Boys in girls' changerooms - how old is "too old"?

[~clover~]

Interesting thought. Change rooms aren't a concern for me, but public toilets might become something I'll need to think about soon.

DS is 4. If I wasn't allowed to change him due to age in the change rooms, I'd go do it at/in the car I guess. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending him on his own. I still usually go with DD1 (10) into public toilets (not the cubicle).

When do I stop bringing DS into the toilets with me? He's not going to see anyone naked or anything, but I'm assuming a 6/7 year old boy shouldn't really be in there?? My kids will all be a bit old for parents rooms soon too

For me sending my boy off on his own, I'm not worried about him dressing/changing himself... I'm worried about his safety in a public place! Same reason I usually wait outside the cubicle when my older DD's are in public toilets. I always walk them to the toilets in shopping centres etc.

[nickle730]

My DS is 6, 7 in a few weeks. We use a family change room at a pool, although they can be hard to get. If a family room is not provided by the facility, I either wrap him up in a towel and he showers/changes at home or I help him to change beneath a towel beside the pool. There is absolutely no way I would allow him to use the male change room unaccompanied.

As for toilets, I take DS to the toilet in the parents room if there is one. If not, I have no hesitation using the disabled toilet. I have told DH to do the same if he is out with DD1, who is 9.

[Floweryfields]

Does everyone get in the nick infront of each other Grub? I'm far too shy for that! Our change rooms at school were a big round room with showers and toilets on one side and benches all around the other. I used to hate trying to get dressed under a towel and that shyness never wore off.

[Astrid]

Considering many on here would prefer to take a boy into the womens' change rooms beyond they recommended age, what do you think about girls being taken into the men's changerooms when they are with their own father?

Putting myself out there, as a parent of two girls, I am uncomfortable with the older boys coming into the womens' change rooms. Now this is due to my experiences, doors were left often to the large shower room (where there was plenty of room to shower and change), no effort was made to have the boys change quickly, for some reason they put their tops on, but stayed bottomless till almost the last moment.

If there is an age in place, then at least there is a guideline to go by, otherwise when does it stop? I would suggest to those of you who go to swimming centres to not have family change rooms at all or adequate facilities, to talk to the centres to see if there is something they can do.

[Gigi]

i worry about the reverse of this. My ex has bilby each weekend, and every time she has to get dressed (pool) or go to the loo (anywhere outside home e.g shops, beach, etc), that dilemna must come up for them. He doesn't often take her to pool or beach, i suspect this is the reason why. I did buy her one of those towels you wear like a cape, to make drying her, in public, more do-able.

When bilby and i are out in public (and she needs the public loos), she is constantly saying "are you there mum"?, when i'm waiting outside her stall. Like she's scared of being left there alone. And often she has trouble, getting the paper to come out of the loo paper dispenser. She is JUST tall enough to wash her hands without help now.

[Rach75]

my boys are 5 and 2 and we use the ladies change rooms we have the luxury the fact its a samll town so rarely is anyone in there... in public we use parents rooms or female toilets unless dad is with us, I will continue to take jack into the female toliets until he is about 10 I am guessing ...

[grub17]

i don't really have an issue with boys in ladies' change rooms, but just wanted to share this gem with you.. my nearly 2.5yr old in the pool showers/toilets last weekend... Him and I had had a shower and were getting dressed (it's an open shower and public dressing area). There were other ladies showering and dressing, next minute, crying he sobs "boobies in mummy's shower!!" lol.

He didn't like other boobies using the shower I had just used (which apparently has now become mine! score!). Fortunately all the ladies just laughed His father thought it was hilarious when i told him later!

[LuluHB]

I'm starting to think that at 4 or 5 they're getting too old to be in the women's change rooms. My DDs go to the local pool for swimming, as do a lot of their classmates. I have no problem with nudity, and we all run around without clothes on, shower together etc at home, but I don't think its appropriate for my kids to be naked in front of the boys in their class.

I completely understand that that sort of age would cause issues for mums taking their boys etc. I have the same concerns as others have mentioned for when my DH is out with our girls. There is no way in hell they would be allowed to go into a public toilet by themselves, and I don't believe its appropriate for them to go with DH into a men's toilet, so that only leaves parents' rooms or disabled toilets. I think its something that needs to be given more attention in all sorts of places from public pools, to shops, movies etc.

[nothing2lose]

A couple of things we have to remember imo...

It's not just what we/our children are comfortable with, it's also what others using the change room are comfortable with. There may be a lot of young girls/women who do not feel comfortable changing in front of boys over a certain age.

The other point is, like Gigi mentioned, it's also about girls using male change rooms. At what age should girls not go into the men's change area? A lot of dads take their daughters to the pool without their mum. What should they do. Sex offenders/kidnappers/whatever else we are concerned about can be women too.

DD and I always just towel dry off and put clothes over. I dont think it is usually necessary to get totally stripped off so we dont use change rooms at all.

[beansbeans!]

Interesting topic..

I dont know what age I would let the girls go into the public toilets by themselves. But I think there is a fine line between been protective of your child and being a helicopter parent.
I think for me it will be when the girls feel comfortable with going into public toilets without me.
I do not like Dh taking the girls into the mens toilets at all. If he has them then he takes them into the parents room or uses the disabled one.

Astrid, its a good point. We've never let the girls go into the mens public toilets. We never will, buts that our choice.

[Trillian]

Our pool says 6 years old too. I think you could get boys to at least 8 before they need to be in boys change rooms only. They are too little before that to be in there on their own I reckon

[nothing2lose]

The flip side to that is Trill, that my (then) 8 year old DD and her friends would be mortified if a "boy" that was their peer was changing in the same room as them.

We have a lax attitude to nudity in this house (although DP doesnt go nude in front of her given the stepdad thing) but she wouldnt like changing in front of boys one bit!!!

[Trillian]

The flip side to that is Trill, that my (then) 8 year old DD and her friends would be mortified if a "boy" that was their peer was changing in the same room as them.

We have a lax attitude to nudity in this house (although DP doesnt go nude in front of her given the stepdad thing) but she wouldnt like changing in front of boys one bit!!!

True, but some boys at 8 are still so vunerable that I wouldn't like them to be in a changeroom on their own at that age if there was no one to take them in there. 9 times out of 10 I am with the kids on my own so DS1 often had to get changed on his own. In the town where I live it's not a problem, but in a larger town or city I would be really weary of letting him get changed on his own. But then we have a really casual attitude to nudity as well - even though DS1 is 11 we're all still comfortable being naked in front of each other still and he still bathes with his sisters. I imagine that this will end soon though as he starts puberty.

[nothing2lose]

It's a tough one... But then there are no changerooms at the beach and we all manage!