Boys in girls' changerooms - how old is "too old"?

[nickle730]

My DS is 6, 7 in a few weeks. We use a family change room at a pool, although they can be hard to get. If a family room is not provided by the facility, I either wrap him up in a towel and he showers/changes at home or I help him to change beneath a towel beside the pool. There is absolutely no way I would allow him to use the male change room unaccompanied.

As for toilets, I take DS to the toilet in the parents room if there is one. If not, I have no hesitation using the disabled toilet. I have told DH to do the same if he is out with DD1, who is 9.

[Astrid]

Considering many on here would prefer to take a boy into the womens' change rooms beyond they recommended age, what do you think about girls being taken into the men's changerooms when they are with their own father?

Putting myself out there, as a parent of two girls, I am uncomfortable with the older boys coming into the womens' change rooms. Now this is due to my experiences, doors were left often to the large shower room (where there was plenty of room to shower and change), no effort was made to have the boys change quickly, for some reason they put their tops on, but stayed bottomless till almost the last moment.

If there is an age in place, then at least there is a guideline to go by, otherwise when does it stop? I would suggest to those of you who go to swimming centres to not have family change rooms at all or adequate facilities, to talk to the centres to see if there is something they can do.

[Gigi]

i worry about the reverse of this. My ex has bilby each weekend, and every time she has to get dressed (pool) or go to the loo (anywhere outside home e.g shops, beach, etc), that dilemna must come up for them. He doesn't often take her to pool or beach, i suspect this is the reason why. I did buy her one of those towels you wear like a cape, to make drying her, in public, more do-able.

When bilby and i are out in public (and she needs the public loos), she is constantly saying "are you there mum"?, when i'm waiting outside her stall. Like she's scared of being left there alone. And often she has trouble, getting the paper to come out of the loo paper dispenser. She is JUST tall enough to wash her hands without help now.

[Rach75]

my boys are 5 and 2 and we use the ladies change rooms we have the luxury the fact its a samll town so rarely is anyone in there... in public we use parents rooms or female toilets unless dad is with us, I will continue to take jack into the female toliets until he is about 10 I am guessing ...

[grub17]

i don't really have an issue with boys in ladies' change rooms, but just wanted to share this gem with you.. my nearly 2.5yr old in the pool showers/toilets last weekend... Him and I had had a shower and were getting dressed (it's an open shower and public dressing area). There were other ladies showering and dressing, next minute, crying he sobs "boobies in mummy's shower!!" lol.

He didn't like other boobies using the shower I had just used (which apparently has now become mine! score!). Fortunately all the ladies just laughed His father thought it was hilarious when i told him later!

[Floweryfields]

Does everyone get in the nick infront of each other Grub? I'm far too shy for that! Our change rooms at school were a big round room with showers and toilets on one side and benches all around the other. I used to hate trying to get dressed under a towel and that shyness never wore off.

[LuluHB]

I'm starting to think that at 4 or 5 they're getting too old to be in the women's change rooms. My DDs go to the local pool for swimming, as do a lot of their classmates. I have no problem with nudity, and we all run around without clothes on, shower together etc at home, but I don't think its appropriate for my kids to be naked in front of the boys in their class.

I completely understand that that sort of age would cause issues for mums taking their boys etc. I have the same concerns as others have mentioned for when my DH is out with our girls. There is no way in hell they would be allowed to go into a public toilet by themselves, and I don't believe its appropriate for them to go with DH into a men's toilet, so that only leaves parents' rooms or disabled toilets. I think its something that needs to be given more attention in all sorts of places from public pools, to shops, movies etc.

[nothing2lose]

A couple of things we have to remember imo...

It's not just what we/our children are comfortable with, it's also what others using the change room are comfortable with. There may be a lot of young girls/women who do not feel comfortable changing in front of boys over a certain age.

The other point is, like Gigi mentioned, it's also about girls using male change rooms. At what age should girls not go into the men's change area? A lot of dads take their daughters to the pool without their mum. What should they do. Sex offenders/kidnappers/whatever else we are concerned about can be women too.

DD and I always just towel dry off and put clothes over. I dont think it is usually necessary to get totally stripped off so we dont use change rooms at all.

[PumpkinZulu]

I think 10 is way too old to be going into a female change room. Many boys are discovering sexual feelings and masturbating at that age, there's no way I'd be having a 10 year old in with naked women. N2L point is also a good one, women can be sex offenders too. It's tough, because family change rooms are at a high demand with a low supply of them around. I agree that there should be a family communal change room.

[Astrid]

I'm confused. How is a family communal change room meant to work? I don't think DH wants others seeing him naked and I don't want other fathers seeing me naked? Or is it a mothers only family room?

[beansbeans!]

Interesting topic..

I dont know what age I would let the girls go into the public toilets by themselves. But I think there is a fine line between been protective of your child and being a helicopter parent.
I think for me it will be when the girls feel comfortable with going into public toilets without me.
I do not like Dh taking the girls into the mens toilets at all. If he has them then he takes them into the parents room or uses the disabled one.

Astrid, its a good point. We've never let the girls go into the mens public toilets. We never will, buts that our choice.

[nothing2lose]

I think communal change rooms have the same "problems" as bringing older children into the opposite sex change room. Back to square one!!

[nothing2lose]

Okay, another point....Just playing devil's advocate but is it right that families use the disabled toilets to change? What if a disabled person needs to use it? If you were them would you be annoyed if a family used it to change???

[PumpkinZulu]

Yeah true, because then its still discriminatory to fathers. I was thinking kids, mums, didn't think about the dads. Wow. This seems like a pretty big oversight. So make yourself or others uncomfortable or send a boy too young into a men's change room alone? I get most pools are old and can't exactly make room for more family change rooms. Pre kids this was something I never even considered an issue. What are a people supposed to do?

ETA on the disabled q. Honestly, depends on the disability. If its very severe, or mental, then no, they should not wait. But honestly, why should a little kid wait but not a disabled person? I have a friend who is disabled and she doesn't like being treated too differently from others. She is wheelchair bound and deaf, and I know she doesn't mind waiting for the loo for example, just like able bodies people have to wait generally in the main toilets. I don't know. I think small kids have less of an understanding of wait than adults.

[LuluHB]

That's a tough one because as I said above, my DH will have to rely on disabled toilets/change rooms a lot of the time he is with the girls alone. I would feel bad if a disabled person had to wait, but at the same time I figure hey, I have to wait for a toilet sometimes too so really is there a difference? Its not like he would use the disabled toilet/change room just because he couldn't be bothered waiting for a men's one IYKWIM.

[nothing2lose]

PZ, like I said.....a good towel dry and clothes that go over bathers!!!

[Astrid]

Good point. At our local pool, they serve both. One is well set-up for lifting people in and out of wheelchairs, the other is not as roomy and has a baby change table. Most of the time it is families who and disabled who do use them, but I have seen the odd single person and adult couple leave them. The womens change rooms and toilets have also disabled facilities. Very thankful for how well this facility is set-up.

I think they would have every right to be annoyed. A family getting changed is not as quick as just a using the toilet. That length of time may be too long for someone who is disabled.

[PumpkinZulu]

PZ, like I said.....a good towel dry and clothes that go over bathers!!!

What if you're like me though? Swim in winter, and don't have a car. So we'll be going home on PT. Eh, I reckon a big towel around and then another to dry with and get dressed under with by the side of the pool will have to do for a lot of situations in my future swimming expeditions with children. DD is easy now because she's so small