2nd baby shower is it rude?

[Alyssas_Mum]

I had a lil argument with a person at playgroup about this. Baby shower is a celebration of you having a baby, there are no rules saying people have to buy you presents, if they dont want to then they dont have to, but if they are a good friend and care about you they wouldnt care either way.
I'm totally for having a baby shower for every child (i didnt have one with DD#1 but my sis is throwing me one this time) i can't wait, not for the presents because its not like you need them but to celebrate your baby and play lots of fun games.
The girl who i argued with isnt coming to mine, i dont want her negativity there.
Go for it, have your baby shower, have lots of fun and i hope you have a great day!

[Nai]

I always thought the premise of a baby shower was to gather all of the other women in the village to pass on their knowledge and wisdom to the mother to be. I never give a large gift at a baby shower but usually give a practical gift. Most of the ones I have been to have a book or something where you can give words of advice, support etc to the mum-to-be.

I don't think that just because you have had one baby that you know everything and that having a second/third/fourth still comes with it's unique challenges. So the main purpose of a second shower would be to impart that advice and support on how to manage more than one baby.

Mine was organised by my friends and in return I will be organising one of theirs. I don't know if I will have one for this bubs but if I do it will just be a lunch out with my besties and close family I think. I will ask for no presents - just their advice

[SunnyRain]

Oh interesting question.

I, personally, object to engagement parties, kitchen-tea parties (or whatever they're called), hen's nights, baby showers or any party geared purely towards collecting gifts. But this is a case of semantics only.

If a friend had a "celebrate the life of my unborn joy" party, I'd dance along with bells on and join in the festivities with glee. There's something about "baby shower" that SCREAMS "shower me in gifts, and if you don't you'll be struck off my list forever".

BUT I love the idea of a "meet the baby" party for every single baby you bring into the world. It's not the giving of gifts I object to (I'm not scrooge), It's just the expectation of gifts I object to (does that make sense?). I didn't have a baby shower or any party for my son, but I will do something to celebrate my next child, something small and understated.

Edit: I forgot to mention, Olde Etiquette says that if you organise a party and send formal invites, the guests are expected to bring gifts no matter what the occasion. If the party-thrower is providing the meal, then absolutely bring a gift (a bottle of wine is suitable for a casual dinner party). If you have to pay for your own meal, then don't bother with a gift.

[BekZ]

I think it is a bit over the top. I had a big traditional baby shower for DD1 and then for DD2 and 3 I had a meet up with my gfs. I insisted on no gifts but I still got some. My aim was to catch up with my friends before I was housebound for another 12 months or so.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I personally didn't have a baby shower for DD1 or DD2 but my friends and family are scattered everywhere... lol

I don't see a problem with it, just because your having a baby shower does not mean you expect people to bring gifts, it's a celebration of the fact your going to have another gorgeous bundle of joy.
It's a time to spend with your girlfriends (or male friends if invited), have a chat, some great food and enjoy yourself.

GO AHEAD, THROW YOURSELF ONE AWESOME PARTY!

[Just Me]

For friends that have had second and third babies, we have just met as a group of friends in a coffee shop and a nominated person has collected money and purchased a joint present from everyone (usually consisting of nappies - cloth or disposable depending on the person) - and a couple of other small practical items like baby lotions. It has been more about catching up as a group of friends and I really enjoy these 'baby showers'. It is just an afternoon out with friends and I think we all use a new baby as a great excuse to go and catch up.

[NaeNae]

I am glad your mum is holding a second shower for you hun, I think a celebration of new life is a wonderful thing because ALL new life is precious and something to be celebrated.

I have always wondered why people are so cynical. I mean assuming everyone who holds a celebration of sorts "expects gifts" is a little rough, not saying anyone here is like this, but if thats the first thing that crosses ones mind is it because that is what one feels for themselves deep down that they themselves would "expect a gift" ????

I loved every minute of my baby shower, I had been through a lot to get to that point and so it was a massive thing for me to celebrate. Yes I did not expect gifts, Yes I got embarrassed by peoples generosity and Yes I was very deeply touched by everyones thoughtfulness.

Will I have another one??

No, HOWEVER, if someone else wanted to throw one I would not object. I would have a "meet the baby" celebration for all following children mainly because it knocks off everyone who would want to visit in one foul swoop

Nae x x

[Cherished]

I don't know if it's rude so to speak but I would consider how your guest will feel. Even if you say no gifts they will feel obligated to bring you one (I'd like to see a poll on how many people still bring a gift even if the invite says not to iykwim). I think people will give you gifts if they want to give you a gift regardless of having a baby shower. So if it's the gifts that you want maybe save yourself the hassle of the party and the potential of people thinking you are rude.

I don't think we will have a baby shower because we don't want gifts! We don't have much baby stuff but don't want people buying us stuff left right and center just because they were invited to a 'celebration'

If it's really not about the gifts for you than why not just have a party with your family & friends both male and female and leave the word baby out of the invite all together. If I received that invite I would just think that you and your dh were throwing a party just because you want to let your hair down as soon you will be too busy to see anyone.

[sassy123]

i love baby showers and love playing games at them. i had a huge baby shower with DD and got so many gifts but it was more about the games and catching up with people.
Mum wants to throw me one this time and i dont care if she does cause i love the games lol.
liek other people have said if people dont like it they dont have to come and if they dont wanna buy a gift then they dont have to.
I went to a baby shower a few weekends ago and it came across as the lady just wanting gifts because there was no foo till another guest bought some didnt open the presents with everyone (this has always been done at other baby showers i have been too) and didnt get a thank you card or even a verbal thank you. and no games or anything. so to me this just seemed like a i want presents party.

