Maybe I was lucky to be a social outcast and not have these problems as a child! But even when my sister had a MASSIVE 21st party joint with a friend, the year both of them graduated from Uni, the two sets of parents paid for the hall, the food, the cakes, the decorations, the DJ, the after-party party back at Mum's place... that was what pretty much everyone did.

Parties now, if DS is invited, I call up and ask if I can take food. It's NEVER demanded.

I do a party for ANY age, I don't ask for food OR gifts - if they happen it's nice.

I am the sort of person who will bake a batch of cakes for playgroup to celebrate something and not expect anything in return. And I have done. I will let people know of allergies if DS is invited anywhere, which is why I usually take food with me. But some parents say no, they'll cater for no nuts and no dairy: it's not hard to grab something in the shops that's no nuts and no dairy... like hula hoops.

I think it's not just the wording, it's the expectations. I throw a party expecting guests to come. I don't expect gifts. Even with a wedding gift list, it's "if you want to buy here are some suggestions that we actually would need." With this, "bring a gift" "bring some yummy food" - very rude.

Maybe very socially inept instead. But doesn't rude mean socially inept? So we all agree it's rude, whether we call it rude, socially inept or tactless - different words, same meaning.