comes with it's unique challenges. So the main purpose of a second shower would be to impart that advice and support on how to manage more than one baby.

Mine was organised by my friends and in return I will be organising one of theirs. I don't know if I will have one for this bubs but if I do it will just be a lunch out with my besties and close family I think. I will ask for no presents - just their advice

[SunnyRain]

Oh interesting question.

I, personally, object to engagement parties, kitchen-tea parties (or whatever they're called), hen's nights, baby showers or any party geared purely towards collecting gifts. But this is a case of semantics only.

If a friend had a "celebrate the life of my unborn joy" party, I'd dance along with bells on and join in the festivities with glee. There's something about "baby shower" that SCREAMS "shower me in gifts, and if you don't you'll be struck off my list forever".

BUT I love the idea of a "meet the baby" party for every single baby you bring into the world. It's not the giving of gifts I object to (I'm not scrooge), It's just the expectation of gifts I object to (does that make sense?). I didn't have a baby shower or any party for my son, but I will do something to celebrate my next child, something small and understated.

Edit: I forgot to mention, Olde Etiquette says that if you organise a party and send formal invites, the guests are expected to bring gifts no matter what the occasion. If the party-thrower is providing the meal, then absolutely bring a gift (a bottle of wine is suitable for a casual dinner party). If you have to pay for your own meal, then don't bother with a gift.

[BekZ]

I think it is a bit over the top. I had a big traditional baby shower for DD1 and then for DD2 and 3 I had a meet up with my gfs. I insisted on no gifts but I still got some. My aim was to catch up with my friends before I was housebound for another 12 months or so.

[Cherished]

I don't know if it's rude so to speak but I would consider how your guest will feel. Even if you say no gifts they will feel obligated to bring you one (I'd like to see a poll on how many people still bring a gift even if the invite says not to iykwim). I think people will give you gifts if they want to give you a gift regardless of having a baby shower. So if it's the gifts that you want maybe save yourself the hassle of the party and the potential of people thinking you are rude.

I don't think we will have a baby shower because we don't want gifts! We don't have much baby stuff but don't want people buying us stuff left right and center just because they were invited to a 'celebration'

If it's really not about the gifts for you than why not just have a party with your family & friends both male and female and leave the word baby out of the invite all together. If I received that invite I would just think that you and your dh were throwing a party just because you want to let your hair down as soon you will be too busy to see anyone.

[Mum2Romone]

If you have your kids a few years apart and dont have your baby stuff anymore I think its totally appropriate, or if the baby is of a different sex... If you have your children one after the other though then you could have a shower but people would know you already had heaps from last time and would perhaps only buy certain items that you now need.

I love showers !!!!

[nell2010]

everyone of my friends who have had a second and third child has had a baby shower for each.. and in the past 2 years ive been to over 30 baby showers for the second/third baby.. we all thinks its a great idea and are happy to help with the needs of the new baby. none of us think its selfish at all.. we LOVE it!! 1. its an excuse for us all to get together and go ga ga over babies andtalk about our husbands/boyfriends AND we think of it as if one person gets one item for the new baby that covers alot and is one less thing mummy doesnt have to worry about as we all no having a newborn and another child is HARD work!!! (just having one is hard enuf lol) if one of our friends DIDNT have a second baby shower we would wonder why she isnt and then organise one for her like we have done in the past...

anyway hope this helps!!!

[mummamichelle]

I have asked this same question...

My mother told me you should only have one for your first and since you usually get most things it is rude to have a second. However, IMO you don't throw yourself a shower it is something that is held for you and your baby so it really depends on your friends and family. If my friends want to hold me a shower and organise it I will say, really you don't need to do that. But if they insist it is really just another fun get together with friends that want to celebrate your new baby!

[CrazyLady]

to be honest i thought the baby shower was actually meant to celebrate the mother and the pregnancy, not so much the BABY.

I see it that way and brought a gift for the mother, not the baby. I like the idea of a meet the baby party gets everyone that's wants to visit out the way in one go :laugh:

I don't know if i feel it's rude or not for a second shower. I guess it would depend on the individual and thier friends.

I never even had a baby shower and only really thought about it after DD was born. Pregnancy gets sooooo busy.