Do you find this rude?

[alioops]

I have written similar invites, but I hope that I have used more tact.

If I was to have the same party and request the same things my invite would look more like this:

Dear DD
Child 1 is turning 10 and would love you to help her celebrate as one of her guests.
She will be having a joint party with Child 2 &3.

Time
Location

Please bring a plate of food to share if you are able

Personally I do not see this as rude as saying there will be afternoon tea if you provide it, it is just politely asking for you to bring something if you can. By saying she is child 1's guest, I would hope that would come across as ONLY child 1 has invited you so bring something for ONLY that child if you can. I think the rudest part of the invite that Tinks has recieved is the line that says 'afternoon tea will be provided' before asking you to bring some. Bringing something in itself is not rude, it is just the wording that leaves a lot to be desired.

[Erin_25]

I got lost reading most of these, but I really can't believe how much opinion this has created....so I thought why not add my own LOL.

When ever I get an invite to something the first thing I ask is "can I help by bringing something"? don't have a prob doing it, it's fairly easy & why not help out. I guess it's a bit weird to say something is "provided"and then ask you to bring afternoon tea to share....so it's not provided then is it?? but heck ok, bit rude move one...take something or don't.

It's a kids party so its about the kids (isn't it)....just go along with the plate & have a good time, or don't take a plate & feel happy with that decision walking into the party. Or explain to your child why they can't go ( and hope they see it your way...cause I'm sorry but I wouldn't).

As for the present part I too would never go to a party empty handed, YES it is rude to state you want a present. You should just be happy to be having party with friends etc...if they bring present they do, if they don't then they don't. It shouldn't be about presents BUT......I'm not sure if others were a bit confused & perhaps approached those organising the party...therefore prompting another invite??? perhaps...so now they are trying to clarify we don't expect 3 presents!!!!! so rude or not wording...shouldn't you be happy now you are not expected to buy 3 presents.

I think it's just a combination of bad wording etc, but I wouldn't have a prob about taking my child.

[LimeSlice]

I, like Bron, reead the comment on thepresents not as "you MUST bring a present" but rather, "dont feel obliged to bring a present for all 3 girls, if you are bringing one, only bring one for the girl on this invite"

I really still dont see what the big deal is - "bring a plate of something yummy to share" doesnt say "we are not supplying any food at all" So the inference that there is afternoon tea, but ONLY if YOU bring it yourself is a stretch.

I agree with Salsa, Starfish and Bron - the tone of most of the posts in this thread are really nasty and I am stunned at the level of biatchyness towards these women. Maybe they werent raised the same way most of us were? Maybe they are not aware of any social faux pars they may be committing??
Maybe where they come from it is prefectly normal for the village to come together on a childs birthday party and have everyone bring a plate??
The judgement astounds me.

[Erin_25]

:yeahthat:

[Von]

I personally would not ask parents to bring a plate of food I even tell them if they ask what to get DD as a gift I tell them not to worry..DD just wants to share her day with her friends more then anything, of course the parents do bring something though...

If I was in your position I guess I would just cut back on the pressies if moneys an issue and bring a plate of fairy bread or something cheap and easy to make..

I tend to go all out though when I put on a birthday for my kids.. this year dd is having a pony and inviting the whole kinder and I will not be asking the parents to bring a plate to share lol...

[Toomanytoomany]

I"m going with the minority here? I have to say I don't think I'd find it that much of an effort to grab a box of cheezels or a plate of fairy bread to send along. The presents would be bought anyway regardless of whether she was attending one party or three separate parties, so it really it saves you from making 3 plates of food if they had been separate parties then ? Maybe a little overreaction I would say. That's just my opinion though?

I have to agree. Most of the time when I think about how much organisation and cost (not all of it on food) goes into hosting a fun time for trillions of tinies, I feel beholden to the party parents! A small gift and a contribution of food seems like the least I can do for them to host my children.

My kids get invited to tons of parties, sometimes to skating rinks, those play centres, bowling... an awful lot of effort goes into them. It mightn't be the ordinarily "done thing" but I wouldn't get my knickers in a knot if a parent asked if I could contribute some food.

[Glamourcide]

I can see where everyone is coming from, personally I don't think there's a concerning level of *****iness or anything about the posts from those who don't agree with it... just that we're a bit at how the invites were worded, kwim??

I mean, personally, I wouldn't have a problem with providing a plate and a gift - at the end of the day, a few dollars on a plate of biscuits or something to share around, and a few more dollars on a gift (whether for one child or three) is no issue for me, and the entire thing is for the kids so I wouldn't even think of keeping DD from going to enjoy a day with her friends... I can just see how some people could/would misconstrue the wording and find it quite presumptuous at best, insulting at worst, you know? If it were *me* personally, the invite would definitely state that gifts are entirely unnecessary for *any* of the kids, if I were asking for a plate of food to be brought - I wouldn't even bother with 'Oh just bring a present for the child that invited you instead of all three'.