[*Beema*]

I did have one with DD, and it was overwhealming, I was over showered and it was quite embarrassing as it wasn't what I expected at all

I provided a heap of nibbles (ie tapas style), drinks and some pretty hilarious games and we did have an awesome afternoon, but it was held at a friends house, she decorated her house and made the day really special for me. I wanted to provide the food etc as I didn't want that extra load on anyone else. We helped clean up as much as she would let us and it was really lovely to not have to do a spotless clean of the house at that time, but maybe I should have as DD was born 2 days later and I nested at work instead of home! I did get the thankyous written the next night (for some reason I HAD to do it ) and posted them the morning DD was born. I got some hilarious sms's when peeople got them the day after she was born!!!

This time I won't be doing one, perhaps just a high tea or an afternoon out with the girls, no presents. We don't need anything and I don't want anyone to think they have to give me/bubs anything either and I would like to just spend some time with my friends, still celebrate the upcoming arrival of my little one, but without the whoo haaa of a shower

But I did enjoy my first one

[Kazbah]

I think that baby showers are a celebration of pregnancy, of new life. My husband (then DF) didn't want our workmates to be aware of my pregnancy until it couldn't be hidden. As a result, pretty much everyone thought it was an "oopsy" although it was very strongly planned! I strongly believe that not celebrating my pregnancy has led to some of my problems with not connecting with my child.

Having said that, I didn't have a baby shower. I didn't have a hens' night. I didn't have an engagement party. We haven't celebrated any of the major milestones in our shared life - our wedding was an exception as my mum wouldn't have otherwise (and paid for it all). My husband doesn't see the point of celebrating birthdays - I'm lucky to get a card. And all of this causes me sadness. different values, you see. If I'm lucky enough to get preggers again, I want a baby shower. I want to celebrate the life growing inside me, to feel the support of those around me for the future of my child and myself. I don't want to feel alone (again).

And that's what I think baby showers, hens nights, birthdays, engagements, weddings and naming/christening days are all about. It's about allowing the people in your life to share your milestones with you. It's like the wedding ceremony - when the celebrant / priest asks the other married couples to support those standing before them. And reminds those already married of their vows.

Just my 2c worth.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I don't think its rude at all, afterall it is celebrating a new baby. And it doesn't mean that all the guests have to bring gifts. If it makes you feel better you can add on the invitation that its just a celebration and gifts aren't neccessary.

With my baby shower, i am having it as a sort of get together before i will be a mum, and will give all my friends and family the chance to ask questions (ones that dont have kids) and for me to ask those who have kids questions and also for advice to be given. Also there would be games. I'm half tempted to have it that DP comes and his friends too but he thinks baby showers are a woman thing and he wants to just have his own which is him going to the pub enjoying his last few weeks of no responsibility.

But back to your question, i dont think its rude at all you should be allowed to celebrate every child you have. You would know if it would offend your friends and family.

[Mum2Romone]

If you have your kids a few years apart and dont have your baby stuff anymore I think its totally appropriate, or if the baby is of a different sex... If you have your children one after the other though then you could have a shower but people would know you already had heaps from last time and would perhaps only buy certain items that you now need.

I love showers !!!!

[CrazyLady]

to be honest i thought the baby shower was actually meant to celebrate the mother and the pregnancy, not so much the BABY.

I see it that way and brought a gift for the mother, not the baby. I like the idea of a meet the baby party gets everyone that's wants to visit out the way in one go :laugh:

I don't know if i feel it's rude or not for a second shower. I guess it would depend on the individual and thier friends.

I never even had a baby shower and only really thought about it after DD was born. Pregnancy gets sooooo busy.

[feeb]

I didnt have a baby shower for either boy and didnt have engagment party either. I have caught up with friends before each child was born but just casual get together.

Very few of my friends have had showers the ones that have I buy practical pressies for, as we all have same thought that it gets expensive as you buy pressie for shower and pressie when baby born.

But each to there own if you want it have it.

xoxo

[*TripleJ*]

i had one for DS but everyone bought him presents not just the people that turned up so i dont think it matters if u have a shower coz ppl buy pressies anyway

im planning on having one this time boy or girl because i can and if ppl dont like it they can just not turn up no one is obliged to buy presents they just choose to coz it feels rude not to FWIW not everyone brought presents to the first one they came for a fun afternoon and a nice BBQ

slightly OT but i got food poisoning at a kitchen tea i wont be eating food thats been sitting on a table all day ever again lol

[nell2010]

everyone of my friends who have had a second and third child has had a baby shower for each.. and in the past 2 years ive been to over 30 baby showers for the second/third baby.. we all thinks its a great idea and are happy to help with the needs of the new baby. none of us think its selfish at all.. we LOVE it!! 1. its an excuse for us all to get together and go ga ga over babies andtalk about our husbands/boyfriends AND we think of it as if one person gets one item for the new baby that covers alot and is one less thing mummy doesnt have to worry about as we all no having a newborn and another child is HARD work!!! (just having one is hard enuf lol) if one of our friends DIDNT have a second baby shower we would wonder why she isnt and then organise one for her like we have done in the past...

anyway hope this helps!!!

[nell2010]

I always thought the premise of a baby shower was to gather all of the other women in the village to pass on their knowledge and wisdom to the mother to be.

I COMPELETLY AGREE...

and also to get together with ur girlfriends GO FOR IT!!!!

party on i say sorry i no i already replied but i was just reading some of the other replies and am shocked at some answers lol so i thought i should double up on my agreeing on you having another baby shower lol