Boys in girls' changerooms - how old is "too old"?

[AndiE]

Just interested in thoughts as it was only something that occured to me for the first time yesterday.

DS1 and DS2 swim Saturday mornings at the same time, afterwards I take DS1 (4y3m) into the women's changerooms and DH takes DS2 into the men's to get them showered and dressed (obviously it's convenient for us to sort out one boy each). I don't think too much about DS1's nudity when I'm showering and changing him. Mostly there are other mums and young children - girls and boys - in there too getting dressed.

Yesterday a mum was dressing her two daughters next to us. The girls would have been aged approx 2 and 3-4. DS1 and I just went about our business and I had my back to the lady and girls for the most part. When I turned around the woman was dressing her older daughter from behind a towel, which appeared to be shielding her. Anyhoo, this post isn't a comment about that - I know some girls/boys are uncomfortable with others seeing them naked, and mum might have kept the towel around her to keep her warm, for all I know.

But the thought popped in to my head ... at what age should little boys/girls stop going in to the opposite sex's changerooms to get dressed? What if the mum next to me didn't appreciate her girls seeing my son naked? Maybe she didn't want DS1 seeing her girls naked? Like I said ... there was no indication of this. It was just something I pondered afterwards.

Nudity is not an issue in our house - my boys like getting starkers when it's shower/bath time, and they have no hang ups about it (and I hope it kinda stays that way). I'm ok at the moment for them to see me in the shower, though I did say to DH after I asked his opinion on this that at some point I would most likely appreciate a bit of privacy etc when I'm in the shower. But at the moment I still think DS1 is young enough that there's no issue.

So I'm interested in people's thoughts - I don't imagine it's a "one size fits all" thing, and that what suits one might not suit others. At the moment I'm planning to go with the flow for a bit longer ... gosh, he's only 4. I imagine by the time hormones kick in he'll be well and truly dressing himself and won't want mum anywhere near him when he's nekked !

[nothing2lose]

I seem to remember some change rooms state boys must be under 5.

Not sure if that helps????

[Astrid]

Our local pool says under school age. There are also family change rooms, which when available, seem to be the easiest way for a family to get changed. Well that is what we have found, too hard at times trying to wrangle 2 girls by myself.

Does your pool have a family room?

[Olive]

Our pool states those over 6 can't go into opposite sex change rooms

[Tanya]

Our pool states those over 6 can't go into opposite sex change rooms

Same.

[Floweryfields]

Our pool states those over 6 can't go into opposite sex change rooms

Hmm, that's interesting. I wonder though, if you have a 6 year old and you, the mum, are the only one with them, is a 6 year old ment to go into the male change room alone? I wouldn't be at all comfortable with that.

[AndiE]

Our pool/swimming school doesn't have any signs indicating what ages can go into the opposite toilets/changerooms. Neither is there a family room, and the shower cubicles don't really offer much more room than the shower. The options are either to change them in the general pool area in front of everyone or change them in the changerooms.

Not sure I'd be comfortable with sending a six year old in to the men's changerooms on his own either, albeit as it's learn-to-swim, the changerooms are generally only filled with dads and kids (ditto, the women's is pretty much just mums and kids). Members of the general public use separate facilities outside the learn-to-swim building.

Yeah, this is a tough one. You want to be able to keep an eye on your child and assist them to get dry/changed etc ... but you don't want to cause anyone to be uncomfortable etc.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

My stepmum has this issue as my brothers are 9 & 11 - she wont let them use the mens changerooms alone, they are not allowed in the womens change rooms and majority of the time there is a wait for the family room.

If we go swimming with them we normally cram myself, my stepmum, my 2 girls and my 2 brothers into the family room - there is no issue with nudity but my lil brothers don't like seeing me naked so they turn around while i get changed and we minimise the time naked.
At our local the girls and i are generally the only people using the disabled / family room as it's easier and mroe space for me to deal with 2 girls and i can stand around naked while i get them sorted and THEN get dressed.. i wouldn't mind kids say 6 or under being in while my girls get dressed but curiosity starts kicking in about then and my girls don't like being stared at.

[RhiChiChi]

Our pool states those over 6 can't go into opposite sex change rooms

Same with ours.

The showers are communal though and there are three family change rooms

[wysiwyg]

Ours simply suggests that over 6 year old use the appropriate change rooms, I don't have a seven year old yet but I am hoping that by that age I would feel they are able to dress themselves ok after swimming - if the child didn't feel comfortable then would use the family change rooms but if the child is happy to get themselves changed then I would be happy (boy or girl going into change rooms on their own - e.g. girl in womens if taken swimming by DH). My biggest worry would be the child taking forever by themselves.