I too am the kind of person who asks when invited to a gathering whether there is any way I can contribute to the event and help take a bit of the stress off the people organising it - but again, I would do my best to provide for my child's birthday party and take offers of help where offered voluntarily, rather than specifying on the invites that help would be appreciated.

And yes, I'd be really embarrassed if I were one of the mums in question and knew that this was being discussed in such depth, obviously someone has already clued them in that there is some confusion/upset caused by the wording of the first invite (hence the second invite), and hindsight is 20/20 so maybe they are now more aware that despite their best intentions, they could have worded things a little better?

[Trillian]

I haven't read any posts after the first page in this thread, but all I am going to say about this is when you have older children who get invited to partys at what seems like every second week, you will be BEGGING for someone to have a combined party - last year my DD had 4 parties in two weeks. Even when it was her own birthday there were 2 others in her year that had parties that same weekend (which she didn't attend 1 and wasn't invited to the other). It is excessive in the extreme. It's not easy when you have a child who just wants to have a party like all their friends have been having parties and throw this conumdrum into the mix - what are you supposed to do if there are several children in a year group who all have a birthday in the same week? Makes sense to me to get together and combine them so you don't have the issue where half the invitees can't go because they are going to another party.

As for the taking of food, is it really that big a deal? Not everyone is a Nobel Laureate who can word something like that without coming across as being stingy.

[sazzafrazz]

I agree with what Gothmum has written.

I also am amused with something else I have noticed about this thread: when the initial tone of the thread was "How rude - I wouldnt stand for that" almost EVERY response also went along those lines. Then someone piped up an oposing oppinion and now almost everyone since has responded similarly. !!! I reread my posts and found myself doing the same

My final thoughts on the matter, because I think this is getting silly and carried away:
1. The initial invite wasnt clear and was worded kind of rudely.
2. They obviously had feedback that people didnt know how many pressents were required.
3. They attempted to clarify but also came across as a little demanding, despite that not being their intention.
4. I am dreading my daughter being of the school age party phase. I dont know if I can deal with this drama every year for every classmate she has!!!
5. I would NEVER boycott a childs party for these reasons. I feel that to be so unfair to my child and the hosting child.
6. I would still provide a decent gift and a plate of appropriate food, not stingy or "making a point" and take it all on board as usefull information for when my time comes round.

Ok that's it for me. I'd be interested to know if the guests all comply and that the party still goes off really well. I hope so for the children's sake.

[AliBaby]

I think the invite is rude. whether or not they didnt intend for it to be, it is still rude. I would offer to bring a plate or help out even if it is not asked for (the way I was raised), as would most people I think but having said that its provided but then that you need to bring it is just contradicitng the first point. It really does proove that you dont need to have a long neck to be a goose.
I do think they were trying to clarify by the second invite but from what Tink had said she got a second invite from a different girl who is having the party?? (is that right)? So maybe they werent clarifying and this is just the other mum wanting to make sure her daughter doesnt miss out on a present. Who knows, dont really care, they are 10yrs old, probably wont eat much anyway, they will be more interested in dancing and talking about other girls and boys as they tend to do at that age.

Tink, hope your DD has a good time and maybe these mums can buy a clue from parties that their daughters go to for the next time round or maybe not.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Maybe I was lucky to be a social outcast and not have these problems as a child! But even when my sister had a MASSIVE 21st party joint with a friend, the year both of them graduated from Uni, the two sets of parents paid for the hall, the food, the cakes, the decorations, the DJ, the after-party party back at Mum's place... that was what pretty much everyone did.

Parties now, if DS is invited, I call up and ask if I can take food. It's NEVER demanded.

I do a party for ANY age, I don't ask for food OR gifts - if they happen it's nice.

I am the sort of person who will bake a batch of cakes for playgroup to celebrate something and not expect anything in return. And I have done. I will let people know of allergies if DS is invited anywhere, which is why I usually take food with me. But some parents say no, they'll cater for no nuts and no dairy: it's not hard to grab something in the shops that's no nuts and no dairy... like hula hoops.

I think it's not just the wording, it's the expectations. I throw a party expecting guests to come. I don't expect gifts. Even with a wedding gift list, it's "if you want to buy here are some suggestions that we actually would need." With this, "bring a gift" "bring some yummy food" - very rude.

Maybe very socially inept instead. But doesn't rude mean socially inept? So we all agree it's rude, whether we call it rude, socially inept or tactless - different words, same meaning.

[CrystalBoo]

FWIW, I read the invite as saying that afternoon tea is included in the *time frame* of the party.
eg. 'the party will go from 1-4pm, during which time we will have an afternoon tea. Please bring something to share'

It is really badly worded all round, but the rest of the issue, I personally, could shrug off. Kids wouldn't worry about things like this, and they definitely know how to live a more fun and stress-free life LOL