Children at Children's Funerals???

[Freya]

I would say not this time because you'd be taking him out of childcare then taking him back to go back to work; alot of disruption.

But I believe children should be allowed at funerals so they see a healthy impression of dying and death. Hiding them away from it does nothing but shelter them. But Im a bit liberal like that; we've talked about dying and things with our kids (DH deployed last year and it was something Ds1 brought up so I ran with it, because well there is a small possibility they'd have to deal with it with his line of work).

I think asking her family if it would be ok is a good idea.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

If he wasn't going to be in CC then i would say if the parents were ok with it then take him but as he is in CC i wouldn't this time.

If it were me and they were very close (ie. kinder friends, see each other every week etc) then i would aslong as the parents were ok with it.
My mum has mentioned that the hardest thing when my brother died (4mths) was that people hid their kids from her, it was harder sitting there seeing these people without their kids than what it was seeing them with them IYKWIM.
We didn't go to our brothers funeral, my dad was very anti-kids at ANY funeral even up until i was about 13 and i think that made it harder on mum too.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, we all grieve differently and we all expect different things of others.. if in doubt then ask or just keep him at CC.

[nickle730]

In your position I would not take your DS. As you pointed out, it may be too soon for grieving parent's to be faced with their child's friends running around. I wonder if that would compound their loss and cause more pain (if that's possible). Whilst I am all for children at funerals, children's funerals are often filled with more emotion than that of an elderly person whose time has come. I would worry about the impact on your DS of being in such a highly charged emotional environment, particularly given he is probably still too young to fully understand why people are so upset.

I am sorry for your friends loss, I can't imagine the pain they must be experiencing.

[Phteven]

I think that it's ok for children to go to funerals but I wouldn't take my children out of school for one unless they were very close to the deceased.

[Livinthedream]

But I believe children should be allowed at funerals so they see a healthy impression of dying and death. Hiding them away from it does nothing but shelter them.

I am just wondering if there is such a thing as a healthy impression of a young childs death?

I have not been to such a tragic event, I would imagine that it would be highly likely that there would be some extremely distressed adults there.
I would be concerned that a young child may find this very confronting and/or frightening.

I think the death of grandma/granpa, or even a beloved uncle is a far cry from the death of a six 6 year old, and I am not sure that I would want my child exposed to that at such a young age.

Hugs to you all, what a horribly unfair thing for her family to have to endure.

[Freya]

I am just wondering if there is such a thing as a healthy impression of a young childs death?

I have not been to such a tragic event, I would imagine that it would be highly likely that there would be some extremely distressed adults there.
I would be concerned that a young child may find this very confronting and/or frightening.

I think the death of grandma/granpa, or even a beloved uncle is a far cry from the death of a six 6 year old, and I am not sure that I would want my child exposed to that at such a young age.

Hugs to you all, what a horribly unfair thing for her family to have to endure.

Maybe healthy impression isnt the right thing to call it but honestly; death happens. Sometimes its anticipated and the person is old and its their time. Alot of the time its not anticipated, very sudden and senseless. I guess I just dont believe in shielding children from that, I try to make my kids appropriately resilient, possibly a side effect of our lifestyle. We've got friends who have lost children, we've had friends pass away; its on the news, in the newspapers - a big part of our community. Kids take in and take notice of alot more than most parents are aware of. I just feel that making it taboo or something scary just increases the likelihood of it becoming something to fear and obssess over. Its hard not to do so as an adult, esp when its a baby or child and our parenting fears and instincts kick in. I can only imagine it must be daunting as a child, esp when people wont talk about it. Its something they WILL be exposed to, maybe in primary school or later in high school. Someone they know or come into contact with who is a peer will pass away. Even if they are not someone 'close' to them.

Its quite confronting to have your 5yo hear on the news that soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan and have him ask if it was his Dad. I jumped between panic and confusion about what to do. He is only 5 right? But I decided that if I brush it off entirely or make a big deal about it and show my fear and confusion he would take that on; or worse a child at school might choose to enlighten him and misinform him which could cause untold amounts of damage. And I didnt want him to worry about and fear something happening to his Dad until he made it home safely. I just said no it wasnt him, we would have some army people come to our door to tell us if something happens to Daddy. I answered his questions; yes sometimes mummies, daddies, siblings, friends die; no I cant guarantee nothing will ever happen to any of us, no I dont think we should worry about Daddy he is brave and strong and good at his job, yes we would be heartbroken if Daddy died but we would be proud of him and love him always and it would be ok to be very sad forever.

He seemed pretty content with that; I also double checked with a psychologist and she confirmed I acted calmly and rationally and did no damage being honest with him. He rarely mentions it unless he hears or see's something about someone dying and just comments that he feels sad for the people who love them. Im glad its allowing him empathy and allowing him to express his fears and concerns without feeling shuttered. Kids sometimes need closure too; and thats kind of what a funeral is.

Its all moot point though if the family stipulate no children. I just think sometimes its ironic that we shelter our children from some things that are a natural part of life like death; yet we gladly offer them up other things that are definately not healthy for them.