[Floweryfields]

Not all pools have family changerooms though. Ours has just male and female with showers and toilets in the same building.

[lilima]

If I sent my 6 yo into the change room alOne, he would take hours to dress himself. And six is too young to be out of my sight in public.

[Novella]

Ive just been thinking about what to do with the girls DD1 is 5 and up until now we have been changing them in the viewing area. DH normally takes them so he does the getting dressed. They do have poncho towel things so when I go tend to leave that on and take their bathers off and put nickers on then take the poncho towel off and finish drying them and get them properly dressed.

It is a swimming school thpugh so all parents/grandparents and kids

[nickle730]

I think another factor to this conundrum is family makeup. I have children of both genders. They shower or bathe together most days and DH and I often jump in also. DS has seen a fanny every day of his life, just as DD's regularly see a penis. Quite frankly, my children pay no mind whatsoever to another person's nudity - seen it all before. However, we had a family over a few weeks ago which is made up of mum dad and three little girls. The kids ran around outside, got hugely muddy and decided to have a bath before putting on pj's. DS chose to shower alone in the same bathroom and those three little girls (aged 2-6) were quite fascinated by his penis. They were pointing and giggling, and the youngest tried to touch him. (DS moved away and said 'that's my private part, you don't touch someone else's private parts!). So, I know that I could comfortably take my DS into a female change room (he is 6 almost 7) and he would not even look at the naked women and girls, but those little girls in a male change room would probably be somewhat overwhelmed! I don't take DS into female change rooms only because it may make others uncomfortable. We use the family change room, discreetly change under a towel or wrap up and change at home.

As for the toilets, I agree that it is rare for a child to be murdered in a public toilet. Unfortunately, it is NOT terribly uncommon for a lone child to be inappropriately approached or touched in a public toilet, usually the male toilets. For those looking for statistics, I have none. I work for an emergency service and over the years I have attended several cases of children who have been assaulted in public toilets. My brother, when he was 11, was held up against a wall and touched by a man in the Myer toilets. It is my choice not to send my children into a public toilet alone, and if our only other option is the disabled toilet, then that's what we use. I can honestly say that not once have I opened the toilet door to find that we have delayed a disabled person.

What exactly is a helicopter parent? One who chooses to be more vigilant than another? I think it's a ridiculous term, but go ahead and call me one... I still won't be sending my little kids to a public toilet alone.

[~clover~]

Interesting thought. Change rooms aren't a concern for me, but public toilets might become something I'll need to think about soon.

DS is 4. If I wasn't allowed to change him due to age in the change rooms, I'd go do it at/in the car I guess. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending him on his own. I still usually go with DD1 (10) into public toilets (not the cubicle).

When do I stop bringing DS into the toilets with me? He's not going to see anyone naked or anything, but I'm assuming a 6/7 year old boy shouldn't really be in there?? My kids will all be a bit old for parents rooms soon too

For me sending my boy off on his own, I'm not worried about him dressing/changing himself... I'm worried about his safety in a public place! Same reason I usually wait outside the cubicle when my older DD's are in public toilets. I always walk them to the toilets in shopping centres etc.

[nickle730]

My DS is 6, 7 in a few weeks. We use a family change room at a pool, although they can be hard to get. If a family room is not provided by the facility, I either wrap him up in a towel and he showers/changes at home or I help him to change beneath a towel beside the pool. There is absolutely no way I would allow him to use the male change room unaccompanied.

As for toilets, I take DS to the toilet in the parents room if there is one. If not, I have no hesitation using the disabled toilet. I have told DH to do the same if he is out with DD1, who is 9.

[Floweryfields]

Does everyone get in the nick infront of each other Grub? I'm far too shy for that! Our change rooms at school were a big round room with showers and toilets on one side and benches all around the other. I used to hate trying to get dressed under a towel and that shyness never wore off.

[Astrid]

Considering many on here would prefer to take a boy into the womens' change rooms beyond they recommended age, what do you think about girls being taken into the men's changerooms when they are with their own father?

Putting myself out there, as a parent of two girls, I am uncomfortable with the older boys coming into the womens' change rooms. Now this is due to my experiences, doors were left often to the large shower room (where there was plenty of room to shower and change), no effort was made to have the boys change quickly, for some reason they put their tops on, but stayed bottomless till almost the last moment.

If there is an age in place, then at least there is a guideline to go by, otherwise when does it stop? I would suggest to those of you who go to swimming centres to not have family change rooms at all or adequate facilities, to talk to the centres to see if there is something they can do.